My female friend has been in a long distance relationship with a guy for a bit over a year....He can only come to see her rarely but they seem in love. Her complaint is that he has never given her any sort of gift. She insists its not the material aspect she is after .
He came recently after her not having seem him for quite a long stretch and she had some gifts prepared for him. She was quite wounded he came and left without giving her anything. He is well off by the way...
My first reaction was to tell her that he is the one coming to see her so he does incur travelling expenses, hotel and such...but she keeps insisting this has nothing to do with how expensive the gift is, just the thought....I really don't know what to tell her? What do you think?
2007-03-18 23:31:59 · 13 answers · asked by Wicked_One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes I agree that love shouldn't be materialistic but giving gifts to the one you love is also a way to show that you think of the person and you care for the person that you actually picked those gifts just for that person because s/he reminds you of that things, and what-so-ever. It isn't to materialistic to give someone a gift after a very long time of not seeing your someone. And it isn't being materialistic to expect something sometimes either. It's a subconscious feeling of happiness you get when you're given a gift especially if you love that person. I don't get it why he does that but I'm kind of pissed with the guy. I think your friend's a martyr, just trying to convince herself that it isn't all about the gift, and that she is hurting deep inside. I think the guy should be told!
2007-03-19 00:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not expect someone to bring gifts and then be disappointed if they don't. Who made the rule that he has to bring gifts? She obviously wants to give him gifts and that makes her happy. He obviously doesn't feel this same need and she should not let that affect the way she feels.
Perhaps:
She is a giver and he is not.
He may be tight and not buy much of anything.
How far does he come and how often? She may just be a convenience even though it appears that they are in "love". How old are these people?
2007-03-18 23:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by Keenu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, from my male point of view, I think the guy is a cheap bastard!! He is probably using her for things that he wants and gets from her and nothing else!! If he did really have these feelings for her then would buy her at least a single flower or other inexpensive gift. Not buying her a gift, to me, means that he has just been using her and has no real feelings of love for this lady. I suggest that even though it might hurt her that she let this guy go and perhaps find a man closer to home who will appreciate her more!
2007-03-18 23:38:43 · answer #3 · answered by dragondave187 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The gift of him coming to see her should be enough. She should be thankful she has anyone at all. She is after the material aspect and if she isn't she shouldn't get upset about it. If I was in a long distance relationship just having him give me a hug would be enough gift for me.
2007-03-18 23:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia E 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some people think material things prove love. Their wrong. The fact he's coming to see her from such a long way should prove he cares.
2007-03-18 23:36:41 · answer #5 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His coming should be enough for a normal visit. If he missed giving or sending a gift for her birthday or a holiday (like Christmas) or Valentine's day then I'd tell her he is not for her. You have to accept people as you find them because if you think you can change them to your way it usually does not work.
2007-03-18 23:45:44 · answer #6 · answered by Aliz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice you can give your friend is to ask her to offer unconditional love.Let her not expect anything in return from him,if she truely loves him and that makes her so-called love complete.Tell her to be thankful to her boyfriend for he has made efforts to come and meet her which is the ultimate gift.
Also tell her that she is fortunate while there are many other girls whose long distance bfs didnt even care to meet them for several years.
2007-03-18 23:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sheeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he hasn't even thought of this. If he has money, been raised with money, I doubt he is a giver. (as such) If she is a giver, continue, maybe he will get the hint--that it is nice to give to others and nice to receive. Don't go overboard, though. Just my opinion.
2007-03-19 00:02:21 · answer #8 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an inconsiderate, cheapskate, numbskull, selfish fool and idiot sorry to say..if he can spend money on all the other stuff in his life including the trip to and back he deserves a Dear John letter or email or text from her immediately...like "IT"S OVER"
she might be the bigger fool in the end if she hangs on to this DOLT!
she prob wont listen to you, but NEXT!
She is wasting soooo much time.... for what? to see if she gets a "thing"? meaning a present or gift
Oh man ...women!
2007-03-18 23:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Gary G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a no brainer. He likes her as a LONG DISTANCE friend, and wants to keep it that way. She should be happy that he is not leading her on.
2007-03-18 23:37:09 · answer #10 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋