We're having a problem planning our wedding?! PLEASE HELP!?

Question

My fiancee and I have been engaged now for a little over a month. We both have been seeing each other for nearly a year, and have become very involved with one another by living and doing everything together for quite sometime.

Now, the only problem we are experiencing is that we cannot decide a date and venue. I want it one way (in my church, with a small amount of family and friends), as my parents (the groom's) have decided to help us finance the wedding, as my bride-to-be's cannot.

My friend is a wedding planner, and really wants us both to work through this, but she suggested a minimum of a six month engagement so we don't feel overwhelmed, and have the time to work on it.

This will be my first marriage and her second marriage, and I want it to be a special day, but without too much "fluff", she wants it to be in the USVI without any friends or family just the two of us, and I want a church wedding. Am I being unreasonable? Any and all help is appreciated! Thank you.

Answer 1

I would Definatley talk to her. She might be scared because of her first failed marriage. I totally agree with you though. It is not just about the bride getting married it is also a about the groom. And it is your first marriage, and you should be able to marry in the eyes of god. Try to sit down and tell her your feelings about the situation. Tell her that is is very important to you and it also means alot to you and your family to marry in a church. I hope she is understanding. Especially if you and your parents are paying for everything. Good Luck! I hope all works out for the best of you both!!

Answer 2

I think the bride should concede to your requests for two reasons....first she's already been married, had the wedding thing (I'm assuming) and shouldn't deprive you of the experience, and two, your parents have a agreed to help with the financing as her family is unable to do so, she should understand that your parents want to SEE and partake in what their money is paying for. However, there is such an easy way to make this a happy occasion for all. Have a smaller wedding. Since you already said you don't want a lot of "fluff" then you can have something really lovely, small and intimate. Invite only family and close friends. Have the ceremony in your church and then a dinner or small gathering at a restaurant as opposed to doing a reception. If your fiancee loves you, she'll see that you need this because it's your day too. I hope things work out well. Good luck.

Answer 3

My guess would be that since this is her second wedding, she feels a bit silly doing the whole shebang again. She probably feels that since she did it the first time that its impolite to do it all over again, which I cant argue with her, but I also cant argue with you wanting the "wedding" since its your first time (and hopefully only time). Could you maybe compromise and go away for the wedding and then come home and throw a reception? Or is the church a really big deal for you? I think you should sit down with her and talk about it, maybe also talk to her parents and tell them the situtaion. If she is feeling uneasy about inviting her family to another wedding, they may be able to give youa better reading of how her family would react to another wedding for her. But be aware that they might say that this isnt the greatest if ideas. We have a divorced woman in our family and she has been dating a new man for quite a while and we all feel that an engagement is right around the corner for them. It would be her second and his first just like you, and although I wouldnt mind going to a wedding for them if they chose it, I would hope that it wouldnt be the traditional wedding where she wore the big gown and had all the bells and whistles that she had with the first wedding. I would think that to be very tacky, so be aware that some people will feel the same way.
In the end though, all that matters is that you are married, and if you compromise I am sure you will be able to work it out.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Just remember it isn't the cost or kind of wedding that makes a lifetime marriage work out. It is the commitment that you have for each other. Sit your fiance down and tell her that you don't care whether you get married in a church, on a beach, in a courthouse, or at a drive through chapel in Gatlinburg Tennessee(and they do have one). As long as she will become your wife that's all that matters to you. Your wedding day is for the two of you, not your family, friends, and wedding planners. It is a day that you both promise to love, honor, and cherish one another. Your fiance is wanting a romantic ceremony in USVI for the two of you to remember and without the pressure of planning and other people to worry about pleasing. You can have a minister do the ceremony there just as well as in a church and it will be just as sacred as long as you say those vows from the heart. If you can afford to go to such a beautiful setting to do it, then let her have her romantic memory to enjoy. You will also find that women of all ages love a romantic life. If you truly care about her don't let the romance die after you kiss the bride. Treat her each and every day like it is your wedding day and you can enjoy that same feeling for the rest of your lives. Good Luck on whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

Seeing as this is your first marriage, your fiancee should stop being selfish and let you enjoy your special day the way you would like it to be. It's not your fault that she's been married once before and got to enjoy her special day, probably the way she wanted it to be. She needs to see that before any plans can be made. If your parents are financing the wedding, how can your fiancee not want them there?
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG of her.

I agree with your friend the wedding planner. Maybe wait a few months before even setting your date. Enjoy the engagement before making all the wedding plans as that can be stressful enough and by the sounds of it, your stressed already. In my opinion and experiences, when parents become involved in financing ANYTHING, it's usually what they want so maybe you should sit down and discuss with them a budget and get their ideas/ opinions before you do any planning.

Answer 6

She prob feels this way bc she has had a previous marriage and has already been through it all once (possibally). I know of many women who have been married more than once and are married to their currant husband whom is on his first marriage (and hopefully last). These women all felt the same way, and the husbands all feel the same as you do. I only stated this, bc it seems to be a common trend for women in this catagory.

I think that you should talk it over with your bride and try and understand why she feels the way she does and voice your concerns and feelings as well. Maybe you can come up with a beautiful compromise.

I hope all works well for you :) Good luck!

Answer 7

Well, we cannot decide for your loved one. Yu both have to sit down and brainstorm and work out the kinks. Completing such a task without real study will only cause more heartache than solution. You want this to be a happy day, not a day with commotion, "i told you so" and "had it been like i said.." are not the best things to hear.

Answer 8

No your not unreasonable it's your first wedding, I agree wait six months, if you can't agree before marriage what's it going to be after marriage.

Answer 9

I think if the bride doesn't want anything big or small... then sit down and talk to her... I am sure there is a reason. I honestly think the bride should have the "last" say about what she wants... funny cause my fi would love to just elope while I am making him do the big wedding... and we are paying for it.

Answer 10

yeh i agree if she has been married b4 well then she's probly jst a little bit scared so talk too her at confit her as much as possible