Dating a guy for a year & only just discovered he has been speaking to his ex wife. Why didn't he tell me? I feel he has hidden it on purpose; he says she is just a friend so what would be the reason for telling me? My problem is with the fact that he hid it not that she is an ex.
He is angry with me and says I am being irrational. I want to get past this but I don't know how. How can I trust him if he keeps things like this a secret? Didn't I have a right to be told?
I am devastated.
2007-03-19 05:45:22 · 14 answers · asked by monkeybrain 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he is the one being irrantional, not you
im sorry to say it but if they had a normal relationship with each other and had nothing to hide then it wouldnt have taken untill now for you to find this out
trust is a hard thing to get back again, and if you dont trust him then its very hard to have a relationship with each other. maybe this wasnt meant to be
2007-03-19 05:51:20 · answer #1 · answered by sparkles_x 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hav every right to be angry and upset anyone who tells you that they are just friends are kidding themselves one or both will still have feelings harbouring underneath this FRIENDSHIP disguise its not a good idea, unless there are children involved and that is a different matter, get rid you cant trust this guy, but if you really cant bare to be without him lay down some boundrys tht are not to be crossed and mean it, good luck x
2007-03-19 14:52:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you had every right to be upset with this secret. Omissions are betrayal! there's a reason he didn't tell you, he knew you would get upset about it and be upset for a good reason! Now he's just trying to turn the tables on you and make you feel bad for not trusting him, but you do have every reason to feel the way you do. Listen to your gut feeling, cause its usually right.
2007-03-19 13:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by SanelyCrazy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think being devastaed is slightly melo dramatic and is probably the reason he didnt tell you. that said i can understand why this would annoy and upset you, as its the secrecy really, if you like this guy you just have to make it very clear to him that you wont tolerate secrets and that you are upset he didnt tell you, but then put it behind you. but if you kick off big style over this he's even less likely to tell you next time. if he continues to be very angry with you, i would be suspicious though, as showing anger is often used to deflect something.
2007-03-19 12:54:21 · answer #4 · answered by slsvenus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knows all of your friends and you know all of his, then I can understand you being upset. But if he doesn't know everyone you speak to on the phone or you don't know everyone he is always speaking to on the phone, then I don't think it's a big deal. She may just be a friend and he probably didn't think it was important for him to tell you that he still occassionally speaks to her. If he is speaking to her every day though, then I'd be upset. But if it's an occassional phone call once every few months, I don't think that's terrible.
2007-03-19 12:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by NM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i totally agree with you id be devestated too especially after a year i think you are right to think suspiciously as he didnt tell you it makes you think what he has to hide or what else he is keeping from you, i bet he wouldnt like it if you kept something like that from him. sit him down and ask if there is anything else he is keeping from you and fing out why he feels the need to keep in contact with his ex when he has you now, remember if you dont want to split up with him time is a great healer good luck x
2007-03-19 13:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Laurie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baggage!!!!!
Imagine a man being told that the woman he's wanting to marry/start a relationship with is still having thrice-weekly discussions with the ex-husband about child arrangements.
Baggage is heavy afer a while...
2007-03-19 14:41:12 · answer #7 · answered by Duncan Disorderly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's entitled to have a life isn't he??? or when he got with you did you take that away from him???
the fact he didnt' tell you might mean that's it's not a big deal at all. i talk to my ex almost daily... OMG tell my bf... he knows and he talks to him too but still he didn't talk to him til recently and i've been talking to my ex since i've been with my current bf... my ex is my best friend and some things i can't discuss with my bf i can with my ex... IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. let the man have a freakin life. back off girl or you're gonna cause him to dump you.
2007-03-19 12:51:20 · answer #8 · answered by Back*To*Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can understand why your devastated and you need to find out why he kept it quiet.
But you have to remember that she is his ex and your his current.
I wouldn't read to much into it and keep a clear perspective on the matter.
Good luck.
2007-03-19 12:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they were just friends then it wouldnt have been a secret. And if you have something with someone then you will always have that with that person. In my opinion they are talking for a reason, and im sure there is still some attraction there.
2007-03-19 12:48:46 · answer #10 · answered by s..... 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋