please help! my daughter is also shy?

Question

she is in kindregarten and she is little shy have some friends in school. lately she was complaning that nobody played with me during the recess. i always tell her you have to ask kids to include her in their games, but she says i asked and they said tomarrow. now she always says nobody polays with me and i sat alone during the recess. please give some advise. as i am also a shy person and do not have many friends around, but do not want her to be turned out like me.how can i help her?what should i teach her, that i did not learn in my chilhood?
many thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Try to help her make friends by inviting kids over from her class to play. Often, shy kids do better playing one-on-one rather than in groups (from personal experience). Once she knows a few kids and they know her, they'll be more likely to invite her to play, and she'll feel more comfortable. It's good advice that you gave her to ask to be included--that's an important skill throughout life. Talk to the teacher, and s/he can help with the situation during the school day. Outside of school, you can help by scheduling "play dates" with her classmates and having a birthday party with them when it's her birthday. Maybe you'll meet some new friends in the process, too! Some people and kids are just introverted and like having a few close friends rather than many acquaintances, and that's perfectly normal. So just try to help your daughter establish a few good friendships. Shy people often have good social skills--they just prefer to play/socialize in smaller groups.

With practice and a little help, your daughter will learn to navigate the playground scene. Do talk to her teacher, since s/he can help keep you updated as to how your daughter behaves (in case there's anything triggering rejection from her peers that you could help her with). S/he can also help encourage your daughter and help her find groups of kids to play with. Good luck!

Answer 2

It's interesting because I was just learning about this in my psychology class. There have been studies done that show that children are Born with their temperaments, i.e. outgoing or 'shy', but that with loving nurturing and gentle guidance a shy child can end up being a confident extrovert (or social butterfly). The research was done on baby monkeys who where very timid but given to nurturing and loving foster monkey mothers. The mothers gently introduced the babies into social situations, but did not force the monkey to be independent. They would sit near a group of other monkies and would interact and the infants would follow their lead over time. It took a little while and they often came running back to the foster mother for reassurance and comfort, which she provided... and then they would head out again to play and explore.

Humans are similar. Rather than stressing about this (I know, easier said than done)... be comforting and just give her reassurance that she is wonderful and will make friends. Perhaps it would be wise to take her to a park or some kind of social environment in which you can be present to offer comfort if she is frightened. Just smile, reassure her that you are there and that socializing is fun and safe. She will gradually get used to it and may even be more confident than the other kids in the end. If she's not though, that's okay. We can't all be that way.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

First talk with the teacher. My 6 yo is very shy also, and tells me the same things. When I spoke with the teacher however, she assures me that my daughter has many friends, and plays in groups at recess.
As far as your daughter, what I did with mine was to put in her situations with other kids. Like at the park, or a play group. Then I'd get down to their level and say hello to them. My daughter right beside me. I'd explain that she is still uncertain about asking people to play, and would they like her to join them. After I did this many times, I encourage my daughter to jump in and ask if she can play. I explain to her sometimes they will say no and that's ok. It just means they have plenty to play with at that time. IF you help out in her classroom, you can ask her introduce you to the other students. Then when it's recess time, encourage 2 or 3 to joy you and your daughter in a game of chase, or jump rope, or on the slide. Kids are really random at this time in their lives. They play with the same people for a week, then next week they don't like those people. I'm mom to 3.

Answer 4

my daughter was VERY shy. She always had friends, but we moved and in grade 2 she came home with complaints. No one likes me. No one plays with me. Everyone is mean to me. I went to her teacher and talked in depth with my daughter. Basically what was happening is that my duaghter was playing the victim and nothing really terrbile was happening and she was getting along with others quite well. I changed my approach. Everytime she complained, I made her tell me something good that happened today at recess (she coulnd't think of anything!)... I wouldn't let up until she told me one good thing. She wasnt' going to step out of her victim role, so I simply changed the atmospere.. .to one where those complainents weren't heard or recongnized. It was hard for me, I wanted to delve in, tell her how to talk to people, how to make friends, etc. Reality is, it is her life. She has to fix this. I can't mother her at school and mothering her and feeling sorry for her at home, made her continue her victim role at school. It is 3 months later now and she complians only a little bit now.. and I just say 'wow, that sounds tough... what good happened today?' Since then she has actually changed her own method and become more outgoing and confidenent.

Answer 5

Make sure she takes the time to make one or two close friends. She doesn't have to try to be friends with everyone--that can be stressful at any age. If you take the time to invite her friends over for her in the beginning, by talking through the parents, this will ease her into becoming used to being around friends in more than one setting. The house can be a more comfortable, familiar setting for her to get used to knew playmates.

Answer 6

don't worry i know how u feel im also a very shy person... arrange some play dates with the kids that she wants to be friends with.... talk to her teacher maybe she can help out in this situation. im also very shy but once i make friends its easier to be around them .... i know ive been there.... and that goes for u 2.

Answer 7

talk to the teacher, most likely she will let you come in to assist her, you can ask for everyone to play together, or if there are other shy children introduce your daughter making two days brighter will feel so great, but this could affect your daughter's entire life. act fast!

Answer 8

posibly talk to the teacher she could just be playing the victim wich could be a cry for attention from you lots of luck