Is it normal for my 24 month old to have a mean streak?

Question

My daughter just turned 2. I am a stay at home mom, and she is typically really loving and happy-go-lucky. When she gets around other people like her cousins, or my parents, she does things like pull hair or hit. She just does it out of the blue, and like she is playing. She doesnt have a mean look or anything when she does it. She also tells me "no" more when there are other people around. Is this normal for her age? I know they start becoming more independent and testing their boundaries around this age, right? I'm not sure how to discipline her. Should I ignore it, and not give the negative behavior my attention? Should I swat her? I'm not sure if I want to punish hitting with more hitting, it seems contradictory. My dad said that she pulled his hair once, and he pulled hers back and she hasnt done it since, so maybe it would work???Should I try time-outs? I just dont get it. When we are at home, she is so laid back, but things change around other people. Any advice?

Answer 1

You cannot ignore it. Nor can you swat your child. I am a believer in good old fashioned spanking upon rare occasion but that is about it for the physical. There are usually more effective ways to deal with things. But for now your baby is 2. Time to nip this in the bud, so to speak.

Babies and little ones usually do the darndest things in public or visiting. It is like they are content at home and you are all there for them. Unless of course you are on the phone at which point they usually "REALLy REALLLY NEED you mommy RIGHT NOW MOMMY please!

Time out works. But you must be diligent and be fair. I found that time out worked best with an egg timer. This way if I said, "four minutes time out" and set the clock, she knew it was only 4 minutes. The egg timer, btw, is an excellent idea. Just keep it out of reach in case they are throwers.

When my kids were older, I let them decide their punishment for crimes. It never failed, they were harder on themselves than I had planned but I never told them that. That was a strategy they had learned in school and it worked well.

But younger, time out. Now is the time for you to also know that Mom is firm and not played and squeezed around. You say something, you stick to it. Then when it is done, a hug and a kiss and if appropriate a little talk about what just happened. Ask her what she learned. Sometimes it is not necessary.

Good luck! You have a spirited little girl. Kids do pull hair and ears and noses and anything they can. It us up to the "victims" to teach them limits of what is acceptable. LOLWhat yoru dad did to the hair pulling is what I used to do. I did it to my sheepdog when she played and nipped too hard. She would be,.. WHOA People aren't supposed to bite!

Works with kids too.

Remember that she still does not have the words to express herself. Sometimes that helps. Also if she hurts someone, work on her compassion or empathy. Sometimes it takes awhile but this is very helpful. ("I know you think that slug is ugly and you want to stomp on it, honey, but do you know how ugly it thinks YOU are?" said with a poke and a laugh).

Even though she is young, find times to teach her compassion just as part of conversation or play... not just when there is a situation where emotions run high. It is quite a challenge to raise confident young ladies today who have their heads screwed on straight. Good luck!

Answer 2

She is testing her boundaries with what she can get away with in front of others. It could be she senses you acting different in front of others than you do at home and she is just seeing what she can get away with. Sounds like normal 2 year old behavior to me. Don't be afraid to discipline her in public. Pick her up and remove her from the audience and put her in time out. That way she understands behavior like that will not be tolerated even with others around.

You are right about swatting to correct hitting. Don't teach your daughter hypocracy at such an early age... It's a natural consequence if another child hits her back or pulls her hair, but you are a "big" grown-up in her eyes and the size difference brings a sense of fear; not learning what is right and wrong.

Answer 3

No, it is totally not normal, and you and your husband better fix this pronto! She IS testing your boundaries, and you had better make those guidelines pretty strict and pretty clear so she gets the message really quickly. What's most important is consistency - both that you correct the behaviour every time, and also that you and your husband are on the same page. It's hard work at first, and you won't like how she reacts (it gets worse before it gets better), but you must do it. You must do time-outs, have a "naughty" chair, and use it religiously. If you can somehow do a search on Supernanny's techniques, she has some FABULOUS ones! Good luck, and get at it!
Remember that discipline is important, but positive reinforcement is WAY better than negative. Discipline does not equal "punishment" - there is a HUGE difference. The old expression - you can get more flies with honey - is totally true. Use charts and stickers, for example, to reward good behaviour. Just some ideas....

Answer 4

She probably isn't used to being around kids her age and sharing with them or properly socializing with them. It's normal to some degree because you are a stay at home mom but you do need to step in and take care of it. Basically, when she does those things you step in and say "That's not okay" and put her in a chair for "thinking time" it's best not to call it time-out because it doesn't really explain why they are there. They aren't there because they are a bad kid but because the need to think about what they did and regain composure. You can't ignore it because she will start thinking it's ok to bully and you don't want that. You should also ask her to use her words instead of hurting other kids, she has the right to say no to another kid if her boundaries are being ignored. Let's say her cousin is trying to play with a toy she is playing with, she should know that she can tell that cousin no and they can also tell her no when the tables are turned. I think we forget this as we get older or because we were taught that we have to share...but we all have boundaries even as children and it's important to have them. You can enforce that by saying "Sally, use your words if you are playing with that toy tell Johnny no but we don't hit our friends" or something like that.

It's rough, I kept my son home with me until he was about 2 1/2 and he didn't understand how to interact with other kids and what was acceptable. When he pulled my hair, I would ask him to stop and tug on his but kids don't know to do that and your little one comes off as mean.

Answer 5

Children always show off and act up when they have an audience, have you heard the phrase terrible 2's? My little boy used to do those kind of things. My method or whatever you want to call it, is I look him in the eye and in a stern voice I tell him thats mean, you don'thit people, if that didn't work I have done the "give them a taste of their own medicine" method. My son came up behind me and bit me once, so I turned around and bit him back, not hard but enough to leave an impression and he never did it again. And of course there is always the "Do you wanna go to bed threat, that worked for awhile. There really is no one way to handle it you just got to try things until you find something that works.

Answer 6

Hitting her isn't going to solve anything...that is only going to make her think that, that type of behavior is acceptable and she is going to get worse. Ignoring the negative behavior is best because that is WHY she does it to begin with...to get your reaction. It's sort of a "test", to find out just which of your buttons she can push and how she can get to you and how she can get control of the situation. While toddlers don't think like adults there is nothing "stupid" or "dumb" about them. In fact quite often I've seen toddlers outsmart adults on every level. Simply let her know that pulling hair and hitting are not appropriate behavior and when she acts like that she will be placed into her bedroom and won't be able to come out when company is there. The FOLLOW up. Don't just talk the talk, walk the walk. When she starts misbehaving put her in her room.

Answer 7

While it is good to ignore behavior you want to go away, you cannot ignore her when she hurts others. You say, 'we don't hit." or "hair pulling hurts." and remove her. Tell her, I know you want to have fun, and I will hold you so you calm down and remember not to do that. if you do that consistently, sweetly, and for just a few seconds each time, she should get a clue pretty fast. because she wants to be playing, she will try to figure out how to keep playing without being removed from the fun.

don't ever ever ever hit her. how on earth will that teach her not to hit? it also lowers the iq, causes resentment, teaches violence as a problem solver, and teaches kids to hide their behavior, rather than to act right. you should teach, not punish, as research on punishment shows that punishment must be swift, severe, and happen every single time to work. really, you don't want to be that kind of parent. because you won't have a relationship with her and she will be a cowering wreck instead of a well formed, self-disciplined person.

Babies aren't born knowing how to act - we have to teach them, make our expectations and values clear. And we can do this kindly, patiently, and lovingly. Because we want to communicate to our kids our strong belief that they want to and can be good.

Answer 8

it can be normal for some children. Some kids like to kinda bully even at this age. My friends son actually did this with my daughter when she was 1 and he was 2 and for me it was nerve racking but he grew out of it. I think he just wanted to comtrol her cause she was younger. Now with that little boy that did that to my daughter his mom did swat him if it was something bad. Its hard to get a straight answer out of them at this age and hard to tell if they understand what you tell them completely so its a tough situation. Now if it was me I would try time outs first but be consistant. Good luck

Answer 9

This is why they have the phrase terrible twos. This is completely normal. She is so used to having mommy all to herself that she can't stand everyone else "hogging" mommy's attention. My son went through head butting phase. (i'm a stay at home mom too) If anyone else held him, he would head butt them as hard as possible. We went through a few busted lips in this family. He grew out of it though. Just bear with it.

If you do time out, match it to her age. She is two, so a two minute time out is sufficient.

Good luck, I've been there and it gets better.

Answer 10

she's 2. it's typical. try a timeout. put her in a time-out chair. if she gets off it, put her back on it without talking. repeat it as often as needed in that amount of time you and your husband agree on. maybe 2-3 minutes for the first times.