Should birth mothers get paid for giving their babies up for adoption?

Question

As it stnds now, agencies & lawyers get paid 4 adoption, the BM receives only compensation 4 medical and bare necessities. If the BM received, for example, $50k, she could start her life over. It would probably reduce t/abortion rate at t/same time. When you're loved one dies, everyone lines up 2 receive their "inheritance". When someone is killed, the family sues 4 money. When you've lost a child thrgh adoption, you've suffered t/most traumatic loss of all. T/loss of a child. It's a death. 4 t/rest of t/world it's "adoption", but 4 t/woman who has 2 let go of her child, it's a horrific death. We can never talk 2 anyone about it cuz people can b so cruel. 4 all those who don't understand wh/ it's like and are anti-abortion, I say give your 1st child up 4 adptn & then tell me all about it. I ws anti-abortion at t/time. Even after being raped. I am pro-choice now. I just think to better understand t/issue, t/anti-abortionist shld pt their $ where thr mouth is r give up 1 of their babies

Thank you "adoptive" for your hugs. I guess I forgot to mention that I had a full scholarship to a great school when I was raped. Then after the rape I was in an accident and lost the use of my arms and couldn't walk. I didn't tell anyone about the rape because I was planning to raise the baby myself, my family disowned me and wouldn't help me after the accident. Sometimes it takes years for someone to talk about a rape or molestation. I don't tell people I was raped because I don't want it to ever get back to her. What a horrible thing to discover.

I'm sorry, it wasn't a choice. Alot of people don't realize that alot of young girls were raped by a stepfather, brother, counsin, whatever and they don't tell people. That's why they're promiscuous.

Nora, have you given up one of your children for adoption? When you do, tell me about the good feelings you get....

According to my counselor, when I handed my baby over, I did lose a child. It was a death. The difference between losing my child and someone else, who loses theirs the way you describe, is that a community comes together and mourns with your family and gives you emotional and financial support. I cried alone. Thank God for my counselor. I can never share memories of my pregnancy or the few days I spent with my daughter.

Georgie, do you think the adoption agency/attorneys need the money more? Who are you to say that she doesn't need $ to start her life over? How does one explain the scars of C-section? What about reconstructive surgery? How about the cost of counseling? If you took a year off from work, what would that mean to you financially?

Heather, I'm so glad you "personally know a 16 year old" who gave a child up for adoption and she's doing terrific, for whatever it's worth I don't believe you. I talk to these BM's all the time. She's not telling you anything. Sure you go on with your life and can have fun, just like people who lose a spouse, parent, sibling, or child... but do you think they don't feel the pain in their hearts? People don't go around crying all day, well maybe at first, but eventually you do move on. I just can't even believe you said that.

samp...Would you actually go up to a parent who has lost a child and at the funeral say, "Well, aren't you glad knowing that your child is in Heaven now?" What's the problem???? I don't know if my child is alive and well. I have talked to a BM who found out her child died at a young age. What words of comfort would you give her? What you said is a perfect example of the cruel, insensitive things people say. I made the mistake of telling people in the beginning of what I did, I felt I did the best I could at the time... then I had to listen to people accuse me of "abandoning" my baby and on and on. I rarely gave all the details, but even when I made that mistake a couple of times, it didn't make a difference. There MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE TO KEEP THE BABY IF I REALLY WANTED TO!!

Would you feel ok if someone abducted one of your children today and you were told they were alive and well, but unreachable? Would that give you peace of mind? But, of course it would.

Jester, you plan on adopting in 5 years and you think I'M looking for a handout? Did you even read what was written? I think the fact that you're already planning on preying on someone else to take their baby is scary. That's exactly my point, only attorneys, agencies, and people who want to take other peoples babies don't get it. But this isn't meant for all of you. This is to warn the poor misfortunates who are in that predicament. As I continue with my education and networking, I hope to help the women keep the babies and not be misled by all the people who will be filling them with lies. I want to advocate for these women so they will be justly compensated and not have insult added to injury. How much did you pay for your pet?

Jester... are you serious? Of course you adopted them and paid the agency a fee. I'm talking to the women in this country. By all means, go to the orphanages in the other countries and help. BRAVO. THEY DON'T BELONG TO ANYONE, THEY NEED A FAMILY. I must have misunderstood, I thought you said you wanted a "baby." You didn't mention all the children out there who really don't have parents that need a home. THAT'S GREAT. HELP THEM. You're concern is heartwarming, by the way, there are children here in America that would like a home too. They are in foster homes. They would love to be adopted. Why wait 5 years? You can start off being a foster mom.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/

please visit this website if you are a birthmother, adoptee, or someone is presently being coerced into believing that giving your child "a better home" is what you should do.

The angry comments made from the people on this site are probably in some way benefiting form this billion $ business.

This is how they will talk to you and treat you after you've given up your child.

Please visit the website. You do have a choice. You are the childs' mother. You are the real and only mother for your baby.

Answer 1

You don't sell babies! The agencies and lawyers get paid because that is their JOB.

Personally, I've known a woman who placed a baby for adoption at the age of 16, she was never treated cruelly for her decision. And its not the same as the death of a child, when a child dies they are totally gone from the world. With adoption the child is still out there experiencing and enjoying life.

Why don't you go find a parent who has actually had a child die, and ask them if they had the choice of death or adoption for their child what they would choose--I'm guessing that they would say that they would give anything for their child to still be alive, even if it meant that they couldn't be with them.

But anyhow, back to original question, no birth mother's should not be paid for their baby above medical and living expenses.

Answer 2

I do plan to adopt in the next 5 years or so, but no, I do not believe the birth mother should get paid. I agree with all the others that responded to this question. There are some women who would make a career out of popping out babies.

I think you are looking for a hand out like so many others in this country.

As far as starting your life over and getting back on your feet, there are already programs to help you do that. Register at a community college and start taking classes. There is financial aid available for that. Education is the best way to get your life on track.

Besides, my mother died when I was 21 years old. She was the only parent I had ever known and I am an only child. NOBODY, gave me 50K to start my life over or paid for my counseling. You pick yourself up and you do what you need to do. Simple as that.


Edited: This woman is out of her mind. She obviously is completely unaware of how many UNWANTED children across the globe are sitting in orphanages hoping someone will adopt them. She views people's desire to adopt as "scary." Don't bother answering her because she's a lunatic.

Oh, and I adopted all my pets from animal shelters for a small adoption fee--not 50k.

Answer 3

I"m sorry that you are comparing giving a baby up for adoption to a death of a child. I have no doubt that giving a child up is a hard thing to do. But it is a choice just like abortion is a choice. And people have a right to their opinion. Many anti-abortion believers don't believe in abortion because so many use it as a reason not to be responsible for there actions. Many teens that get pregnant say oh well I can have a abortion and the whole thing goes away. But if they were responsible and use protection abortion would not been a issue in the first place. I feel that you had to make a hard choice and your having a hard time dealing with it. Not everyone looks down on people who give their kids up. But to say that anti-abortion activist and people who judge should have to give up their first Born's is cruel. Seek out therapy for your problems and stop blaming people.

Answer 4

Why should a woman get money for getting pregnant with children she doesnt want or can take care of ????? That would be crazy. That would just cause more women to get pregnant with unwanted babies.

I would never put myself in a position that I would need to put my baby up for adoption. I have my children because I love them. So why would I ever give one up or terminate.

Im sorry i dont understand you comment ..."When you've lost a child thrgh adoption, you've suffered t/most traumatic loss of all. T/loss of a child. It's a death. " You chose to give the baby up, You could of kept the child.

NO IT WAS A CHOICE YOU MADE. I was raped at 14 so dont say I dont understand. If you give up your baby your opting to OUT of the responsibility, and should not expect to recieve money for this.

Answer 5

No way... I think that is a horrendous idea. Who is to say that the Birth Mother needs $50k to re-build her life... sure she has been through a traumatic experience, but through her own choice, (you have stereo-typed women that give up babies as being poor, a high flying career woman can make the same decision, and decide to give up a child for adoption). As for cutting abortion rates... maybe so, but the likeliness is not. What about women who simply can't go through the process of a pregnancy, due to family, career, health etc. Young girls especially are not going to want their families know of their predicament. It is the tax payers that will be paying women to give children up for adoption, and for hospital fee's. The wrong women would make a career out of this idea. Sad but very true.

Answer 6

No. adoption should be an option for a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy who wants a better life for her child, not to encourage women to purposely get pregnant in order to profit financially.
Also, this would make it much harder for childless couples to adopt and for children to find a good home.

Answer 7

have you loss your mind?!? you CHOOSE to give a kid up for adoption. it is not a 'death' as you so put it, a loss yes. but the baby is alive and well and is going to be taken care of by people that can care for them. why would you pay people to get pregnant and then give up kids? if you dont want a child, dont have sex.

Answer 8

I do understand what you're saying but...adopting a child is extremely expensive! Shouldn't knowing your child is going to go into a home where it can be properly cared for be payment enough?

Answer 9

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you will find someone to talk to about it, because your pain is legitimate and you should have help if you need it. (((hugs)))
To answer your first question, no. I hear your logic, but it's not okay to sell human beings.

Answer 10

No. I think too many women would make a carrer out of adoption if they were compensated for giving their babies up.