18 and mom still won't let up???

Question

Ok, I'm 18 and my mom still treats me like I'm a kid. I live with her because I'm going to be starting school and working part-time. I have a job right now. I'm mature enough to work adn go to school but she treats me like a child. Curfew is 10 on weekdays and 11 on weekends, phone number and address to whereever I spend the night, calling me 50 times in a night if I'm gone all night, play by play on what I'm doing everyday! She is driving me crazy!!! But, I listen to it out of respect for her. Why is she still acting like I'm a child when I'm 18 years old???

some more details... My mom doesn't just put restictions on me...I understand that no problem. She seriously trys to control everything I do..I go with it out of respect for her. I'm not your average 18 yr. old though. I'm extremely mature for my age and always have been. I would understand it a lot more if I always got into trouble...But I don't and never really have. I don't drink or do drugs. She works adn goes out on weekends and stuff like that...But she'll actually call me from where ever she is in order to make sure I'm home... Why is she poushing too hard? She never acted like this with my brother or my sister. I don't know how to talk to her about it either.

Answer 1

You're still her child, regardless of age, and I believe that she's being responsible, from what you described.

I believe that she love you. What, do you think she's merely on a power and control trip? I don't think so. You should be thankful to have her.

I sense that you know it, because you say that you have respect for her. The opposite would be having no one who cares about you. Count your blessings. It's hard to realize when you're a young adult.

If you feel she's too extreme, have a talk with her, though.

Answer 2

If you are her last child living at home, she may have the "empty nest" syndrome. She may fear you leaving and therefore she is more controlling. You mentioned if you are out for the evening she will call you 50 times. I don't know if you are exaggerating or are being literal. Sounds like you need to catch her in a good mood and then bring up your concerns. Point out where she may go overboard and see if you can come to a compromise. You sound like a responsible person. I appreciate your efforts to be respectful to her. You can confront her and still be respectful. If your Mom cannot compromise you can set limits on her behavior by not responding to all of her phone calls. Help her to understand that you desire a close relationship with her, but her controlling is pushing you away. I wish you well

Answer 3

If you're the youngest, like you suggested, it's because she doesn't want you to grow up yet. When she accepts that you're grown, she has to accept that you can make your own decisions. That can make her feel unneeded and lonely, so she's trying to keep you the way were, instead of how you are. But, it could just come down to "My house, my rules", and if so, that's that. You can move out, but chances are she'll still call a million times and ask a billion questions. Include her with the things you do, talk to her more about what's going on, and she might loosen the reigns a little when she sees how responsible you are.

Answer 4

I can fully empathise with your situation. I am nearly 30, married with 2 children and I still need to get the okay from my mom when I want to do something. It's definately not that I am tied to her apron strings I rather just go with it to avoid the inevitable fight. I think our mom's are like this for fear of loosing their last child that is still in the nest. I live close to my mother whereas my siblings either live in other parts of the country or abroad and I am the only one that is close by - hence the fear. Although I must add that I eventually told my mother what she was doing and how I felt and she has taken a back step. So talk to your mother rationally and calmly and try and make her understand that she is driving you crazy.

Answer 5

She does seem to be going overboard on calling you 50 times and the curfew is a bit ridiculous. However when you live with anyone it is only common courtesy to let them know where you are and when youll be home. Even adults can run into trouble and its always nice to let people you live with know your ok.

Shes been your caretaker for 18 years and it is hard to just suddenly stop. Maybe you can come to some kind of agreement on how to make her feel she is still needed but let you have some freedom also. Tell her she has to let you have more freedom but your willing to do it in steps.

Answer 6

Well, at least she lets you go out! At 18, you're still young enough, but yes, you are legally an adult and your mother should give you more freedom. Talk to her like an adult. Don't whine "OMG MOM I'M AN ADULT" Tell her that you appreciate that she worries about you, but you're getting to the age that you need a little more freedom and you want to re-establish the boundaries. Do call her if you're going to be late! Or, you could (if you're parents will pay) just do what I did at 18 and go to a college a few hours away so that I didn't have to live at home!

Answer 7

Because you are her baby and in this world she knows what can happen even though you don't think ahead like us moms do....she is being a mom
and i think that the curfew is really all not that bad.
you listen to your mom and later on in life you will thank her believe me I wish i had a mom like that!
you rather be safe than sorry to know that there are so many guys and girls that can mess your life up and you'll be blind to the fact until you are deep in the muddy water sweetie....stay real close and very communitive with mom and ask her advice if you have 2nd thoughts about something because she has lived your life +more....i am only 27 but have 5 children, married to my wonderful Husband and i DO want to be a part of their lives so that is why 1st i give them their responsabilties and choices but always behind them IF they shall ever fall and that is only what your mom doesn't want....she wants to prevent you from falling and if you feel you need to take that step and make choices without mom and feel what a fall feels like then by all means let mom know hey let me see for myself the consiquinces in life and then i will see what is good for ME!
But Don't go out there doing something crazy and then suffer something you can not fix as far as getting pregnant! 18 yrs raising a baby when you haven't even begun to start a life of your own...best advice is to listen and learn as you walk on egg shells at home to see what this world is like before you enter it blind!
i wish you the best in life and success..~Melodi

Answer 8

How I wish I could be in your shoes! LOL
Do you know that this is her way to show you that she cares?
She needs to be re-assured that you are safe, that you know how to protect yourself, that no one will take advantage of her little girl and so on. Just because you're 18 and the law says that you can do all sorts of stuff on your own, it doesn't mean you are no longer your mother's precious little girl. With a different outlook on why she does this, your whole demeanor and the whole essence of who you are, would do so much to reassure her that you're doing just fine. Thank God for her love. When you're even older, you'll see that she really wanted the best for her flesh and blood, which is you, her darling daughter. Think about it, if she had no natural affection for you, why would she even bother??? That's a good mom you have there. One day you'll actually miss that.

Answer 9

If you are the baby...that's your answer. Mom is facing an empty nest. Try sitting down with her and talking respectfully about your problems. Let her know that you love her and will always be her baby but that it's time for you to grow up and you need her to let you. If she still can't let go, then maybe it's time to move out and live on campus.

Answer 10

Hey, Mom will always be Mom, and you will always be her baby :o) I'm 30+ and my Mom still yells at me for going outside without my coat. Sometimes it's cute (like the coat thing) and sometimes it's aggravating. When you're older and away from home you'll appreciate it a little more ... not many people out there are going to care about you enough to nag at you about things like that.