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We have a nephew who is in his 20s (we are in our 30s w/14 yr old daughter) and is in the USCG. He seems to be "on shore leave" every few weeks and will just show up at our house without calling, or will give short notice ("hey i'm on the way") before coming. When he arrives, he tends to basically sit around, watch TV, eat our food and make a mess. He basically comes and goes like it is his own home.

At first we had no problem accomodating him. In fact, prior to his enlisting in the USCG, he lived with us for a period of time. But even then, his plan was to stay "one month," but after he spent all his savings in one week, one month became more like four months.

My wife is now in her ninth month of pregnancy and his act of just showing up is beginning to wear on us both.

Does anyone find this rude and/or inconsiderate? How do we broach this topic with him w/o hurting feelings? I'm trying to understand why I'm so bent out of shape about it....

2007-03-19 03:29:23 · 19 answers · asked by jrodriguesny 1 in Family & Relationships Family

19 answers

YES . that is very rude and inconsiderate. Next time he calls be honest with him and tell him that you are unable to accomodate him at this time due to your wifes position but would like him to visit sometime during his stay.

2007-03-19 03:34:01 · answer #1 · answered by shae 6 · 2 0

Yes, this is extremely rude and inconsiderate. This is a grown man. He is use to abusing your hospitality because you allow him to do it. Now is the time to put a stop to it.

The next time he calls and he's "on the way", just tell him it's not a convenient time and you have other plans. If he shows up at your front door, don't allow him inside of the house. Step outside and face him like and man and tell him the truth. You will be doing him a huge favor by explaining it's not polite to drop in whenever he feels like it and that your wife is expecting and it upsets her. Talk to him man to man.

No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it...that's why you're upset with yourself. You won't hurt his feelings; and if you do, so what? Put put your wife first. She will appreciate you for that. Godloveyouall.

2007-03-19 04:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0 0

He feels more than comfortable at you're home and it's what he calls home and probably thinks that it doesn't bother you by him being there.Because he is family and he should be welcome at any time.Especially if he doesn't have parents to go home to.Sounds to me like you need to treat him like a kid and set rules for him.Like cleaning up after his self and doing things (repairs etc..) to help around the house if he's gonna be around for a while.Make his self use full.Hes obviously a good caring person,And doesn't steal from you,or disrespect .He needs attention from you and looks up to you.Where are his parents?Seems to me like he has adopted you to be parents to him.He needs attention and guidance.He may be an adult,but still has a lot of growing up to do.And he looks up to you allot.And cares about you allot.If his parents are not here,That's even more of a reason for him to be clinging on to you.He may still be very hurt by them not being here.This is a very delicate situation.Don't take it lightly.And don't push family out the door that don't deserve it.Talk to him and let him know that the things he does gets on you're nerves and that he needs to do more to help out.I really don't find this rude or inconsiderate of him.For the reasons I've discussed above.This kid is crying out for you're love and attention.One day soon he will meet a woman and start a family of his own and you will not see him much at all.

2007-03-19 03:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by mygrandparentsrthebestintheworld 3 · 0 0

Yes, it's rude. However, he might not think of it as being so. He's still living a single life and has the mentality that dropping by to see whoever, whenever is great. That's fine for single people, college students, etc. Not so great for a family. I would just be honest and let him know that you have a family now, and that if he wants to come visit he should give you notice. Good luck!

2007-03-19 03:35:18 · answer #4 · answered by Melinda 3 · 0 0

You're upset about it because he's invading your privacy at a time when you're already under stress -- your wife is due very soon.

Just let him know that with the baby coming, your place can't serve as a crash pad anymore. You'll have a different budget, different sleep/awake schedules, and you'll need clear time for yourselves and your new infant.

I'm sure you want him to feel welcome to visit, but tell him exactly what notice you'd need, and make sure he understands that how he's behaving right now will NOT fly any longer.

Yeah, you're using the new baby as a leverage tool, but it's a convenient way to help him understand that things are changing for your household, and that he has to change as well.

2007-03-19 03:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0 0

Yes it is inconsiderate.........But you probably made him feel this was ok by welcoming him with open arms instead of treating him like a guest in the first place....you sent the wrong vibes and he is accepting them....and you in place of his parents. Your actually angry with yourself for not realizing
your kindness was limited to him as a relative, not a son, and you allowed him to get the wrong idea.
Tell him how you enjoy him and want him to visit, but it
is getting to hard for your wife in her condition so you'd appreciate more warning, not as often or as long, cause
with another "child of your own" your situation has changed. He's young and just acting like a normal grownup kid
unaware of the reality of responsibility that goes with family.

2007-03-19 03:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Honestly, yes I would feel the same way. That kind of behavior would get on my nerves. I would just kind of bring it up and let him know that things are going to get hectic in your household (congratulations on your wife's pregnancy) and that you'll HAVE to have heads up when he wants to come and visit. You can also just let him know "hey man, since we have an addition to the family, can you help keep up on things while you're here"? It's a nice way to be sublte about making messes that you don't need to clean up. He'll either get the hint and understand or get the hint and be mad and not come back (which is not your fault either way) Best wishes!!!

2007-03-19 03:37:20 · answer #7 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0 0

My door is always open to visitors. To me, family members are NOT visitors. They are always welcomed.

You are in a time of stress right now with the new baby coming. You have to do what is right for your family.

Tell him that you need him to call before coming. Let him know that he is welcomed, but for a visit not for overnight stays since the new baby is coming so soon.

Sounds like he is actually going "home". He lived with you for a while so he feels like your house is his HOME. He may not even realize that he is there as a visitor.

Best of luck to you.

2007-03-19 04:15:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You can hurt him for a moment by being honest and truthful or you can continue to hurt yourselves. He is obviously inconsiderate and he's not about to change without your prodding. Just sit him down and explain that things have changed in your family. You are getting ready to bring a new baby into the home, you need space and privacy and he needs to try to make friends and make himself busy elsewhere. Be kind but be firm.

2007-03-19 03:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by bombastic 6 · 0 0

i imagine that's totally rude and thoughtless. right here's an Islamic attitude, no longer a sermon. Muslim adult men are directed by ability of the Prophet (said) now to not enter their spouse's homestead at evening. We enter in the course of the day. also, a Muslim nuclear relatives can shy away travellers (even relatives individuals) in the journey that they felt it replaced into an inconvenient time and the centred visitor is envisioned to understand the purposes of the relatives. Now, i imagine a sit down feart-to-heart should be had including your nephew. Lay down the regulations of your position in a fashion that does no longer make it look like you should respond to to him, because you do not. communicate it including your spouse first on the way you 2 want the priority resolved and bypass from there. I doubt you'll damage his emotions because i'm detecting tremendous love and issue on your nephew. best desires. be at liberty to hit me up, my e mail is open

2016-12-02 05:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by lathem 4 · 0 0

He is definitely rude and inconsiderate. Kindness has its limits. Try to talk to him gently and without sounding like you are blaming him or something. Just explain that the conditions at you home will not allow him to continue what he has been doing. Try to put yourself in his shoes so you'll find the right words to say.

2007-03-19 03:43:00 · answer #11 · answered by moohlan 2 · 0 0

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