If I change myself for another person...?

Question

My gf and I broke up because she said that I needed to be single. I quit my job of almost six years because I was miserable and I knew that it wasn't what I should be doing. I didn't quit because I am lazy or I was depending on her (we live seperately with roommates). She told me I need to be a little more responsible, figure out what I want to do with my life, and be a little more selfish because I always put everybody else before me. She hasn't been mean about any of this, she isn't seeing anybody else, and she tells me that she wants me to be okay but whatever happens with us will happen. She gave me a hug tonight (we broke up 4 weeks ago) and was hesitant until I hugged her and then she pulled me into her and just held me so tight. I'm really confused. If I do all of those things and improve myself, and I want to improve these things in my character, am I really doing it for me if I'm doing it because I want to be with her? She doesn't want to talk to me. Is there a chance for us?

I wasn't unemployed for very long, she was just bothered by the fact that I didn't have a plan. I was at this job for almost six years and I was a manager there. I left so that I could find a job that made me happy.

Answer 1

First dont change for anybody but yourself because if you are changing who you are for someone else you will never be married. Find a job you enjoy and love, put yourself first for once and see whats out there. Once you have yourself together than think of getting back together. You need to find what you want and be who you are. Don't let anybody change you.

Answer 2

It sounds as though she wants what is best for you. If she was upset because you didn't have a plan that is ok but really it could have been because you did not discuss it with her. It is important in long term relationships to discuss important things like that. She could be right that you do need to be single. At least for a while, and that could be why she is not speaking with you. There may be a chance later after you settle down into what makes you happy. It is important to be happy with yourself first before you can make someone else happy. I believe maybe that is what she meant by saying that you need to be more selfish. A tight hug could be a hug of reassurance of friendship and caring not sex.

Answer 3

Don't change for nobody, but you may want to consider being more selfish. You should do this only for yourself and the ones you love. Don't put anything that doesn't matter over things that do. A job should not have higher priority over your personal life.

Oh and if she doesn't want to talk to you, then let her go. You need to figure out what you want in life. If she leaves you rather than help you find your purpose then she isn't a very supporting person. Would you want someone that is not going to be supportive of you when you make mistakes?

Lots of things to think about.

Answer 4

Take her advice and be a little more selfish. Stop being concerned with her, romantically speaking, and take some time to focus on yourself and your personal goals. Sounds like you're doing a little or a lot of floundering right now. That's ok; now, while you're young is the time to do just that.....and to take some time to get on track and head towards something, career wise, that pays the bills and makes you glad to get up and go to work each day. In retrospect, I think this gf has done you a favor. Four weeks isn't that long a time, so your feelings might still be hurt, but give her her space and yourself the time it takes to put things in perspective, personally and professionally. Getting your head together makes you more appealing in all area of your life. The future isn't written in stone and success, especially personal, tastes very sweet. Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

that is not changing, what she said, she is just telling you you need to get your act together why would you quit a job without having another one to go to dont read to much into a hug as far a chance for you two only God knows that answer

Answer 6

That was the wrong reason to quit your job! You shouldn't have done that! You are responsible for your life, not the others!

Answer 7

As much as possible.. don't change (but change the negative attitude that you have) if your ex told you to be more responsible then think about it. maybe you really needed to be more responsible.. this would not only be good to her but for you too and that would really solve your problem.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I'm sorry, it sounds to me like she just wants to be friends. And YES guys girls can still be friends with you after you've broken up. Give her some space, do what you want to do/be because I don't think shes comming back to you. Sorry:(

Answer 10

be confident boy. dont worry.fate will keep both of you together.chill.you may not know what's in store for you tomorrow. she may get back to you and you'll be glad to be with her. cool aites?dont get too tensed up.im sure she's there for you.fate will be there for both of you.