I want to move out of my M but not at the cost of my kids. My H has been abusive in all ways and had a very strong emotional A before M with his collegue .He is a very nice and caring father to kids and worst person for me . I have tried my best to develop a bond with him but feels like i am failure now
he is away for few days on official trip and my kids are missing him .I am feeling very hurt that how is it posible that my kids love him so much . I am not able to digest the fact that for kids,my 24*7 parenting is equivalent to his 20 minutes time which he spends with them after coming from office.
Though i have done my best but if my kids love him so much and are missing him then i would prefer to put up my efforts again to live with him ..so its very imporatnt to have proper analysis of kids psychology.Help me in that.
thanks
2007-03-18 18:00:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
When I was preparing for marriage at my church I was told to do all I can to preserve my marriage but that as soon as abuse is part of the relationship ---GET OUT!!!
Never stay in an abusive relationship no matter what.
And if you think staying together for the kids is the right thing to do, IT'S NOT.
If you have sons you are teaching them that it's ok for THEM to treat women this way.
If you have daughters you are teaching them that it's ok for any guy to be abusive to them and they must simply accept it.
THAT'S WRONG!
2007-03-18 18:09:48 · answer #1 · answered by mamabunny 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes they act that way around him because they probably starve for his loving attention that they may not get. it is not good to stay in an abusive relationship, for you or your children. their home life growing up teaches them "how things should be" you should be the one to set the better example. leave now before things get worse. you could suggest counseling but from what info you provided that probably won't help. contact a family member and see if you and the kids can stay there for some time, or you can go get a PFA to keep him from coming into the house (or withing so many yards/feet) make sure that you state that you want custody of the children (which when a pfa is granted you will get full custody for a bout a week or till till the finalized pfa and then after that untill a legal agreement is set up you have to go through a 3rd party for any arrangements for the kids. when he wants the visits it too has to be through a 3rd party. good luck and i hope this helps
2007-03-18 20:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by witchway915 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm definitely no parent, and you might not want to take any advice from me. After all, I'm only a teenager. But children tend to long for things they don't have. When a child is first born and up to a certain age, they feel more attached to their mother. But once they get past that age, especially for males, they tend to want their father's love. It becomes a goal and sometimes even a motivator to do well to please their father. I'm sorry that you can't be your children's happiness at the moment, but they'll come to appreciate you when they get older. That's what parents have to go through for their kids.
So what should you do as an individual? Abusive relationships are never healthy for the victim. It's best to get out of them as soon as possible.
What should you do as a parent? Sacrifice comes with being a parent. If you truly want your children to be happy, you're going to have to sacrifice a lot of things for that happiness.
2007-03-18 18:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am talking from the point of view of the child. My mother was in a VERY similar relationship with my "father". It took her years to leave him. He was a good father some of the time but most of the time he was the worst. He was in the Navy and when he went on deployment my sister and I missed him terribly but when he was home we secretly wished he was gone. Leave the bastard and take your kids with you. It is the best thing for you and your children. After my mom left "him" she turned into a confident strong woman and was able to finally give us the mom we deserved, even if it was a little late. Get help and leave, please!
2007-03-18 18:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been putting up with abuse for awhile now. I left, but he promised things would be different, he even went to counseling. My little boys love him and really missed him, they were really hurt by his absence so I took the chance and we got back together. He hasn't hit me, but he is still a jerk. He doesn't even try. I am regretting it. My boys feel like he doesn't like them because of the way he treats me and I think that you would do well to leave. He can choose to preserve his relationship with them, and they will be better off with a healthy mom. It's hard though, to leave means that you lose so much extra stuff too. I understand your problem, I would leave, I intend to leave. Best wishes.
2007-03-18 18:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by Huggles-the-wise 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying around is showing your kids its ok to be abusive to your spouse and i know you dont want that for your kids. I would move away even if its in with your parents or some kind of family anything is better than where you are at now. And he wants to see them set up some kind of court agreement so everyone will be happy including you
2007-03-18 18:25:55 · answer #6 · answered by stacia a 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's a book to check out to find out how divorce affects kids: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee
http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Unexpected-Legacy-of-Divorce_W0QQprZ695027QQtgZinfo
2007-03-18 18:12:19 · answer #7 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about this, your son grows up and gets married, he beats his wife and puts her down in every way he can (i mean i saw dad doing it to mom so its OK thinks your son) but one day it goes to far, she dies... Now your grand children have no parents at all, because he thought it was OK.
Your lil girl finds a man, but he is abusive, she takes it cuz you did so that means its OK, he goes to far and kills her, now you lost your daughter
One day your husband goes to far and kills you, now your kids have no parents....
20 mins over your life? Leave that man, he's worthless, if you want them to have both of you forever, stay away from him, he can get his every other weekend visit and that will be that, you will raise them and when they grow up to be good people with good families where no one gets hurt, Not will only your kids thank you but so will their families...
2007-03-19 03:31:32 · answer #8 · answered by sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off no real man wll ever strike a woman and mean it' The bible tells us to take care of our wives as Christ also takes care of us. Any man who strikes a woman out of anger is no man. Show this to him and maybe the spirit of God can reach him. Believe in Christ and follow him, for With him can change anyones heart.
2007-03-18 20:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by Georgia Preacher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Under no circumstances should you remain with an abusive partner. This is bad for your children as well as for you. Find a women's shelter, take your children there, and get out now!
2007-03-18 18:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋