My 16 year old niece is pregnant and is asking for advice?

Question

My niece whom I love dearly is pregnant and asking for my advice on what to do. I really don't know what to tell her, it is a little to late to give her the speech I plan on giving my own daughter (plz wait until your married and older). I thought my sister had given that speech but my niece said NO she was not told this. I am afraid to tell her to keep it,in that I don't know any teen moms who raise a well adjusted child and did good for them self also. I do not know how she feels about about abortion. I know how I feel, but is it ok to tell her that? Adoption sounds great but I don't know if she would even consider it.If you have any advice I would apperiate it.

Everyone thanks for answering. But Rebecca your answer is a little confusing. I will tell my own daughter when she is old enough that waiting to have a child when your older and married is best. I wasn't talking about the SEX talk, even though I hope she does wait. And did we really need the details on how you please your boyfriend ? My niece is not my child I can't make her do any thing I can only help her out so that is why I am asking for advice. I have recieved great advice from yahoo answers before and it looks like I am getting great answers now. Thanks everyone.

Answer 1

i'm sorry, but i wasn't given "the talk", but i didn't end up pregnant at 16! your niece knew better, so don't feel like she's so innocent. talk to her about adoption. tell her that she needs to work on getting her education, etc, and that won't happen with a baby. no abortion talk, since there are lots of people who would love to have a baby.
good luck.

Answer 2

well, there are countless things you can probally do but whatever you do help her make it through this time of need.

are you the kind of person that tattles or would it not be your place to tell such a thing. i don't mean to be rude, i think i'm wording this wrong but ask yourself this, should it be a daughter - mother discussion. that would be in my point of view. i think i would let your neice tell the mom when she is ready to tell her. i mean you don't want to tell your sister right out of the blue. I understand that brothers and sisters can't hide secrets from one another being i have one of my own but this is without a doubt something your neice and sister need to discuss. she'll probally tell your sister when she's ready. just let it go for now.

another thing to do is don't flip out and tell other people, that's bad and wrong. i mean that's personal buisness if ya know what i mean.

it depends also on the beliefs of the other. does your neice believe in abortion (appologies if spelled wrong). don't listen to the people above me like the first one stating that she should definitely keep it. they should understand it's a very serious manner. a lot of planning is involved in regards to pregnacy.
i know a family who has a girl a little older than your neice, has a baby, plus a boyfriend/father/soon-to-be husband. and the woman who had the baby is living at home, along with a mother, aunt, brothers and sisters, etc. so it is very possible to manage a well adjusted child with a full house. thus this gives a good life for the mother also. a little hard but managable depending on how the you turn.

you should tell her how you felt. you probally felt "i knew you when you were born now i see my neice isn't so little anymore" kind of speech. am i right? well, it's not that easy to let things go, as i learned that the hard way. and you can tell her also on how you feel about abortion, but still tell her that it's her decision. it's her baby not yours. it's growig within her. it's a very precious situation for a girl.

tell your neice she could try seeing someone, that would be a great start. they could help her be more prepared on what to do. if she does decide onto have the child then at least she would be more prepared on what to do. this may be worded wrong but you know what i mean.

adoption all depends on the mother of the child, and the family. how is the lifestyle right now with your neice. do you think that your neice's mother wants to have a baby around? Again i'm not trying to be mean here, but as i said before, a lot has to be taken i consideration. Adoption in my oppinion should be a last resort, because i believe that kids shouldn't grow up without knowing their parents.

i hope this helps you.

EDIT: please don't listen to some of these answers that are just plain ludocris and won't even give good advice. they just are stupid and don't understand this delicate situation.

Answer 3

She is pregnant and scared. Give her all the options. Whether she rejects them or not depends on her but she needs to know. A trip to planned parenthood would not go wrong either. Personally, I believe abortion is an answer at this point but not everyone would agree. Be warned, though, if you don't know yourself--for most women it is a haunting experience that will stay with them until they die. Memories of what could have been, feelings during pregnancy, tension, relief--she needs counseling and to really understand what she is doing, whatever it is. AND IT HAS TO BE HER CHOICE. She will remember your reaction and anyone elses the rest of her life. I aborted in my early 20's and still feel my mother talked me into it, and I will never forgive that, even though it turned out to be for the best. This time my sister wanted me to give up my expected son for adoption, and I will never forgive her reaction to my pregnancy either.... And, judging by my own mother (I am a young mother (expectant) but not a teen, but I consider my mother to be fairly competent and stereotypical), your niece had best have some knowledge about her situation under her belt, and some idea of what might be best, before her mother finds out because it will be hard.

Answer 4

Abortion-no. I have heard that the gals that do that, regret having done it afterwards. Adoption-yes. There are so many couples out there who after years of marriage, have been unable to conceive, and would greatly appreciate a child to adopt. As for keeping the child herself, she would have to make the committment of raising that child properly, and going to school (hopefully full time and stay at home while going to school.) She could tehn get a GED if she needs to quit early. Just no dropping out. A job after that, and out onher own some time down the line. With family and friends there to help her and emotionally support her along the way. What about the father? Are they a serious couple? Possible marriage? Or, best not go there. I wish you all the best. Take care.

Answer 5

First I think that abortion is not a good choice for many reasons. If it's a choice between abortion and adoption than let the baby be adopted. I don't understand some of the details about your question and will comment on them to perhaps help you in your own thinking. Why do you think that talking with her about not having premarital sex will keep it from happening? I just turned 18 and am still a virgin (by the grace of God) and my parents and his mother used to give us the talk all the time. The only reason they never forced us to break up is because he's the nicest boy you could imagine and his mom grew to really like me and he became like a second son to my parents so instead of trying to break us up they would constantly remind us not to "go too far". Well it kind of worked (so far) but in order to control our desires for each other we developed techniques to please each other using our hands. I dream about the day when I can get more than his skilled and gentle fingers and I can give him more than my cupped palm. Also, why would a 16 year old girl have health problems after giving birth? Healthy women are built for that process and unless she has a medical condition there should be no long term effects if she carried the baby full term and gave birth.

One woman answered that her mother conceived her at 15 and she herself did not have her first child until 27. This woman is apparently a star and what a tragedy if her birth mother aborted her (God Forbid!!)

My sweet boy whom I love dearly was conceived at 15. His mother kept him because she realized that a baby girl about to be born needed him and would grow to deeply love him. Plus she was a great mother. The male who conceived him was in reality just a sperm donor, but he will be a real father who will marry and love his special girl (me) and produce with her children who will be the light of their lives.

My final advice is talk to your daughter and niece all the time and monitor who your children hang with, make sure they have a curfew and don't let your daughter or niece be in a position where they can get pregnant. If you can't control your niece's behavior than perhaps for the sake of the child it should be adopted. After all you don't want a child raised by a mother who never sends it to school and believes that her goal in life is to satisfy herself physically.

Good Luck

Answer 6

family is the most important thing in life no matter what, adopted children inevitably think and feel abandoned or unloved by their birth families. so keep those two things in mind, when you decide to give advice, but if a child is asking for advice, on having another child, i would say someone needs to talk to her, and if she trusts you enough to ask, then you need to get some good information from professionals, like planned parent hood, or some other groups that deal with pregnancy, abortions, and adoptions, and help her go through it and understand it.

Answer 7

I had my first child at 17. I married her dad, went to school (received an RN), and she is, at 16, an honor student. We also have a 10 year old and a 4 month old. It all depends on the support system you have whether or not you'll make it. I have talked to my daughter and told her I want her to wait until she's married to have sex. I know it sounds hypocritical but I know how hard it can be. The decision is ultimately up to your niece. She can make it if she has a strong support system and she wants to. Good luck I'll be praying for you both.

Answer 8

Shockingly, some teens are pretty good parents. I've seen several of my friends thru high school pregnancies and now their kids are in high school. It's really about what she wants. Some people can't bear the thought of adoption because they don't want anyone else to have their kid, some love adoption b/c they don't have to abort, and can still not have to change their life...I am not even a little for an abortion...I"ve also had friends that had those and I've seen what a mental mess it has made of them...I would recommend against that. If she wants to try to keep it, power to her!!

Answer 9

What advice is she asking for? Keep, abort or adopt? Only she can make that choice, don't let her put the decision on your shoulders so she can absolve herself later. No matter what her decision, it should follow her forever to help her make the tough decisions before they become a problem decision. Let her make the decision and then be there to help her in whatever decision she chooses, if she needs money for an abortion, or a trip to planned parenthood or finding a nice family to adopt.

Answer 10

My husband's younger brother got his girlfriend pregnant when they were this age. What I have seen over the past 25 years is an utterly miserable child whose mother constantly told her: you wrecked me life. The 24 year old is unhappy, has several children by several abusive men, and is just not what you'd be hoping for for your niece.

DH's family felt abortion was wrong and adoption unacceptable. I think this has proven to be nothing but despicable selfishness, a bunch of people unwilling to sacrifice for this baby.

I think you should tell your niece that if she was your daughter, you would strongly discourage her from believing that she could effectively raise this child and that her plans should proceed from an acceptance that she would be a selfish, short-sighted woman if she kept this baby.

What a disaster.

Babies who experience more than 10 hours a week separation from their mothers end up with terrible damage to their emotional, social, intellectual, and physical well-being. Unless your sis is willing to support your niece and her grandchild for several years so your niece stands a miniscule chance of giving her child what she needs, your niece needs to be told that her raising this baby is an utterly unacceptable and cruel thing to do to this baby.