What happens if the reason that he fell out of love with you because you weren't yourself or the person he did fall in love with in the first place. I wasn't myself for the last year (we were living together this year) of a 3 year relationship because of me being scared of losing him. I did extreme measures to make him happy, like being available to him all the time, letting him do what he wants avoiding any serious conflict (basicly losing my independence and identity). The reason why i did this was because he had committment issues in the past with me which made me think that if did everything to make him happy i won't lose him, but then he dumps me teliing me that he wasn't happy in the last couple of months and doesn't feel the same way by doesn't know why. I still love him and I regret in what I have done (in my case in losing myself first and then second, losing him)
2007-03-18 22:47:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
it's been 3 months ever since we broke up, i have not made any contact with him, I have boosted my self esteem and independence, i travelled arond europe I moved in with my best girlfriend, started a new job, and i started dating, i feel happy about myself, but i still love him, these feelings haven't changed
2007-03-18 22:59:40 · update #1
First of all, and I have this same problem, we should never lose ourselves for someone else. If we can't be ourselves in a relationship, how is the other person going to respect who we are when they will never truly know who we are. Sometimes I believe we lose ourselves in a relationship because we are afraid the other person may regect the person we are. How do you not know he wouldn't have fallen in love with the person that you know you really are. Did you ever give him a fair chance to see who you are? We can't continue a lie or facade forever. The conflict in keeping a lie alive will shine through, and the other person will begin to recognize something not right. First off, you probably need to spend some time discovering yourself who you truly are, and then embracing and loving the person you are. Once you truly love yourself, then are you ready to begin a relationship. I'm a believer that we can't love anyone anymore than we love ourselves. And if we don't love ourselves, we won't really be great companions to others. Once we begin honoring and loving who we are, we will find amazing people attracted to our being. Don't settle for less, we deserve the best life has to offer.
2007-03-18 23:07:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you hadnt been clingy( and you said that you didnt complain or anything and let him do what he wanted because it was driving him away) it wouldnt have mattered.Why?Well you said being clingy was driving him away yet not being yourself(clingy ) drove him away.Committment issues?When a guy says"well I luv u and i want to be wit u but im not ready for marriage YET....but one day.....Im scairt...."Thats his way of saying "I m afraid I might find something nicer and I dont want to be tied to you, will you be my live in whore until I find something nicer?Maybe my feelings will change and we can play pretend marriage while you are auditioning for the part of possible wife".During that time most gals have a baby or 2 or 3 or more .Learn from this.If a guy wants you to shack, he wont marry you unles he is coerced into it and then he will resent you and eventually divorce you.Tell the next guy, no sex, no shacking until AFTER the "I do's "are said and I have been pronounced somebody's wife.Youll see real quick what he is after.Get a job and support yourself.If you need help move back in with your parents and tell them you made a mistake until you can get back on your feet.Shacking and sex is NOT a garauntee he loves you and wants to be committed to you.Your fault?Yes, for not making him wait until he married you FIRST.Which you would have lost him if you had done that too, no matter what you would have done differently, he had NO intentions of staying with and committing to you.Any guy who has committment issues, learn about those first, especially before offering him sex as a way of cementing the relationship, because sex will NOT cement a relationship.
2007-03-18 23:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be glad not to have him in your life, and it seems like you were not happy either. If he won't let you be yourself, that's not healthy, he should love you for who you are!!! Be true to yourself. You need to find someone who loves you, no matter what. It sounds like that he didn't want to be in a relationship if he had committment issues. Let him go he wasnt good for you. Someone better is coming along.
2007-03-18 22:57:19 · answer #3 · answered by chez006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find yourself again and when you do, take care of yourself and love yourself! Become an independent confident woman and soon you'll realize that you'll be better off without him!!! As soon as you've become this awesome woman, you'll find that being with someone is secondary!!But don't worry, someone will come into your life soon, when you are least expecting it, someone that will adore you for just being yourself.Good Luck!
2007-03-18 22:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all it is not all your fault he should have said something about you acting different or not like yourself second I hate to say it but that is why we date so much before we marry or should marry to learn from our mistakes it is a mistake on yours and his parts you have to get on with your life and learn from what you did.
cherish your mistakes they are the only things you can truly call your own.
P.S. talk to your mother or some other older person (sister aunt or so) I bet they made the same mistake you did or something similar
2007-03-18 22:57:26 · answer #5 · answered by Bear_Polaroid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship seems like it ended with good reason and i dont think it was your fault it just wasnt meant to be.
2007-03-18 22:52:55 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberly S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was already living with you because he liked you for who you were, why would you change?
2007-03-18 22:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you made a big mistake. Live and learn.
2007-03-18 22:51:59 · answer #8 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well then you learned your lesson,
don't worry there are more guys in the world,,!
but next time be yourself and don't suffucate your partner..!
2007-03-18 22:52:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him go someone better will be coming along.
2007-03-18 23:00:34 · answer #10 · answered by jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋