Girlfriend not interested, cheating on me?

Question

My 'girlfriend' of several months went to a party last weekend without me. I was invited to the same party but she said she does not want me to go, as she wanted the night to herself so she can be with her friends without me being there - I stupidly agreed to this. Several hours later I receive information from a friend of mine that spots her at the party laying next to another guy. I confront her about it and tell her that it makes me uncomfortable, she says she was drunk and did not really realize it - she says she will stay away from him that night. Later in the night I got another notification from a friend that the same guy had his arm around her, like she was his property. Am I overexaggerating to think that this could be the start of her cheating on me in the future? The reason I call her my 'girlfriend' is because after months of intimacy, romance, and love, she still refuses to acknowledge us as a couple, she still considers herself single. What should I do with her? I'm lost.

Ever since then, I've had a terrible feeling in my gut. I have not had an appetite and I feel terrible, sad, and broken. I can't understand why she'd say that she would stay away from him, and long after the alcohol wore off (3 hours after, she was sober at this point), willingly let him put his arm around her. She assures me nothing happened and the person that had his arm around her and was with her the night is actually a friend of mine and he said nothing happened either. I see myself as in a relationship with her, we talk on the phone, cuddle, hold hands, watch movies, go out to dinner, buy each other gifts, are intimate in the bedroom, etc - yet she does not consider us to be in a relationship. During the same party, when someone asked her why she's with another man, isn't she dating me, she said 'NO I'M NOT DATING HIM' several times throughout the night. I feel ignored, useless, unacknowledged, hurt, and most of all, betrayed. She's one of a kind and I love her, should I stay?

One last question, from a third party standpoint, would you consider what me and her have a real relationship? We actively converse, we see each other several times a week, we hold hands, cuddle, talk on the phone for hours, etc. I quit smoking for her and gave up a lot of my bad habits for her. A month ago I got in an accident and I was t-boned in a truck, destroying my M3. Ever since then we have had problems in our relationship. She also does not grant me the privilege of talking to one of my closest female friends, whom I have never done anything with and never will. She tells me she is worried I will cheat on her, but then something like this happens and she expects me to be ok with it. She hardly ever says 'I love you to me', in her defense she says she likes me but she's not sure it's love yet. She does occasionally say it. I asked her today that if she doesn't consider us to be in a serious relationship, and some guy asks her if she's single, she'd honestly say yes. WTF???

Answer 1

This girl is no good...she is ruling you..she definitely wears the trousers in your relationship....Do not put up with this a second longer..she will not change.

Answer 2

You should tell her to practice abstinence,,lol... And then you should move on... If you dont, that feeling in your gut will make everything in your life horrible... Trust your gut, seeing as it's all messed up, find what makes it feel better and go with it... She doesnt share the same feelings that you do for the simple fact that she was with the other dude, be it whatever type of circumstance and that she denies you two as a couple... Forget her and move on, give your gut the freedom from those messed up feelings or it will eat you alive... I recently broke up with my ex because while i was locked up she made a "mistake", i forgave her, because i understand that a year of loneliness can make you do things you later regret, though i tried to work it out with her there was always doubts about her in the back of my mind and as that, her and i resulted in unhappiness... Though i still love her, we were together for 5 years, we just dont get along no more... Gotta move on and find a woman that makes your stomach feel good, n not all twisted up... Good luck

Answer 3

First question: Why are you asking for help?
Based on what you've narrate, everyone with a thinking brain would tell u to dump her and that she's not worth it. Its pure logic and you know thats what you should do.

But for some unknown reasons, love and logic doesnt go hand in hand at times. You know that the right move would be to ditch her and move on to a less heart breaking life, but then your heart thugs at u and forbids u to do so..

To be honest, i dont see any point in giving you any advice since you already know what to do.. It all boils down to whether or not you'd be making the move. Theres no such thing as whether its a right or wrong move when it comes to love. But pls remember that whatever decision you're going to make, you gota live with the consequences. Im just glad that you have great frens to lean on..

Answer 4

You are right to question these behaviors from her. Number one it is not fair of her to say that she can speak with other guys but you cannot speak with her friend. Usually when a person does not want them to speak to their friend they are hiding something--they are afraid that you might find something out that they do not want you to find out. As far as she telling you she did not want you to go to a party because she needed time away from you that's kind of strange. First of all it is a free country if you wanted to go to the party you did not have to go with her. You could have gone. Second I am sure these are good friends of yours that are looking out for your best interests by calling you and reporting what she is doing. Perhaps though it would have been best to wait until you saw her to tell her what you knew. Also you might want to look at the fact that she knew you knew but did NOT stay away from the guy. That shows a lack of respect. Everyone deserves respect. I recommend speaking with her honestly about your relationship, try explaining how you feel and if she does not feel the same way--remember actions speak louder than words--then you are not a couple.

Answer 5

Hey, come on now. Why waste your time with something like that, she don't give a flying **** about you, seems all she cares about is partyin and attention from guys period.

Do you not know that you only deserve the best and then you say that you have been like involved with her for several months and she is still living like she's single OMG all your doing is holding on to something that isn't there come on now you deserve better than that.

Good luck.

Answer 6

She's playing with your head, let her go before you get hurt, if she had respect for you, she would never have done this. I know girls like that, not worth it, not trying to be mean, but they are really not worth a dime. you really need to find a girl that will respect you, not tell you you to stay home, so she can mess around behind your back. Good thing you have friends that watch out for you, give that friend a big thank you, and let the little tramp go.

Answer 7

..grant you the PRIVLEDGE?
..let you? dis-respect you? R U KIDDING?! Get a backbone, man! What is wrong with you...you might want her but she's using you. Dah! Think about having a little pride- if you don't think more of yourself than that ..how do you expect anyone else to?
Sorry to be so harsh but this sounds like a bad soap opera or a 12 yr. old.

Answer 8

OMG! either she dont give a fukc about you and she IS playin u.... or MAYBE.... she doesn't realize or KNOW that you two are a couple. dont bring up the drama with the other guy(s).... just tell her that you want her to be your ONE AND ONLY woman! make it very clear! cuz women dont like to fukc around with bullshiiiit hints! k?

after reading wut u said once more.... it truly sounds like YOU are the only thats sure that you two are actually in a relationship. so like i said.... tell her how u feel, i'm sure she will either agree with you.... and that will be that (and if u must.... explain how u dont want dudes all over her)
OR.... perhaps she had no idea that you two were/are exclusive.... and maybe she doesn't want that.... OR.... maybe now that she knows.... she will be dedicated to u and only u. :)

u get the idea... good luck ;)

Answer 9

In my opinion I would give her her walking papers. My ex was like that and I gave him his walking papers. She is afraid of commitment and she will cheat on you because in her mind the two of you aren't together. Walk away now because you are just a friends with benefits kind of thing. Almost like a boyfriend without all the strings.

Answer 10

She's not interested in you.. what you've described is definitely a relationship.. but I think that she thinks she can do better - that's why she doesn't want guys to think you guys are a couple.. I'd leave her alone and find someone who loves me back. Everyone deserves that honestly - someone who reciprocates the love.