my fiance dosen't want a wedding. i want one. what to do.?

Question

we've been engagaed for over a year and keep going in the same circle getting nowhere and fighting miserably about the topic. is this grounds for a break up?

it's all about money. i'm in college so he makes all the money. he says loans are out of the question. he says there is a difference between having the money and being able to afford it. he's not happy unless he has lots of emergency cash in the bank. i'm 32 and feel like i'm running out of time.

Answer 1

These are not grounds for a break up. If you break up there are probably more serious issues you guys have in your relationship. As for a wedding..... - I assume you are referring to a ceremony, reception, party etc... If so, then I have to agree with your fiance. You're better off just eloping. Most people spend large amounts of money on these so called "big weddings" whereas the money could be spent more wisely i.e. on yourselves - by buying a car, house, honeymoon or whatever. When you spend the money on the wedding - trust me..... most people just attend for free food and drinks! Look 10 or 20 years down the road and you won't even be in contact with those people any more.

Edit: Susan G: According to the additional comments you posted, your fiance is absolutely correct. If you do it your way, you'll just be wasting a lot of money that you admittedly don't have. It is never wise to borrow money on something that has no monetary value i.e. you cannot sell your wedding for a profit..... Borrowing money should only be done when purchasing something that appreciates in value. Your feelings toward each other should be stronger than some wedding where you're ultimately just impressing your friends - who like I said before may or may not be around in the future.

Answer 2

Planning a wedding takes up a lot of your time and money. It would be financially easier on your relationship if you were both working full time. That way he can have the emergency money that he likes to save, which an excellent idea, and have more money that can go into planning and organizing the wedding. Before you keep pressuring him into setting a date, both of you should sit down start talking about what you would like and need for your wedding and start on a budget. This way you have an idea of what you want and what you are willing to spend on the wedding. Having a budget will help you see the total amount that you will need and then you can better estimate when you would be able to pay for the wedding. Also, why don't you ask your families for help in financing the wedding. Instead of gifts they could give you cash or pay for things that you will need directly. This is what my fiancee and I are doing, it's a Hispanic custom. That way you and your fiance will pay for less of the wedding out of pocket. I think that it would be a bad idea to break up with him because he won't set a date. If you really loved him you wouldn't set an ultimatum.

Answer 3

I understand where your coming from and also where he's coming from. Don't break up over a pety argument. You guys need to sit down and talk about it,Go out to lunch, if your in a public place your less likely to argue. It might actually have to do with money. He might just feel like a big wedding is a waste of money that could be used for your future together. if it's money then both of you should try to come up with a budget and then agree somewhere in the middle. I'm GETTING MARRIED in October and the best advice I was given on saving money was to get a WEDDING PLANNER. It seemed illogical but so far it's the best decision I made. The connections they have will save you a bundle.
TaKe CaRe, I hope it works out for the best.

Answer 4

He's wiser than you are for not wanting to go into debt for a wedding! I know too many people who are still paying for making a big splash after the divorce!

I don't blame you for wanting a wedding.. but it CAN be done on a budget! If he is going to be paying for the whole thing ask him how much he can afford to spend... and stick to that budget! Otherwise wait until you are out of college and working and can contribute to the cost yourself.

Remember he who pays the piper calls the tune.. but he should be willing to compromise and come up with some money just to make you happy... if he can't do that then you do need to think twice about the whole deal!

Answer 5

You have to him tell him that you need to have a wedding even if you have to cut down on the guest list some more. If money is the real issue them you wouldn't need to have a reception and don't go any where far for your honeymoon maybe postpone until you have the money, if he still doesn't want to have the wedding then there is more to this than the money and give him sometime to think about it ,give him some space when i say space i mean a few days or even a week if necessary. It is up to you to do what you feel is right from there.

Answer 6

Hi.. hon. Your not running out of time. How about having a court wedding and then a fancy reception. I am sure you guys could brainstorm it out. No need to break up. I can take both sides, of this one. He is right about the money issue.
I don't know what religion you guys are though, so your families might not want you to get married, unless its in the church.. ask them to help you out. If you guys really love each other .. Love never fails, it always hopes and always endures. Ask GOD what you should do. I learned the hard way its better to ask GOD before you make a big step.. like buying a house, or getting married... My marriage is great, our home loan is outta control. Always pray before you leap.. Your outcome will be Gods will, and that's a much better way to live:)

Answer 7

Wow I'm in the same boat except he wanted the reception and I begged him not to have one; moral of the story thanks to our lack of finances 4 months before the wedding we have had to cancel our reception costing me, tons of lost deposits all after I told him it was a bad idea to begin with. Yes I'm super pissed as you can imagine. If you he doesnt want a reception (which really is a waste of money, you can use that money towards a payment on a house or something useful) you shouldn't do it. It's all about compromise, we have decided we will do a reception a few months after we are married when we can (possibly) afford it so we both get what we want but don't put ourselves in the poor house doing it. I have to agree with your fiance, loans are a terrible idea. You will start your marriage in debt and loans are really a ***** to pay back. Have a small intmate wedding, it's all about the love anyway not frilly dresses and flowers, it's really not. Think about asking him for a small reception a few months down the line and see what he says; just remember you two always need to find a happy medium where you both get part of or what you want and you'll have a great relationship. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

dump him ! i'll marry you. sounds like he's just playing/delaying you. and in the end he'll move on. he's holding all the cards if he's the one with the money sorry to say. he could get a loan if that's what you guys REALLY wanted to do. if that's sooo what u want , the sky is the limit.! nice that your in college, and all but, he has some choices to make. and how much emergency cash does he need , is he a banker.? i have money in the bank and about 5 grand ''playaround'' for those ''emergencies''

Answer 9

If you are already fighting over money and your not even married and come to some sort of compromise I would honestly rethink the marriage. You can do a cheap nice wedding if done properly and frugally. Just invite those closest to you, make your own food, 1 single rose rather then a bouquet, maid of honor and best man only, take your own photos, do the wedding and reception outside in the summer. Get a dress at davids bridal or on ebay for less then $200. If you got married outside he could just wear a silky white short sleeved dress shirt and khaki pants. Less then $30 on sale at Kohls or Penneys. You could get a cake at Walmart for $100 and I think they make the best tasting and most beautiful wedding cakes I have ever seen. Throw some of these ideas at him. You get your wedding he saves money. If you still can't agree then I would break up for sure. Marriage is about talking things out and coming to a compromise that both agree on and make both happy. If you can't do it before you get married then you will ending spending money on divorce lawyers sooner or later.

Answer 10

if you really want to get married, you dint need a big enough blast off, you should be grate full that he dint want to spend thousands on one day event that's over in less than 5 minutes, you can always do a wedding more guy style,if in summer, shorts , t-shirts, justice of peace, have a nice dinner outwith family and friends f, then back to your place for drinks, for the reception, then later after 10 years being married,maybe he'll give you the wedding you wanted, as a vow renewal, it will work, you really dint need to spend all that money to be happily married, no need to go into dept either, good luck and congrats maybe??????????