can we be friends with an ex???

Question

I was with him for 8yrs we where engaged we hadn`t seen each other for 4yrs then out of the blue he phones me at work to say hi and that him and his wife are moving back to Blighty.
He really hurt me in the past but for some reason we have an incredibly strong bond and i can`t forget about him.

Answer 1

sometimes---------this may sound crazy-----but my Uncle had this massive party where his ex-wife------his current girlfriend and a couple ex-girlfriends were all there and everyone had a good time-------wild

Answer 2

Hi,
Sometimes you can be friends, usually if you parted on good terms.
You say that you have an incredibly strong bond, yet he hurt you and married some one else.

Think about it like this, real friends love and care for you and don't hurt you. This guy broke your heart, he didn't care about being friends then or whether you loved him. What makes you think you can be friends now?

But if you feel that you have overcome the hurt he caused you, and is definitely over him ( 4 years you should be over him) then I guess you could be friends........

Answer 3

I'm friends with an ex, we were together 4 years (so not quite the same).

Even though we wanted to stay in touch, 'cause we were such good friends, it wasn't really possible until we'd both moved on and that can take any amount of time/years.

Be honest with yourself. Have you REALLY moved on?

You might not REALLY know until you meet him either. Just be careful, don't get hurt (remind yourself that he has moved on and has a family now), and be aware that it might never be the best thing for you to be friends.

Answer 4

Hi, I was with the father of my children for 11 years and I hated his guts big time. When I left him I really didn't have much to say to him because he was such an *** but he did alot of growing up so now we are pretty cool, he always tells me that he wishes he wouldn't have messed up with me even with him having a woman in this life but I always just say to him in a joking but serious way oh well ya fucked up, sorry about your luck.

He hurt me big time in more ways than one but I'm past that now and I don't live in the past, so I say that hey when your X moves back if you two want to be friends there is nothing wrong with that what so ever.

Sad to say but alot of times even though I don't love my X anymore what so ever that I can call and talk to him about pretty much anything but it's not like I want to but sometimes it's cool.

Take care.

Answer 5

I think its okay to be friends with someone you have strong bond with. You need that in friendship and a relationship. But whatever happened in the past can affect your feelings for that person. Its best not to hold all of that in you. You should talk to him about it, and try to make things workout.You both are adults and everything, and should star brand new. keep all the negativity to the past. I know two people in neihborhood that had a stressful bad relationship. She once said she hates him, and he hates her , but inside they still have something very close. They still can connect with eachohther. Thats how it is sometimes.

Answer 6

To be honest I would not bother, you have not seen each other for 4 years. I would also wonder why he wanted to contact me. You said that you have an incredible strong bond could you trust your feelings if you started to see him again? What will his wife feel with you and him having contact again also what about your partner (if you have one). I would say leave sleeping dogs lie, life moves on.

Answer 7

I'm not sure if you have a partner,but remember he has a wife now so he is no longer one. If his wife and your partner are ok with it then i cant see no reason why you cant be friends with him and his wife,the reason i say his wife is because if u only choose to be friends with your ex that is going to cause friction between the two of them. You have to realise he is not the same person you once was engaged to. If you can ALL be friends i think that is great. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

It is difficult and I would advise you to be very cautious. I've been on both sides of the equation - my long-time girlfriend moved out, dumped me, and found someone else in rapid succession, but insisted - demanded, really, that I continue to be her mate. I just couldn't do it. It was as if she were saying 'I don't love you, don't want to be with you, I love someone else, but when I am in the mood for your company I expect you to be available'. So it didn't work out.
But recently an old flame tracked me down after many, many years, and we began an email corespondence. As she is married with kids, I assumed it was just a platonic friendship she wanted, but then she made it clear that in fact she was looking for much much more than that, and I am still not sure how to handle it! I can not bring myself to get inviolved with a married woman, yet I would like to preserve the friendship!

So you could find yourself in very murky water indeed! Be wary!

Answer 9

No. This is a recipe for disaster.
By asking this question, you know it will not just
stay as a friendship. Yes - you have a strong
bond. But if I was his wife I would be a bit wary
if my husband was in contact with someone
that he was once engaged to.
Are you willing to take the risk??

Answer 10

Well i think you can be friends but not best friends. You can call each other occassionally just to catch things up. If you are too close with you might feel hard to move on. I advise you too also get to know his wife and go out with both of them if you want.

Answer 11

I depends on why things ended with you. Was it a misunderstnading or certain circumstances that broke you up? That really isn't the point here because he is married.
Getting involved with someone that is married is wrong.
If he is happily married then he should not be contacting you.
I hate to say this to you, but many men are cowards who stay in their unhappy situations because they are dishonest with themselves. What I would do is tell him that you hope he leads a happy life but that he is unavailable to you. Good luck.