in search of a little more feedback on my work..?

Question

To the slaughter, I walked willing,
Not for part of a ritual killing.
I led myself there using seduction,
On my path to self-destruction.

I vanished behind that bedroom door,
But emerge alive, and the same as before.
I went in, but didn’t even get my fill,
But I’ll be back, and by my own free will.

It’s happened in the past, it will happen in the future,
Please don’t think my heart will need some kind of suture.
I know he doesn’t want me, intoxication let me there,
But don’t let thoughts burden you; it’s none of your affair.

Don’t go thinking it’s such a shame,
It is I who chooses to plays the game,
In fact I'm not what you perceive me to be,
I’m not really the lamb you see.


**i think it needs more work, not sure what.. constructive critisism..?? feedback of any sort welcome.

Answer 1

I think you did a great job on this. It's not too deep. I think it gets the point across !!!!

Answer 2

I like the poems that you posted here. I would like to comment on the last one, if I may. here go:

you need to be careful with your grammar. I think the following line should have been: It is I who CHOOSE to PLAY the game. reason: the word who in this line refers to I, therefore, it should be CHOOSE. moreover, if you use an infinitive (to + verb), the verb should be in its plain simple present form, so it should be TO PLAY. reason: the word play (with the word to before it) does not function as verb, but as a noun.

I hope my comments help.