I need to know how to comfort my hubby...?

Question

My Egyptian bf's brother died recently. My bf is currently widthrawn and uncommunicative but I believe he needs me... Only I need to know what I can do to comfort him. I wish he would just tell me but I don't think he knows himself or that he knows what to say. I am scared to offend him or seem insensitive. I tried to reach out to him; to find out what I can about his situation and what's happening in his life since he ignored me for 3 weeks. So far, he's not saying anything more about his life and He's accused me of being selfish when I asked him what he feels about me. I am feeling hopeless not knowing what to do.... I really love this guy and hope he would open up and trust himself entirely to me.

Answer 1

A Normal Life Process
At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages Of Grief
Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
Grief And Stress
During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.

Recovering From Grief
Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached

Answer 2

He needs time. All you can do is be there for him. He's going to go through a lot of phases. He'll get really angry too, that's part of the process. If you stay by his side and you are there all the time for him when he comes through this he'll see that. You can't necessarily make it go away, just try to cheer him up. Some days he'll let you and others he'll lash out at you. You are going to have to take it all and just know that he's not himself right now. If you love him you will have to be strong and very patient. For a while it's not going to be about how you feel when he acts a certain way. Love is patient, stay strong and you will be OK and so will he.
Good luck.

Answer 3

First off, you would need to understand how his culture handles grief. I have no idea, but is it possible that it's quite different from what you're used to?

This sort of thing is a reliable indicator of how you'll be able to handle difficult situations as your relationship progresses. It's important to find out what the barrier is that's preventing him from talking about his loss, and find out if it's at all something that can be breached.

Be prepared for a culture clash if you're not aware of one already.

Answer 4

Losing a family member is never easy. People deal with death in different ways. All you can really do let him know that you're there for him, and that if he needs you then he only has to ask.
The only other thing that I can think of is that if you know some of his mates, then it might be worth talking to them. Maybe he feels more comfortable opening up to his buddies, it's worth a try, right?