Can i get some feedback on a poem?
feedback please, constructive critisism welcome. this was kind of to retaliate from something this guy wrote about me. i'm thinking end end needs some word, any suggestions?
Slaughter
To the slaughter, I walked myself willing,
Not for a part of a ritual killing.
I led myself there using seduction,
On my path to self-destruction.
I disappeared behind that bedroom door,
But I come out alive, and the same as before.
I went in, but didn’t even get my fill,
But I’ll be back, and by my own free will.
It’s happened in the past, it will happen in the future,
Please don’t think my heart will need some kind of suture.
I know he doesn’t want me, intoxication let me there,
But don’t let thoughts burden you; it’s none of your affair.
Don’t go thinking it’s such a shame,
I’m the one who chooses to plays the game,
I’m not even what you think I am,
Cause I’m not like a lamb.
2007-03-19 00:52:01 · 5 answers · asked by Jackie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think it is an awesome poem you got here, but the end does need a little work. I mean the reader can understand what your saying at the end but if i were you i would kind of reword it differently.
2007-03-19 01:05:54 · answer #1 · answered by leona 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very sad, not only the content, but that you are so depressed. Put your creativity to work where it won't be on the dark side.
2007-03-19 07:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to stress your rhymes so much. It is a good poem regardless of the mood set.
2007-03-19 08:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mista R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I love Poetry and I must say that is one of the best ones I've ever heard. It's great! Keep it up! =D
2007-03-19 07:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by Andreios 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds very dark,
2007-03-19 07:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by terryodell42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋