Help! 30yr old son at home; doesn't work; doesn't clean; does nothing; How do I get him out of house?

Question

30 year old son did not graduate and unable to get a job. Anti-social behaviors. Talks to himself. Has no friends. Will not see a doctor. Thinks he is normal. Dad pays for everything such as food, cigarettes, gas, insurance, phone, etc. because he does not want to "kick him to the street." Even sold his house to get him out on his own, but he bought another house and then paid one year for son to have own apartment. Son agreed to get a job, but nobody will hire him. Dad is frustrated and does not enjoy living with Son in the home. Does not know where to turn for advice. Ex-wife had him once, but she had him leave, so Dad took him in again. Any suggestions how to treat this problem? Oh, Son does everything in excess. Smokes too much, drinks too much (when he gets alcohol), plays video games and watches cartoons too much, etc. I am friends with the Dad for ten years and this Son is destroying our relationship. Any advice (serious, please) would be appreciated. Thank you

Answer 1

The requirements for living in dads home is ___ hours spent on looking for a job with proof or going back to school which son pays for since dads money was already spent on an apartment. He can pull a school loan or get a grant if they are available.

After a job is obtained the requirements of a savings account to save up for his own apartment should also be part of the living agreement.

"video games" - can quickly become unplugged and boxed up.

No drinking or smoking in dad's home - coming home drunk = to intoxicated in dads home.

Life is full of chores....his life should include the same.

This young man is immature and needs mature guidance. Until he sees his father grow up (which is needed for him to grow up) he won't grow up. This does not mean dad needs to become barbaric. You and dad should also find something to do with his son out in society that gets him into social settings...volunteering, etc. This will model to him that people do not live in a box.

I'd say kicking him out would be solution however, he's 30 and will quickly become someone elses problem, not to mention going thru the motions of seeing his father make mature decisions could help. Seeing a doctor will result in teaching him pills are the answer to life and he will be encouraged to wallow in excuses for his own behavior and blame his life on everyone else...that's what they sell there. He needs to see his father focus on him becoming a man so knows what focusing on becoming a man is. At least you care.

Answer 2

that is terrible. I feel for the father but he is an enabler, by that i mean he is giving his son the means to not make the effort and not get a job etc. While ever the father keeps paying for him to stay at home of course he is going to do nothing about it. The son needs to see a doctor it sounds like he is schizophrenic or something, that can be reasonably controlled with the right medication. He has looked after his son for long enough it is his son turn to give back and get on his own 2 feet and stop being so selfish. The dad has to stay strong, and follow through with his actions. The son has to learn that his actions are going to have consequences. good luck

Answer 3

This is a bad situation and the father is giving the son all the necessary tools to prolong this miserable existence. The son is 30 and needs to live a life independent of his father. He needs to make Friends and enjoy interests that are all his own. Speak to the father alone and try to gain his support in kicking his son out nicely and nicely may not be an option. The father needs to stop paying his way. He is doing his son no favors by allowing him to hide from the world. Offer to pay the deposit on an apartment and the utilities but nothing else. Paying anything else will cause a domino effect of dependency.

Answer 4

Until Dad is willing to put the son out and let him do for himself you won't be able to "do" anything. If he has a mental illness, he can be sent to a half-way house. Otherwise, as long as Dad will feed/clothe him, I'm afraid he's a permanent fixture. Why should he do anything when everyone does for him when he needs it? You guys have a real problem. That's what happens when you enable a child to be totally dependent on a parent. Get some counseling for all of you. godloveya.

Answer 5

Hello, well for starters I would be sitting down with the husband and letting him know this is getting out of hand and that your son needs more responsibility with buying things for himself and chores around the house as well. Ever heard the term (YOUR MOTHER DON'T WORK HERE CLEAN YOUR OWN MESS) I mean he is 30 years old, sounds pretty spoiled to me. you and your husband need to talk to your son about responsibility period like if my son was 30 and living at home that would be cool but I'll be dammed if I'm buying all the things he wants and needs and if he thinks he's leaving any kinda mess, he's out of it and don't think that he won't be getting up in the morning and taking his *** to work.

I mean if you want to sit there and just let him keep taking advantage of you then I mean that's completely up to you but just think about it, like what is he going to do when the both of you are gone he needs to get a grip and provide for himself.

Well good luck.

Answer 6

i am in no way judgeing anyone but in my thoughts i have to say ;as long as he has someone paying for it he has no problems,only everyone other than him whom is supporting all his habits,i understand basic food sheltter,and basic needs but you or the provider need to set him down and give him limits,it sounds like he uses all the things in excess to keep from having to be social ,like he can act however he wants to and he still gets everything and if he chooses to be anti social every one ealse has to just deal with it,and even if it is a medical problem,he still has choices,but his choices right now are what he wants to watch or do or how long he does it,he is caring about himself what prepares him for when adults who pay for everything pass away?he needs to be put on limits and it sounds like when he is then he moves on well he needs to understand he has to face life and do it now,because no one has seen problems untill a dad or mom passes and then he really goes down hill,fast foods places hire all kinds of people and he could at the least make some money to cover some items and if he is 30 and don't want to work there ,then he understands pride and that should be proof to the provider that he needs to learn to take pride in someone ealses money and home,i would cut him down to basics untill he showed some kind of help to the house hold or saving money even my 12 year old has a chore list and my 8 yr old.as far as the docter visits go if he wants to have problems then he should be getting state support check for this so he can provide for his future when people older than him can't anymore.or if i was the provider i would pay him only as a housekeeper he has to learn the value of his own dollar and work ethic nomatter what is wrong with him.

Answer 7

There is only one solution - STOP PAYING FOR EVERYTHING HE WANTS! NO more smokes, drink ... nothing. He is an adult - he has to start acting like one, he will stay there for as long as YOU are paying. Give him 1 weeks notice that you are not paying for anything anymore, he will have to go out and find a shared accommodation and apply for a pension or unemployment. 'Mum and Dad' Stick together on this !!! Good Luck !

Answer 8

tell him to leave tomorrow... warn him if hes not out you will be throwing all his possessions out to the curb for the garbage man and change the locks... if he continue to ring bell or knock on the door... call police and him escorted off premisses for trespassing... some need to learn the hard way. he will keep mooching of of you as long as you let him. YOU need to put a stop to him now... he is fully capable of taking care of himself. If you were to become ill and pass away tomorrow what would he do then???? hed have no choice right/ do what ya gotta do.....

Answer 9

Kick him out & change the locks. The father should stop babying the slack sod. Why isn't Centrelink breathing down his neck. Just because he didn't graduate doesn't mean he can't apply himself. He is just bone lazy & daddy is paying for him. Who's the idiot?

Answer 10

This SERIOUS and to the POINT. THROW the BUM OUT, and tell him he is on his own. It is that simple and STOP ENABLING and making EXCUSES for him IF you are doing it. Sounds like daddy is the one though, BUT you have a say so in the home also. USE IT.