I am posting this for my friend, she posted the same question on answerology so i offered to post it on here as well! So here it goes:
I'm not sure what to do...my boyfriend and I were talking and he is very firm on not wanting any more children. He already has 2 girls with his ex-wife. I'm alittle younger than him and have no children. I feel if I'm going to think about being him for the long haul I do want children, of course after marriage. We are doing really great besides that issue. I really don't want to leave him because of that. We've been together for about a year now. What do you suggest? I don't want to pressure him if he really doesn't want to. And it's not like I want a baby now...just a few years from now once hings settle down. Any words of advice would help! Thank you
2007-03-19 06:02:36 · 12 answers · asked by punk_princess_1369 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
One of two things will happen, if you get married.
One of you will change their mind.
or
Neither of you will.
In the second case, this can cause major friction in the marriage. And, sorry for you (your friend), but NOT having a kid is safer idea than having a kid, if there is a disagreement. It's immoral, in my opinion, to have a child that you don't want.
Don't rely on one of you changing your mind. It could happen, but don't count on it.
If you're (your friend) are not willing to give up the idea of having a child, now (at least before you get married), then it may be time to move on.
2007-03-19 06:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jay 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont want to leave him and he doesnt want kids then you need to change your mind about having kids. When a couple has different views on having children it never works out. And if you stayed with him and always brought up the subject of kids you'd either end up drivingh im away or pressuring him into something he does not want. Anyone that tells you to wait and see if his views will change are basically telling you to spend your whole life wondering if you will have the children you have always wanted with this man. Find a man who shares your same views in regards to having kids or give up all hopes of having any and those are really your own two choices. Atleast you found out now prior to being married that he does not want anmore
2007-03-19 13:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't change his mind. This is the age old syndrome that we women all face - "I can change him."
You can't. You won't.
She has to decide if she wants him and no children or someone else and children.
If she has children by some secret means after they are married, she has to realize that he may leave and that it is a really bad thing to have sneaking or deceiving in a marriage which it sounds like is the only way that she is going to have children.
In my opinion, she should find someone who is more like-minded.
2007-03-19 14:02:10 · answer #3 · answered by kittyrat234b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but this is a show stopper.
Either someone will cave in and ultimately be unhappy, ruining the relationship, and adding another child with divorced parents to an already screwed world
or
They can split up now and find more suitable partners.
2007-03-19 13:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a new guy. This is too important an issue not to agree on. Religion, Kids, Finances and Family (in-laws) are kind of the big 4 in my mind. If you're not on the same page on those things, you're going to have trouble.
2007-03-19 13:07:07 · answer #5 · answered by DGS 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not going to change with time. If you seriously want children, you need to think about investing your time into a relationship with someone that has the same goals as you. Otherwise, there will only be heartbreak in your future.
2007-03-19 15:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by kalsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if she really doesn't want to leave him over this, she needs to change her mind about having children of her own. (And if he's really sure he wants no more, perhaps he should be looking into a vasectomy, just to be sure.)
I do agree, however, with everyone who said it's time for her to move on. It's hard to change your mind on something like that. If they don't have agreement on something so basic and important, they aren't a good match.
2007-03-19 13:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by adoptive mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make a decision and fast. nothing kills a relationship faster then when one person thinks they can change the others mind. I am in a similar situation, I don't want kids and my boyfriend does. I told him straight out, this is what i want. i don't want him to think that 5years from now i'll change my mind. you shouldn't disallusion yourself to think that 5years from now he'll change his mind. sometimes two people who seem great for eachother have to come to the realization that they don't want the same things out of life. the sooner you realize this, the faster you can get on with your life and perhaps finding a perfect someone who does want what you want.
2007-03-19 13:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by danili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of making a marriage work is choosing someone to share your life with who shares the same dreams and visions for your life together.
It is time to move on.
2007-03-19 13:08:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its important to you then you will have to move on and fast! dont waste more time with him. You dont have the same goals in your life. I know its hard but you deserve to be with someone who wants the same things out of life.
2007-03-19 13:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by jon jon's girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋