yesterday was mothers day ..hope t was good for all ya mums out there but..... my other half (who is an idoit) got me a grandma's card for me from my son ... but that wasnt the fact .. i was dissapointed that he didnt put harrisons name my son who died in november on the card ... harrison was only a baby and i feel let down and that my hubby has forgotten harrison
he asked me why i cried when i got the card but i couldnt tell him ... am i selfish?
2007-03-18 22:36:04 · 26 answers · asked by honey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, you are still mourning his death, and still trying to get over it, but you have to remember your husband probably didn't want to upset you, if he had written his name, you would still have cried, because it was Mother's DAy and your son is not with you, grief takes along time to get over and you are still feeling vey raw, I lost a loved one 18 months ago and still get very upset over it, as for him buying a grandmothers card, well that is just typical of a bloke, he probably just picked up the first one he saw without reading it, tell all your family what he did in front of him, maybe next year he will be more attentive, in his own way he is still hurting too, you should try to talk together and lastly, the thought was there, lots of hugs to you, from Haggisbasher. x :-)
2007-03-18 22:44:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard? "It's the thought that counts?" How do you know that you HUSBAND, didn't want to upset you by not writing your dead son's name? Or that he's not too hurt himself to even remember him like that? It's not his place to talk for a dead person, not even your son. And the only thing that I find inconsiderate on your part is when you call your "husband" an idiot. You've gone through much together and a mistake is a mistake (about the grand-mother card). It just means that even though his heart wasn't into the celebration mode of things, he still tried to do what he thought would please you. I never expected cards for anything special but my loved ones know that I'll appreciate any thing they do to say they think of me any day of the year. It's the little things that matter. And when our hearts and eyes begin to appreciate those, a yearly card over man-made events don't matter that much. He's there for you. That's what matters. Isn't it mother's day every day of a mother's life??? I don't need a card to tell me I'm a good mom. Just a look, a phone call, a comment and a thousand other little things are enough any day of the year.
2007-03-19 05:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by Teri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he got you the wrong card for a start so how can you think that he'd put your deceased son's name in it. He may have even thought about doing so, but thought that maybe that would upset you.
Perhaps you are more upset that your other son is not with you anymore than the fact that your husband didn't write his name in the card. Mother's Day is a stark reminder of dearly departed ones (for example, it was hard on the first Mother's Day after both my grandmothers died - hard for me and hard for my parents).
I don't think you are being selfish. Maybe you could have just told your husband that you were crying because Mother's Day reminded you of Harrison.
I seriously doubt your husband intended to upset you and I am sure he has not forgotten your son. He probably misses him just as much as you do.
Don't be hard on him or yourself. Losing a child is bound to bring a sad range of emotions for a long time to come.
I am also sorry for your loss. Losing a child is one of the hardest things in the world. You have my condolences.
2007-03-19 06:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by lollysarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to miss your son. I'm sure your husband has not forgotten him but I also know that men tend to deal with these kinds of things differently. Just tell him why and he will understand. I think not telling him is inconsiderate. The fact that he even thought to get a card is great. My husband never gets me anything. He probably didn't want to bring up a bad memory (I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child) and tried to make it a happy day for you.
2007-03-19 05:41:57 · answer #4 · answered by CaTcHmEiFuCaN 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You dont sound selfish at all. You just show a mothers love for your children whether they are here or somehwere else. Your hubby prob just didnt want to upset you and maybe he got you the grandma card to try an lighten your mood?!try not to think about it to much Im sure your hubby was devestated that he made you upset on your special day!
2007-03-19 05:41:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well there could be a number of explanations.
He might have thought that putting your sons name on it would upset you and so he didn't to spare your feelings.
It might not have even ocurred to him to put the name on it.
He might have thought about it but it could have been painful and upsetting for him too so he left it out.
Unless you talk to him about it your never going to know. You shouldn't just leave it and not say anything because he's going to know there's something wrong but wont know what it is.
As for the grandma card...
I've accidently chosen the wrong cards for people and not realised until I got them home. Maybe that one was an honest mistake.
2007-03-19 05:46:46 · answer #6 · answered by Rainbow-Taster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No honey, you are a mother in mourning. Men do the mourning thing differently. They think if they don't mention it, you won't get upset. He was in a no-win situation here I guess. If he'd put your son's name on the card, you'd probably have cried too. He took what he felt was a safe route, and he got it wrong anyway. He hasn't forgotten; he never will; he's just coping with it differently.
2007-03-19 05:44:17 · answer #7 · answered by marie m 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, not at all. Your feelings are understandable. Your husband probably didn't put his name on the card because he was afraid it would upset you. Then the opposite happened. Tell him why you cried. He won't understand until you talk to him and explain your feelings. You owe that to yourself and to your husband. Happy Mothers Day late.
2007-03-19 07:18:53 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you weren`t being selfish. At the the end of the day Harrison was your kid and still is as he will always be a part of you
2007-03-19 05:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by Only Me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, but he might of thought putting your passed away son's name on the card might upset you. So maybe that was a safer thing to do then to put his name on there. You really should tell him why you got upset. He is there to comfort and consle you. He cannot do so if you do not give him the chance.
2007-03-19 05:41:25 · answer #10 · answered by Konjo Nashi Pirate™ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋