How do I ??

Question

My daughter is a month old and she always wants me. I am a stay at home mom and my hubby works. He gets home about 6:00 pm and goes to bed at 10:00pm during the week at night I get up with her so he can sleep. When he comes home he'll hold her but if she hears my voice she'll cry and It makes him feel bad. He says I spoil her. I dont hold her all day. she sleeps most of it. How do I get him more involved so he wont be missing these little things? and how do i get her to adapt to her daddy more?

Answer 1

awww...beautiful picture.

First, you cannot spoil an infant:
you can't love a baby too much.

Sadly, this is sometimes difficult for one partner to explain to another.

So i would recommend the book "What to expect in the first years".

It's a monthly guide of things to look for in "baby" - and your hubby can easily read the monthly passages each month and look for the changes he finds in the book on "baby".

It's a way to get him involved...

When my kids were born, I was a soldier...I can't remember a single moment where i didn't have one in my arms after work.

And although my days began with the alarm at 430 in the morning...i had the night time feedings, until 11.
AND i took care of the 430 feeding so my wife could sleep a little more.

Our second experience was actually twins.
The photo album from that year is stuffed with pictures of me asleep in my army uniform covered in babys or curled up around babys.

daddy has to be involved...
contact is important...and so is knowing the difference between a fussy cry and a my diaper is wet cry.
between i want to lay on something warm cry and i don't like to be tickled and tossed in the air right now cry.
he'll only get to know these if he spends time holding and talking to the little angel.

I wish you much strength and the treasure of many smiles.
be patient...it all goes by quickly...love every second.

Answer 2

The situation you describe is very normal. Your baby is only a month old, take your time! She still sleeps a lot and the times she is awake, mostly you are there, because you look after her and feed her.
It's very hard to spoil a baby. Let your feelings guide you. Hug her, kiss her and love her as much as you want, but don't forget the rules of sleeping and feeding time.
Some crying before she falls asleep is normal, but don't let her cry for hours.
Cleanness, rest and regularity are the main words. And when your little sweetie is awake when her daddy is home, he can look at her, look into her eyes, smile at her, so she gets used to his face also. As the months go by your little darling will recognize both you and her daddy. Don't worry, it will all be fine. Enjoy this wonderful time, it will soon pass by.

Answer 3

I would think he needs to spend some time caring for her when he's home and awake. Right now your DD is used to you taking care of her and she associates the sound of your voice with comfort and caring. Your DH needs to help provide those things when he's home.

He needs to hold her when she cries for you he needs to learn to comfort her. If he just hands her back or you take her away she'll never know that Dad can provide comfort.

If you're not breastfeeding then he needs to provide the occasional bottle. If you are BFing then he needs to do the burping right after wards or sometime hold you both and talk to her while you feed her.

They need to play together. At a month old he should be holding her and talking to her. Moving her hands in imitation of patty cake or peek a boo. She won't know what he's doing yet but the attention is what's important.

He even needs to change the occasional diaper. And clean up the occasional mess. Your DD needs to know that dad can be involved in her life and she'll learn that by growing up seeing him there and doing.

Oh, and none of this caring coming for either you or your DH will spoil a baby. She'll grow up secure and comfortable and able to to do anything in life.

Answer 4

You cannot spoil a one month old baby. They need to be held as much as possible. The older they get and the more independent they become they will not want you to hold them. I yearn to cuddle with my 14 month old son, but he is far to busy for momma. He tolerates about 3o seconds of cuddle and then is pushing away to go do something. As for dad, just try to keep him in the loop. Let him know what she is doing during the day. The older she gets the stories will be more interesting as she is mostly sleeping right now. Let him do her evening feeds until he goes to bed. Let him change her or bathe her. New fathers tend to feel left out especially when they are the ones working and not involved a lot.

Answer 5

Raising a child is a two parent job for sure, BUT he is the Bread Winner and he needs the rest. There is always weekends for him to help. He is right by the way, STOP spoiling the child and let him/her cry it out. Put the child in the bedroom and and let it cry and it will stop after a while. It may be noisey, but eventually the matter will resolve itself.

Answer 6

your her main caregiver, and i think babies/kids are naturally closer to their mothers....it seems when the babies grow up and actually become more active, thats when dads begin to get more involved with playing...etc....