I am 19 and this guy is 21. This guy and I have been going out on dates for the past few weeks or so. Everything is really great and he is incredibly nice and very much a gentleman. We are about ready to make it official that we are together as a couple. But a couple things have been bothering me about actually getting into a relationship with him: He is Catholic (which isn't an issue, but I am Presbyterian and our views will differ, especially in the long run), I like the boy, but I am also a little bit stuck on my former high school crush from a few years back--really trying to get over him, and finally he doesn't have a car (he can drive any everything, yet we just live in the dorms at college so he really doesn't need one too much, but I would kind of like not to drive all the time)...lastly, he is a little clingy..
These probably seem like minimal issues, but these could eventually affect our relationship. I don't know, he is so nice and caring, I just don't know what to do!
2007-03-19 02:57:50 · 12 answers · asked by Camelot 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The issues are far from minimal. You are doing something that most of us (usually women) don't do - see the red flags for what they are: warning signs! Good for you. Now, as for him being Catholic, as you said, you guys are young and just starting to date, unless you see a real future with this guy - as in marriage - I wouldn't worry about his religious beliefs too much. Ask him some critical questions on religion to see if his basic beliefs in God and Christ are the same as yours, and if they are, you'll be fine. If not, that's something to definitely consider, especially if you do see a future with him. For the no car, I totally understand how you feel. My girlfriends call me a snob because I would never date a man who didn't have a car. I feel like if I have one, you should too. I could see a 21 year old not having a car, especially if he's just tolling around campus, but it does make going out an issue. What you can do is let him drive your car whenever you guys go out - my fiance has a car, but admittedly mine is better - so we usually end up taking my car but he drives. If you have issues with him driving your car, perhaps he's not the one for you because if you can let him inside your body, but not drive your car, that's not a good sign. Now, If you are still stuck on another guy, is it really fair to start a relationship with this new guy? Is there any chance of a reconciliation with the past lover, or are you just trying to get over him? If the latter, than okay, go ahead with the new guy because the surest way to get over someone old is by having someone new. Finally, his being clingy is probably the biggest red flag...especially if you pair in the other factors. If he's doesn't really have a life of his own, and is looking for you to be his soul entertainment and source of happiness, that's not good. It is not your job to make him happy, it's your job to ADD to his happiness. Now think about if he's some sort of religious zealot, with no other means of transportation but you and he's overly dependent on you and possessively wants you around and your full attention and you start pulling away to talk to this old flame....what do you think will happen? Sounds like a time bomb waiting to explode. Seems like to me you need to make certain you won't be getting back with the old flame and then talk to the new one about space and alone-time. If he's okay with that and you are sure about being with him, then it should be okay. Everything else can be worked out. Good luck.
2007-03-19 03:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with most women is the fact that they dont realise that a guy must measure their expectation to 80% and 20% can be made to adapt as time goes on. Dr. Phil says that in his book "love smart" and its so true. I married a man with the same differences you mentioned and although its just 4 months into the marriage, the very things that you think will tear you apart is actually the thing that makes it interesting. Like you know that it will be boring if you were exactly alike... a 100% match in life is IMPOSSIBLE. He sounds like he is worth taking the risk. Just learn to respect each others values and try to research his beliefs to understand him. You have to get over the ex and move on in life, stagnent water attracts bugs and disease so imagine what stagnent love does! And lastly its nice having someone clingy over someone who doesnt care at all. Youre lucky! You hit bulls eye so go for it!
2007-03-19 10:09:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are such things as trains, busses, rented cars, cabs, bikes, etc. , zip car, borrowed cars, etc.
I even used to hitchhike, maybe I'm too old for that now.
Anyway, I like to see a need for something first, then to meet that need. I'm thinking maybe I chould get a pickup truck next. A small one.
Sometimes when an Irish Catholic and an Italian Catholic hooked up in my hometown it was a problem. I'm not religous (can't even spell it) , so I don't even understand that sort of problem. Two people like each other, no problem I figure
2007-03-19 10:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice and caring dont mean much. All troubled relationships start out that way. The clingy part would bother me. Watch out for signs of trouble. If little things bother you now, it's not too late to bail out. But if you stay, those little things can turn into big things, then it would be harder to go
2007-03-19 10:04:15 · answer #4 · answered by joquai1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have stated alot of reasons NOT to be with this guy. this is not a good start to any relationship. These are RED flags, listen to your instincts. He may be a a really nice guy and a great catch, but just not for you. Move on. Get what you want and need.
2007-03-19 10:04:43 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you trying to sabatoge youself from being happy?
You have a car. so drive- have fun.(remember he really doesn't need one?)
Your in COLLEGE- forget highschool guy- move on.
Your BOTH Christians!
Well the clingy thing you can work on. just make yourself busy after being with him (i.e STUDYING..girlfriends etc)
Just go for it. You two might be perfect together for awhile. even if it doesn't work out. atleast it will be fun while it lasts!
Good luck!
2007-03-19 10:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by moneequaah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would keep it casual with this guy until you are over the last one. keep your options open until this guy proves himself to you. religion is a bad thing to base relationships on. You both believe in God right? that should be the end of that conversation. are you sure you still have a thing for the last guy or were you just use to him being there? you shouldn't want a guy who doesn't want you.
2007-03-19 10:04:02 · answer #7 · answered by in2one 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These don't sound like minimal issues to me. Sound like you are not ready to make it official. Can't you still go out with him with out it being official?
2007-03-19 10:05:08 · answer #8 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go with your instinct. i met this guy when i had just turned 15 and i was just gettin out of a relationship too. now i'm 18 and we're still together and in love!
2007-03-19 10:02:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go for it what have you got to loose ?
you are still young and need to test the waters else
you will never know...
good luck and if something really bugs you tell him.
you have to be honest for it to work.
communication is very important in a relationship.
2007-03-19 10:04:34 · answer #10 · answered by JJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋