For those in long term relationships?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we love eachother very much. Lately, though, I have been feeling like something is missing. I know that it is the intellectual side of the relationship that is lacking. I like to read all kinds of books, I love art, photography, films, and I can't really talk to him about any of those things. I tried to show him the movie Magnolia which I love, and he couldn't stand more than 15 minutes of it. Of course, I know his movie choices are not a reason to leave him and I knew all of this about him when we first got together. So, I guess my question is if I stay with him will it not last because we don't have that intellectual connection, or is it possible to be with someone based on emotional and physical connection. Is the intellectual connection necessary to make a relationship work? I'm talking about long term... Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

nope.. believe me i had a relationship of almost 2 yrs (breakup nothing to do with intellectual stuff) and what youre going through was also an issue for me... lets just say she didnt share the same intellectual interests as me... you can make a relationship work with just a strong emotional and spiritual connection... the intellectual part can be an issue but it can be managed... as time goes on youll see that this problem you have will go away.

Answer 2

I don't think an intellectual connection is vital for a long lasting relationship. I'm a pretty smart person and my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years is not as smart, but there are more important things than being about to talk about which book your reading. As long as there are activities that you enjoy doing together, you can have a very happy relationship. In fact, you could go find someone who shares all of the same interests as you, but after six months or whatever you could get bored with them. Someone who shares all your interests can't bring anything new to your life via your relationship. I introduced my girlfriend to the outdoors... camping, riding fourwheelers, horses, shooting guns, etc and she brought some things to the relationship that were new to me, like we cook together now a lot (the most I use to cook was slapping a steak on the BBQ or heating up a chicken pot pie). We both also love to travel and take little weekend vacations... one weekend we'll go to a 49er game and the next time we'll go to a small oceanside town in Northern California where we can hang out on the coast and visit all the local stores. Obviously we both have preferances to what we would rather be doing, but as long as you meet halfway you can really enjoy eachothers company. Even with this, you may not be a couple for a long time. The trick is to stop worrying about how long you're going to last, and give it your best shot now. You could wake up 50 years from now laying next to this guy and be completely happy.

Answer 3

Guys and girls don't usually agree on movies if at all. He probably won't appreciate the same movies that you do and if he does it won't always be in the same way that you do because the genders are different from eachother. Guys and girls work differently. One thing though if you really love eachother then you will take the time to try to understand the things the other person appreciates and loves. I'm really not into sports at all except to play them occassionally, but I hate watching them. That's one huge thing I love about my boyfriend that he's not into them like most guys. I really love music. I play guitar, piano, sing and write my own music. I have learned that I want the person I'm with to do that also because it's one of my biggest passions. It's just not possible for me to be with someone doesn't understand or appreciates that aspect about me. It all just depends on how important art, photography, films, and books are to you. You can't expect him to be into exacly everything that you are into. But I've found someone who I can say is into a majority of what I like. And it's pretty great. But besides your interests, they also have to treat you right too. Intelligence is pretty important as well as physical and emotional. Is this something you've talked to him about?? I would have to say that communication is another huge thing on the list as well. So don't forget that and you should be good.

Answer 4

At first the physical is all that's needed, but if you don't have the intellectual connection it just wont work. There are lots of guys who like reading, intelligent movies and just talking. Don't settle for less. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 6 months and I know that you don't have to be connected in all areas to be totally in love. Maybe you guys could discover new things together that you guys both don't know much about and create new intellectual interests.

Answer 6

I think an intellectual connection is important. Your interests should overlap in someway even if your exact areas of interests or opinions dont match.

I think its hard to be with someone who cannot or does not want to share the stuff you enjoy or think is important. You want someone you respect and enjoy spending time with.

If you stay with him I think two things could happen (IF he doesn't develop an interest in your hobbies):
1. You could end up spending less time on the things you enjoy now.
2. You get frustrated with not being able to talk to him about this AMAZING movie you saw, or FANTASTIC book you read.

Most importantly, if he isnt even willing to try that is the biggest problem.

Answer 7

First of all men are from Mars, Hello! and yes it is important to have intellect in your relationship what type of intellect depends on the common ground that he and you share. A man and a woman can both look at the same movie and have a different explanations for what is happening. my advice to you is find your none sexual common-ground by examining the pros and cons of your relationship and finding what you two have in common, it will take time and six months is not a long time trust me you have a long ways to go! It's been almost eight years for me and I still have the communication issues but it's a lot better than before and it did.t happen overnight. So find your common-grounds and built intellect from there.

Answer 8

Does the good outweigh the bad? My wife and I differ on lots of things but we have the same core values.

Answer 9

For me , intellectual connection is very important ....i cant help but luv it when im able to discuss to my partner abt serious stuff etc ..so urm ..it totally depends on wut u want n desire ..if like me , intellectual connection is impt , then im sry i dont think it will work well ...