I have met a wonderful guy thru a dating service. The problem came when he told me that he is in jail. He said that he is in there by mistake and that he has been involved in an awful situation, because the owner of the company was involved with drugs. He was just a seller. He is pretty nice. What should I do? Run as fast as I can?
2007-03-19 04:27:45 · 24 answers · asked by Katherina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok, he is in jail right now but he hasn't had a trial yet. He is waiting for it and he has something like an habeas corpus, which I don't understand very well. He said that he would be out in just three months or less, 'cause they are still investigating the case.
2007-03-19 05:11:12 · update #1
Wow. I don't know about this one. Alot of people who are incarcerated say they're in jail "by mistake" & claim they "didn't do the crime". I don't want to tell you to run as fast as you can because what if he really is in there by mistake? People DO get locked up for the wrong reasons sometimes. He could very well be a good person.
On the other hand, people in jail are bigtime manipulators and liars. They are lonely and would go pretty far to have and keep contact with someone from the "outside world". There are also instances of people in jail getting someone's trust from the outside & engaging in a pen pal relationship only to wind up having that person do "tasks & favors" for them that they themselves cannot do because they are locked up. People in prison will say ALL OF THE RIGHT THINGS TO YOU and be the PERFECT PERSON while they are in jail. And alot of them become "so connected" with GOD once they get in jail and once they get out it's a whole different story.
Be careful with this situation because you never know who you are really dealing with when you make ties to someone who is in prison. If it were me I'd leave it alone & not let my heart guide my actions. It's easy to get caught up in a "relationship" with someone in prison because like I said, they say all of the right things & paint themselves as this perfect person even when they're telling you their "faults". The fact that they are not THERE with you every day in person is also a danger, because you wind up "imagining" this person to be whatever you want him to be, due to what he TELLS you; he becomes your best fantasy - and in your head it's all good - it's almost like a drug.
I've been there before. Just be careful. And DONT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY no matter what you do. Don't get caught up in doing favors for this guy either.
2007-03-19 04:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by LaLa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kat, gurl...run fast! I've been through the man in jail experience. Okay, yeah, sure you can talk to him and maybe even write him from time to time just to be nice. But wait until he gets out and see how he does... Men are great when they are in jail because they live in their own pretend fantasy world. Don't fall for the hype, I'm warning you now. And don't believe everything he tells you. Clearly, if a judge didn't fall for him claiming that he is innocent then you shouldn't.
Oh yeah...and look him up on the net. Most states have a department of corrections website that you can go check people out on....see what he is charged with and how he looks.....
2007-03-19 04:34:02 · answer #2 · answered by keisha_ke11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. You need to evaluate the details of his story and confirm that he is being honest with you. If what he is telling you is the truth then the answer to whether you should give him a chance is yes. If he is lying (many crooks do that) then you should not remain in this situation and give him any chance at all. Do some research for yourself. Good luck. The more you know the better you are to make a decision. Talk to the lawyers. Read the case files if possible. Get the newspaper from that time when his case was being tried.
2007-03-19 04:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by justclicktherubyslippers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um... yes. There are plenty of nice guys out there that are not in jail or risking getting there, think about it for yourself in the long run, do you want a jailhouse sweetheart? How can you trust him that it was a mistake since most everyone in jail claims innocence. Get your money back from that dating service too. You want a guy that will be there for you, not one that needs you to be his alibi the next time this happens.
2007-03-19 04:32:01 · answer #4 · answered by Captain Chaos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people in jail will tel you they are in there by mistake. It may be true but most liekly is a lie.
You will never be able to have your relationship grow if you can never see him.If you really want to date him wait until he is out than then give it a try,
However if this was me I would stay away and find a nice guy outside of jail.
2007-03-19 04:30:38 · answer #5 · answered by ...Melissa... 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can you really not find a good guy outside of jail? I suspect you kinda are attracted to the theme of not really having this guy in real life.
You seem conflicted about romance, and hesitant to have a good guy or something.
Maybe you are one of those types that can't be attracted to a nice guy? Like you NEED someone to hurt you, in order to fall in love?
Anyways, I won't condemn whatever it is, but you know, seriously think about why it is that you are attracted to a man in jail. I think you're overlooking the nice guys in real life.
2007-03-19 04:31:58 · answer #6 · answered by sisofphil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run as fast as you can in the other direction.
Everyone in jail is there by mistake. There are plenty of nice guys out there who do not break the law. RUN....
2007-03-19 04:31:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he gets out
Date casually
Do not start something while he is in jail
Keep it as friends/penpals
People will tell you to run, even if he was involved and was guilty, it doesn't mean he is a bad person or incapable of being in a relationship.
2007-03-19 04:32:11 · answer #8 · answered by Chyme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is for you to decide...however I believe everyone makes mistakes and can learn from them and change.
Maybe take your time thru talking to him & REALLY get to know about him & the kind of person he is now.
In alot of cases jail time does tend to change people for the better.
Best of luck.
2007-03-19 04:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but internet dating can be dangerous, especially with people who 've been in jail.
And you know, they all say the same -"I got in jail by mistake, I was JUST a seller"
I wouldn't give him a chance. Not yet at least.
2007-03-19 04:31:14 · answer #10 · answered by moulin.rouge 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋