Do kids really need playdates?

Question

I have 2 kids(now 7 & 3.5) who've had regular playdates in spring/summers. This year, maybe I'm getting older and more classes for the kids or whatever, I find myself reluctant to schedule/monitor kids etc. My kids never ask for playdates, thought they are very happy if regular playdates start, they both play well together, spend 3-6 hrs in school M-F, and we go to the park 3-4 times a week, where there are enuf kids to play with.

I've done playdates in the past to help them make 'closer' friends. didn't work. they just play well with any kid(s).

So, the question is, if I skip the regular weekly playdates thing,
take them to the 3-4 neighborhood parks, bike in the street, they are happy playing in the backyard, am I short-changing them and being a lazy mom?
I feel they are not watching TV/video games, are getting outside, amusing themselves with minimal toys, we go to the park often, so it is OK. But the moms in my area feel like playdates are so important?

meant to say
"though they are very happy when pladates start", not
"thought they are very happy when playdates start"

Answer 1

It sounds as if you are doing a great job as a mom and giving your kids so many options. Do what works for you. If a playdate is your idea of a good time, then keep up with the other activities you are providing for your kids.
Doesn't sound like they are couch potatoes, so I wouldn't be too concerned.

Answer 2

It sounds like your kids are very active. My kids need playdates, because I'm a stay at home mom with four kids 4yrs old and under! It gets a little (ok a lot) crazy around here, because the kids tire of each other and we have to get out of the house. Good for you for limiting their time in front of tv! My kids tend to act up a lot when they watch it too much. You definately do NOT fit the description of a lazy mom! Just remember not to overtire them by getting them too involved in too many things. They'll let you know when they've had enough. The playdates thing is prob ok to skip, at this point.
CONGRATS on being a great mom!

Answer 3

playdates or no playdates, basic intention is to keep kids happy and active during leisure and holiday times. Because other moms feel playdate is important. You are not expected to follow the same rule. Since they are now 7 & 3.5, and enjoying with certain liberties given by you, you continue the same. As a mom you keep watch on them while playing, so that they do not get hurt.

Answer 4

I think the most telling sentence in your question is "But the moms in my area feel like playdates are so important.". It's an indication that you are substituting someone else's judgement for your own. Trust your own intuition, and make your own family the priority, not the norms of your geographic community.

"Playdates" are a recent phenomenon, and there certainly is no objective research that says that playdates improve a child's chances of being a far more happy and successful adult than a child deprived of playdates. Rather playdates seem to have been invented for the sake of stay-at-home moms who feel socially isolated and want a bunch of moms to get together to talk OR moms who feel overwhelmed always being around their children and want to take turns as a babysitting service in order to get some private time. If you feel other mothers pressuring you, know that it is because they are trying somehow to serve their own needs, not yours or your childrens.

Playdates seem to me to be a middle class/upper middle class norm. I grew up working class and now we're upper middle class. When first presented with the notion of playdates, the notion seemed so foreign to me. I figure that kids get plenty of social interaction in normal settings without having to force a scheduled interaction.

You present your children as socially normal. They don't seem to have an absolute NEED for a playdate (as regular social exercise). Do you feel a need for playdate time? Trust your own intuition on this one.

Answer 5

Play dates are for parents who are isolated. In an ideal situation, parents are involved with family and close friends so their children are part of a community.

I live in California and I had to drive all around the city visiting parks until I found a few where children would actually interact with each other. In many neighborhoods, people are so isolated that their children do not even know how to socialize (play with others) on the playground. It's like they have no normal recognition of or response to other children-they play alone and never talk to anyone.

It sounds like your children are fine and don't need to have organized play dates. Children will form their own friendships. If your child(ren) develop a good relationship with someone at the playground, then you can get to know the parent and occasionally invite the friend over or to go places.

Answer 6

I personally see it as a good thing. Although at times you feel taken advantage of because other mom's dont recipocate. This is a meaningful thing and is important, even if you dont do it except once a week or bi-weekly. I do see it as a sign of lazyness although I mean no offence. Todays moms are very busy and it is hard to find time for yourself. So it is not unusual that you are tired. You are doing all the right things with your kids so if you really must forgo the playdate. Do it. I dont think your kids will suffer.

Answer 7

When I was a kid, the term "play dates" didn't even exist... I think it's more important to let kids be kids. Let them go to the parks like you have been and they'll find friends to play with there. Even my 22 month-old makes friends when we go to the park! There is so much pressure on young moms now-a-days to schedule things for their children (like play dates, gymboree classes, etc) when in reality, studies are showing that informal creative play is when children (especially babies and toddlers) learn the most. You are doing great by letting them play outside around your neighborhood and at the park. They are getting fresh air, and more importantly they are being kids. :)

Answer 8

Not at all...while its good interaction for the kids, if they are getting it elsewhere then don't worry about it. In my opinion, most playdates are more for the moms to get together to chat while the kids play. If you don't feel like going, then don't guilt yourself about it.

Answer 9

When my daughter was younger I set them up, I was new to the area, she didn't have anyone.
As she has gotten older, I don't see the need.
She plays with children outside, she goes to friends, friends come over-it more or less just happens. I do not see you being lazy as you go to the park, outside, etc.
Just make sure if your kids ask to have someone over or to go over, say yes-once in a while doesn't hurt.

Answer 10

Playdates are so cheesy. When I was a kid, I just went over to a friend's house to play. It was the same with my kids (who are now in their 20's). I just don't understand why everything is so formalised and cloyingly cute. Yuck!!!