Even if i am not in the wrong.
2007-03-19 05:40:57 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't know why either, but for some reason you are insecure about yourself.
I spent the first 25 years of my life trying to get the approval of my mother... yep.. the person who is supposed to be an important part of your life. I got great grades, a scholarship, graduated 2nd in my class from college (according to her, if I would have applied myself I could have been 1st).....LOL
when a friend came to my house and looked at me one day and said.. you've been talking to your mother haven't you?? I asked her how she knew.. She said I always looked like someone had just kicked me.
That's when I decided I needed a backbone. I didn't call her anymore. If she wanted to talk to me, she had my number. I was more confident with my work. It was like I had finally realized that no one was secretly reporting to her what I was doing..... lol.. it's crazy what you imagine when you are insecure.
People consider me a strong woman. My children would never recognize the person I was then, and I'm happy now.
And you know what.. when people get mad at you.. it's their insecurities because they are in the wrong.. the only way to cover for their mistakes is to lash out.. if there is someone who looks weak, then they have won.
You be the one to simply say.. fine, if that is what you think, and walk away.. then do the right thing.. if it is for work... document everything, CYA..lol.. put your recommendation in writing and cc to everyone involved. If it's a personal matter. It requires 2 people to have an argument, if you are not there, the other is going to look really stupid arguing with air.
2007-03-19 05:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by larsgirl 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wise Guy is right. You have to approve of yourself. Other people's approval means more to you than your own approval. I'm finally getting over what you described. It may sound a little Freudian but it all starts out when we are kids. Some people learn that their opinion of themselves is most important- others learn that outside opinions matter most.
I got over my issue by changing my perspective and looking at the bigger picture.
It all started three years ago when I was 19. I have always been a good driver. While driving to my boyfriend's house I went through an intersection on a yellow light going the speed limit. In my state, this is legal. I wasn't speeding at all or running a yellow/red light. Someone turned left in front of me and we collided. I tried to swerve to avoid the accident so I wouldn't hit someone head on going 45mph. Unfortunately, we still hit and both our cars were totaled. I was fine, but the passenger in the other car was injured.
The driver of the other car got out and started yelling at me. He went on and on about how it was my fault and that I should feel bad that his wife was hurt. That was the first time I didn't feel bad about someone else being mad at me. I was mad at this idiot who almost killed me and rightly so! If anything, I saved everyone from being hurt worse by swerving.
The only way you'll get over this is to understand that at the end of the day you only have yourself (God if you believe in a god) and the mirror. At the end of the day, do you want to look in the mirror and feel bad that someone is mad at you for no good reason OR do you want to see a person who feels confident that they did the right thing. It sounds silly, but it is really that simple. Once you make the decision to value your own opinion over others, you'll start caring less about what other people think in general.
At the end of the day, I made all the right decisions and I should feel good that I reacted the way I did and avoided getting injured in a car accident. I was thankful that I was quick enough to react the way I did and that I wasn't sitting in a hospital bed being told that I would loose my legs. Unfortunately, someone else got the bumps and bruises.
2007-03-19 06:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by Erin H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not on you own with this one, I bet a lot of people can relate to this kind of statement/question inlcuding myself!! For years I spent time wondering what people thought of me, did they like me, if they didn't like me, why didn't they like, had I upset them, was I not the person they wanted me to be and its only just this last couple of years that I have realised there are far more important things in life like the people I already have in my life and how much they love and care for me and how much I love and care for them.
Stick with the people that are already in your life and seek their approval, but most importatnly seek you own approval, without this you will never be able to move on and conquer the insecurities you have and believe me, we all have them! If you can hand on heart say "I am not wrong" thats great, move on, dont dwell and dont doubt yourself.
I'm not sure this will help but chin up and keep smiling xx
2007-03-19 05:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, same here. I hate to admit it, but I got out of my way sometimes to not upset people. It's psychological. In the past when I've angered or upset someone, it cost me dearly. So now, because of that, I don't necesarilly seek approval, I just can't stand when someone doesn't like me or is mad at me. It gets me wondering "why".
2007-03-19 05:44:32 · answer #4 · answered by Saoirse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with that, just as long as you do not live your life around these approvals. Some people like it when others acknowledge them, and if they dont automatically assume they are mad. dont live your life around that, when others emotions get the best of you, it can tear you down. dont let them see your weakness, remember, you're your biggest fan. cheer up :)
2007-03-19 05:45:50 · answer #5 · answered by kc321 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
given which you're taking it upon your self to help out people who won't be as sturdy as you're, you are the single that is showing character. capability and talents is a duty no longer an entitlement. From what you have pronounced above you're showing that so kudos to you for doing so. to respond to your question as to why people bully you in effortless terms replied your guy or woman question. They revert to bullying because of the fact it supplies the visual attraction that they themselves are efficient and specific. besides the shown fact that, whilst confronted with somebody of equivalent or extra effective capability and make certain the guy who's bullying exhibits their genuine colours the colors of a coward. It would not take plenty to take great factor approximately some guy or woman who could be in a relative weaker place than you're at a modern-day time. basically undergo in concepts, stay who you're, and if somebody else reverts to bullying it ability they're much less greater than you're and habit your self for that reason do no longer supply them the delight and rapidly placed them of their place.
2016-10-02 09:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in need of approval from people because you have problems with your self image. Or in TA terms, you feel that you are NOT OK. Read, "I am OK, you are OK" by Thomas Harris.
You may be lacking in self-confidence too. It is possible to improve the same.
2007-03-19 06:28:57 · answer #7 · answered by Swamy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've shared the same uncomfortable mindset in my past. These days, I enjoy the freedom of knowing that other people's opinions have no influence on my life.
I did two things:
1. I saw a Clinical Hypnotherapist and worked through how my parent's displeasure with me affected me - healed that. (I then studied to become a Hypnotherapist myself).
2. I began to ask myself: does that person write my paycheck? If so, it is prudent for me to not offend them. That's just common sense.
I also started asking me "Will that person take over responsibility for my happiness after I've sacrificed it on their bad moods?"
The answer to that one is always NO.
Own your own feelings and let others have theirs. People go through life lessons that require them to work through their anger. Those are THEIR lessons, not yours. Yours is to acknowledge your own worth and begin to love yourself unconditionally.
2007-03-19 05:59:49 · answer #8 · answered by flywho 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a fact of life not everyone is going to like you. The best thing that you can do is to build your self confidence and then you won't have to rely on other people to do it for you.
Good Luck! Everyone wants to be accepted, but it is the ones you love that matter whether they like you or not.
2007-03-19 07:14:11 · answer #9 · answered by bookworm87 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing I go through. I am a definite people pleaser. Just try not to worry what other people think. Trust me it is a lot easier.
2007-03-19 05:45:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ridge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋