Really tough religious dilemma sort of question. What should I do?

Question

An inter-faith couple I know just had a little boy. She's Palestinian, he's Jewish - pause for effect - anyway, they're fighting now, asking me whether or not their kid should be circumcised. They're hanging on what I think so I feel like I'm caught in the middle. Who should I side with?

PS: I really like both of them.

Note: She's second generation American. He's Israeli. She doesn't want it. He does. I guess I should've included this information.

Answer 1

What faith does the palestinian pertain to?

Answer 2

I would tell them that they should sit down and consider the reasons why they are for or against having it done. They should also look to see if they are okay, in some way, with leaving it alone for the child to make the decision on his own when he is older. Thus are the reasons cultural or religious differences? I have met many Muslims that have been circumcised so I'm not sure why there is a conflict. Perhaps the deeper conflict is not the act itself, but rather the religious ceremonial nature of the act. Jewish tradition usually makes the circumcision very religious and full of ritual, whereas the Muslim friends I have met that are circumcised said their parents chose to do so for health reasons and not just for religious reasons (although they said their parents had some religious reasons). If the deeper issue is the religious ceremonial aspect, then the two should seek out a compromise on how the ceremony should be carried out.

In either case, if they love each other and their child then they should follow the love they have for their child and each other and let it guide them. Perhaps the greatest gift they can give their child is the chance to decide for himself what he wants to do when he is old enough to understand. I say this because I come from a religiously diverse family and it was always expressed to me that I should explore for myself the religious traditions and decide on my own, when the time is right, what religious tradition I wish to follow. In the mean time I was allowed to go with various family members of a multitude of religious beliefs to their houses of worship, etc, and explore. I often realize what a very special gift my parents and family gave me in teaching me to explore things on my own and making my own decisions. I know that I have many friends who were forced to go to church, synagogue, mosque, etc by their parents and family and often avoid houses of worship and religion altogether now (and often have a somewhat negative view upon religion and spirituality) while the friends that I have that are like me whose parents allowed us the freedom to explore and often encouraged us to explore, we have chosen a religious tradition and are actively involved in it and do not have a negative view upon religion and spirituality.

Hope the best for them. I am certain their love for each other and their child will help them to overcome this obstacle. My best advice to them would be to keep an open heart so that Love can freely flow and speak to them.

Answer 3

Hey Z,

Please keep in mind first that i'm telling you this as a Christian and i'm not sure how your Palestinian or Jewish friend might feel about that part.

I think the important thing in this, is the reason for circumcisizing the child. There are most certainly sanitary reasons to circumsize a child and its better to do it while the child is younger than at a later age.

Circumcision itself is not spiritually significant in any way. In the Old Testament it was an outward symbol of an inward circumcision of the heart to God. It was also reccommended for sanitary and healthy purposes.

I think i would really focus on that. Being circumsized doesn't make anyone more spiritual or closer to God. So i think they should really consider what is most beneficial for the child.

Hope that helps.

Kindly,

Nickster

Answer 4

The circumcision is a safe thing to do in any case. I had a friend who had a great problem later in life because he was not circumcised. The foreskin tends to become a problem to keep clean at times and can become infected. Granted it does not happen often but this could be a good reason to go ahead and do so now rather than later in life when the pain would be extruciating. JUST a thought. Have a great week.
Thanks,
Eds, (I am a Christian that was circumcised not for a religious reason.)

Answer 5

Both religions are into circumcision. What is the problem?

Muslims and Jews both circumcise their male children so there should really be no difficulty unless they are arguing over the ritual to follow.

However, I respectfully suggest that this is their problem and you are there to just toss in a few bones for them to chew on!

As for leaving the decision up to the child... pffft. It needs to be done at a very young age so that it is forgotten and just part of the very early painful days of adjusting to a body. It is some sorta sore later on in life to have it done.

Answer 6

I thought both groups circumcised males. Well, I am assuming the Palestinian is Muslim. If I were you I'd keep out (possibly I would point out that non-religious circumcision is a thing of the past, possibly pointing them at www.nocirc.org)

Answer 7

Almost all American Males get circumcised regardless of Religion it is considered better to do so now than at a older age. Uncircumcised males have a higher rate of urinary tract infections. In the US it is concidered strange not to be circumcised.

Answer 8

do you want to remain friends with them? If the answer is yes, then side neither. It is not your job to decide what the fate of their child should be and if you do take on that responsibility, more likely than not, you will loose one or both friendships.
They are adults, trust me, they will find a way to resolve it themselves. It is only child circumcision, not world peace

Answer 9

well then by Jewish custom the circumcision is held off untill the child is 13 and ready to go through that rite of passage.

so that should get you out of the fire for a while. and by that time it is the child's choice as to weather or not he wishes to enter the covenant with god.

Answer 10

That is something they certainly should have worked out before they had children. I think circumcision is gross. I would never, ever, ever allow someone to literally slice a piece of my sons penis off.

edit: I second that Cactus Flower.
It would be in your best interest to stay out of it.

Answer 11

If you want to continue being friends with both of them, smile and suggest they each consult their religious leader or a professional counsellor. They ( the couple )are requesting that you insult the opinion of one or the other........NOTE; These are courageous people to defy each religious group as they have. I don't envy their son though.