how can i deal with jealousy?

Question

i have a bit of a problem with jealousy. it doesn't occur often but when it does i don't think i handle it properly. for example, if anyone read my post from yesterday would see that i overreacted to something quite small. instead of talking it through with my g/f i get a bit narky, nothing terrible just a bit prickly. so firstly, how can i handle these feelings of jealousy inside and how can i then react in a better way?

Answer 1

im 50 yrs old when you find out can you let me know too,thanks.

Answer 2

Good for you for trying to deal with this sensibly. Jealousy is a horrible and useless emotion that is only ever destructive, and helps no-one.

Look, it's an emotion, and emotions can be sat on until they die away. If someone cuts you up badly on the highway, your first reaction might be to kill them. But you don't - unless you're a loony. And after a while, the reaction fizzles away. In fact after this happens to you multiple times, you might not even have the reaction at all.

It's possible to do the same with jealousy. For a while, you may have to really clench your teeth a bit to suppress the emotion, but it will get easier. If you need to, get away from the situation for a minute or two - go to the Gents or something.

If you can, try to think about it logically - which is the opposite of emotionally. Consider how little good a jealous reaction would be, and how much benefit there might be in a calmer, neutral response. Just to underscore that: emotions are *not* logical - they're instincts that help animals with tiny brains do things that help them survive. That's fine for squirrels, but humans have giant brains that can do much better than following programmed behaviour patterns.

The tricky part is that emotions control your body, especially hormones. It's difficult to think clearly when your bloodstream is full of adrenalin to make you run fast, and adrenocorticotropin to prevent bleeding, and your heart is pounding. That's why a break is useful, to allow all that brain-numbing junk to die down.

I don't know if this will work for you, but: in a calm moment, on your own, try to think of the worst-case scenario. Your partner really getting off with someone else.

Ooh, how terrible! So what? What would this really mean? They don't love you anymore? You sure? Would it stop you from loving them if came in through the window for a quicky? If so, consider yourself unusual. Most guys' affection for their significant other wouldn't be much affected by such an event.

But anyway - this isn't what happened, is it? Whatever made you jealous was probably some silly little thing that didn't affect your feelings for each other in any material way, and certainly isn't going to lead to them shagging someone else - at least, not if you don't make yourself look like an insecure twit by throwing a tantrum over it.

Trust is important, but despite what others say, I don't think that means 'trusting your partner not to '. I think it's more important to trust that your partner loves you. If they do, they'll be yours whatever they do. And if they *don't*, no angry tantrums will make them.

Good luck. It can be done.

CD

Answer 3

Once I read a story:
There was a boy who liked to hear birds singing, so much so that one day, he trapped a bird and put it in a cage. He did that because he loved the singing of the bird and wanted that the bird sing only for him. The first few days, he was very happy because all day long, the bird sang. However, as the days go by, the bird starts become more and more quiet until one day arrived it stopped singing. The boy was disappointed and sad too. He tried to give the bird better food, but still it doesn't sang and looked sad. The boy tried almost everything he can but still the bird didnt sang. Finally, the boy decided to release the bird because it was of no use for him. He was sad to let it go because even if the bird was not singing, it was in front of him. But even though he muster enough courage and let it go. As the bird went away, the boy became heart broken and somewhere inside him, he wanted the bird to come back and sing for him. He waited but the bird didnt come. Then after several days, as he woke up in the morning, he heard the bird singing. He ran and went to see through the window and he saw the bird singing. He was so excited to se it back singing that he wnted to catch it again. But then he realised why the bird was not singing when he put it in the cage. He deprived the bird of its freedom and this led to both been unhappy. Now that he has set the bird free, both the bird and himself was happy as the bird got its freedom and the boy is getting to hear the bird singing again. I have summarised the story.
From this story, I have learned that being jealous (never want to share), possessive (keep for onself) and obcessed (loving too much), will lead you to nowhere. Jealous people will never live freely and happily. They will also deprive others of happiness. The more freedom you give to others, the more closer will they come to you, and love you more. The more you try to possess something, less is the chance of getting it!

Answer 4

Jealousy is a bad emotion! You need to trust in the one your with and know that they trust in you. When your feelings are true there should be no need for jealously. We all usually have some kind of insecurities about us, but you must get a handle on them. If you need counselling for this, then go. When someone really LOVES you, you should feel content inside with yourself. Take a good look at your relationship and find out where the problem lies. Hope this helps. Cocoa

Answer 5

Sometimes you just need to keep your distance when you have a friend that involves those feeling on a regular bases... I actually stop being friends with a woman who I have know for 22 years due to the fact everything was a freaking competition with her.... it drove me insane and make me feel like I had to keep up or it would make me want to tear her down.... since most of her doings were lies.... So I just got to the point where it wasn't worth it and stop being friends with her. I guess I am asking- Is it always this one person who gets you going or do you feel you have a jealous problem in general?? For me it was just one person so after I got rid of her... I was fine!!

Answer 6

Man to man, you have to realise that there is always going to be a possibility of losing your girlfriend. If you can accept that as fact, then your grip on her can loosen. Hey, if she ever wants to go, she is going to go and there is nothing you can do to stop her.
With that in mind, just be a good person. Focus your attention on her, do nice things for her without expecting anything in return, and give her the freedom to get away once in a while. If she ever leaves you, she will have lost a good thing and there will be another woman who, having seen how good you treated your g/f, will be more than happy to reciprocate.

Answer 7

You have to learn to be more trusting -- if your gf didn't want to be with you -- she wouldn't -- and there will always be that little bit of jealousy that gets to you -- just take her hand and give it a kiss and see the awesome smile you get in return and it will remind you that she's with you.

Answer 8

OK...well i know of a place almost like an AA thing...but it deals with people that have temper probs and probs like yours...believe me you cant just deal with it...unless its an unsecurity issue...if so talk to your gf and build more trust in your relationship cz without that your relationship is doomed!...so the main thing i can tell you is...talk talk talk!dont hold things in or keep it from your loved one...believe me it works!

Goodluck!

Answer 9

My g/f works as a pole dancer and i told her that i would never be able to go and watch her.... as the jealousy would tear me apart and i wouldnt be able to cope with it....

So out of sight out of mind.... that works for me....

Answer 10

what ever or who ever is bothering you stay away from it