Am I being abused or am I just a bad kid?

Question

I don't know how to explain my situation very well. I feel that if I'm not being beaten or molested, I have no right to complain and am a spoiled brat. My mom is constantly complaining about everything I do, I do chores around the house to help out and she screams that I don't do it right and does it herself and then says I'm stressing her out too much....she does this to her boyfriend as well. She made me drop out of school because she couldn't give me rides and I currently don't have a liscence and can't take the bus(complicated situation) and now gets mad that I sit at home and says "why can't you go to school like a normal kid?" She never wants to spend time with me when she gets home at 5 pm, saying she's too tired, goes right to bed, talks about money constantly and never anything else, won't let anyone is the house eat anything that doesn't fit her standards meaning no cereal, no crackers, ect only things like wheat germ....Is it just self pity?

She gets mad that I don't pay for my own things, I never ask for anything, yet says I can't get a job unless I can walk to it because she won't drive me, there's nothing to walk to for over 6 miles out here, wishes I would move out, tells me I'm a burden, I want to move out but the cycle(no car, no job, no money for a car) makes it hard. I'll be seventeen in 8 days, I know I'm not getting a "birthday" I haven't for the past 5 years, I'm selfish for wanting one is how I feel...I think it's a very stressful unhealthy energy she emits yet no one cares unless there's actual physical abuse, do i suck it up and wait it out? It seems like all I can do...

Answer 1

Its called emotional abuse and its as real as physical abuse. I urge you to find a way to get back to school. Call the school counselor and explain what is going on. They will work out a way to get you there. At least youll get some support there. If you dont do that then I would say yes you are just a spoiled kid because the school will work with you on finding a way to school.

Answer 2

Hey, I don't exactly know what the heck is going on in your home, but something definitely has got to change. Can you talk to a family member, friend, or friends parents. Maybe you can ask a priest or rabbi etc for some guidance. If your mom beats you or there is absolutely NO POSSIBLE WAY for you to get to school (whatever the complicated situation) then you need to go to the police. I will say a prayer for you, so that G*d or someone can help you so that you will feel better and be happier soon.

Answer 3

I don't know your mom, but one thing I do know is that if she has a full time job I can appreciate that she comes home tired. I am not saying that she has the right to be verbally abusive to you, but you have to realize that she is having a hard time. No one knows another persons feelings, and what goes on inside them. Possibly she had a hard life growing up also.

You don't go to school, you say because to take the bus is complicated.situation. That is not a reason. At your age with mom working so hard you should get a job, any kind.

When I started to read your question at first I felt bad for you. But reading it again, I realize the you are LAZY. You should be going to school by bus no matter how complicated it is. You should get a job at night or week ends, go by bus. Get off your ass, and start putting some effort into getting a life.

No it is not self pity, it is LAZINESS, and you want people to agree with you. Maybe teenagers that answer will have pity on you. But any responsible adult wil see the situation as it is.

A person if they want to can overcome any obstacle in life. You have no desire to do anything. You even blame your mother for making you quit school because she won't drive you. YOU QUIT, PERIOD.

YES YOU ARE A BRAT, your mother is doing you a favor by not reporting your truancy.

Answer 4

Your mother needs to see a doctor to get help with her warped sense of motherhood. No one should ever have their child drop of out school. She is setting you up for failure before you even have a chance to start living your life. She seems to be stressed about money. Maybe she needs to get some public assistance or talk to a credit counselor to help her overcome this burden. You do not say how old you are but maybe if you get a part time job after school ( you need to go back to school first) it would help take some of the burden of her. Children are not suppose to support their parents but she needs some help and you do not mention extended family. What is it about the chores she complains about? Is it possible to take those things she mentions and fix them the next time? You should not have to be on egg shells but something is wrong and she needs help. ASAP!

Answer 5

You are in no way a bad kid! Your mother on the other hand is terrible! I don't believe in bad kids. I believe in bad choices and that is exactly what she is making. It most definitely is abuse. Mental abuse to be exact. There is no excuse for her behavior and you need to seek help imediately! Is there anyone in your family or at your old school you could talk to? Even if you could talk to a friend and have them tell their parents about this. If you can use the phone, (if not, sneek when she isn't there) call your old school and ask to speak to your counselor. You can also call your local "help" line if you have one. Many cities have these now. Look in your phonebook to find it. You most definitely should be in school! How does she expect you to finish your education unless you go to college? Even if she refused to pay for it, there is financial aid for anyone who qualifies. In your case, you definitely would being she won't give you the money to do it. I wish I could talk to you more about this so I could ask some more questions. How long have you been out of school? Does the school know why you were withdrawn? Please, take my advice here and contact someone who can help you. Do it before it gets any worse. And remember, it isn't your fault AT ALL! Believe me, once you get into a nurturing environment where people care about you, you will have a better outlook on life and know that you are worthy of being here. Don't ever believe you are not good enough, ever! OK? If you can't do this yourself for any reason, please update this answer and I will find a way to help you myself. We don't know each other but, I care about you and what happens next. I can promise you that! ADDITION TO MY ANSWER: Please don't listen to michelebaruch's answer or anyone else who tells you it's your fault. I am a youth counselor and I have the skills required to identify a youth in need. You definitely fit the criteria of mental abuse. ANY mother who says you are not "normal" or makes you quit school and is telling you you can't do anything right, has serious problems and should seek help herself. Your mother may not know she is doing this to you or is suffering from some kind of mental illness however, you have identified that things just aren't right at home and want it to change. I congratulate you on your courage to address this situation and bring it to others. Once you get help, maybe your mother will see what she is doing and agree to get help also. Sometimes kids can see what adults can't and by you stepping forward, you could be giving her and yourself a very special gift that you and she will never forget. Remember, even if the outcome you want doesn't happen, you were willing to seek help and are bettering yourself for doing it!

Answer 6

I would say your mother has issue's eighter depression maybe mixed with too much stress... I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I also think she suffers from regret... Your not a bad kid your just stuck with a bad mother... Maybe the best thing for you to do is try to earn money for a bike til you can provide the funds for a car... (ex. raking, mowing,shoveling snow)That way you still have some sort of transportation to get to a job... Once you get the job maybe you can see if another employee who works the same shift can give you a ride back and forth be sure to offer gas money at the end of the week...

Answer 7

It sounds like your mom is under a lot of stress and doesn't know how to deal with it, so of course she lets it out on you. It's not "abuse" technically, but you definitely don't sound like a bad kid or a spoiled brat. You need to find friends or other family who are willing to better your situation, even in small ways. For instance, if someone lent/bought you a bicycle, you could go to school or get a job. I would suggest talking to someone much older and wiser, who could perhaps also talk to your mother, for instance a church pastor or school counselor. In the meantime, try to be as understanding and patient and loving to your mother as possible, as she obviously needs it. It will be hard, but it will probably change her attitude as well.

Answer 8

there are a few things wrong with this situation
firstly it's illegal for a child to not go to school so thats the most important i can see that that wasn't your choice so you might want to phone the school where u used to go and talk to them. second if your helping around the house do what u have do but before u walk away knowing you mum think (If she walks out here right now will she do it again).
you might want to think about a job if your legal age yet coz the money thing could well be the reason your not in school

Answer 9

Your mother is not coping and is abusing you and everyone else in the house. She is controlling and manipulating. This is not examples of you being a bad kid. It is an example of her being never satisfied with anything. This is an internal problem for her to resolve and you can't really make her resolve it.

Her expectations are inconsistent with your ability to fulfill them.

I live 12 kms from a small town and my 16 yo son recently came to live here with me. It is a hassle having to get up every morning to drive him to work but as I want him to be financially independant and he is not yet old enough to have a license and is incapable of buying a car or motorbike without a job I accept that I need to drive him to work until he can gain that independance for himself.

He does a shocking job hanging the waashing on the line but you wont hear me telling him so.... Mostly because I wouldnt want to give him an excuse to not do it and also because I appreciate the fact he is doing it....

I would suggest you get out of the house as much as possible... if you are like us and live way out of town then do yourself a favour and every day go for a walk... each day try to walk further than you did the day before... you will be surprised how far a person can walk comfortably in a day when they get into it...

Six mile (approx 10km) and then back... is a very long walk but is possible if you build up to it... give yourself the challenge to be able to walk there and back..

Write a list of all your good points... really think about what you do that is good and what you do that is helpful... and write it all down.. You need to keep focussed on your good points.. dont let your mothers negativity become your reality...

If you know your mother likes a cup of tea or coffee when she gets home see if you can have on ready for her when she gets home just give her the cuppa and say I made this for you... I thought you'd like it.. then walk away... make yourself busy... Just do one nice thing for her personally every day without being asked..

It does sound like your mother is over loaded emotionally and cant really function properly or see things cleearly... but that is no excuse for not being there for you... but in the same breath I would say that she is unwell.. and like any person who is unwell she does need some kindness and help...

You could try going to a charitable organisation and asking them for help... tell them you need somewhere else to live and help finding work or returning to school... you dont need to be beaten senseless for these organisations to help you.. what you are going through is abuse but is most likely caused by your mother being worn down with worry and concern and being out of balance...

Sorry I cant be more helpful right now... Best of luck with it all..

Answer 10

If your story is completly right, your mum is in the wrong its a wonder she hasn't got into trouble, she shouldn't take you out of school because of her selfishness unless your willing to leave school, your mum sounds like an angry person is she against the world? Obviously she has worries on her mind and she's taking you down with her, do you have a neighbour who can get you to school perhaps she may see how selfish she's being, as for not doing chores right- let her do them and don't let it get you down, turn your head and put a smile on your lips and carry on like theres nothing wrong, your mother certainly needs to change her attitude before she loses your respect and love like mine did.