When i was 22 (and unmarried), I met a married woman at a bar/ club. She was older, but still relatively attractive and our personalities just clicked. she was out with her friends. seemed to be happy enough about her life, and wasn't outto pick up a guy - she was taken aback by the whole thing.
It turned into a romp in the back seat of her truck.
So now my wife, 43, and a 7 out of 10 for her age, goes out with her freinds dancing once a month, more or less. They have a real blast. She’s come home tipsy. At least one of her freinds, I know, has a small reputation for fluziness. I come to learn she carries a rubber in her purse. i ask why . . . she said she and her freidns agreed they'd all always carry one because of a scare that happened to a mutual freind. its not to use, she assured, it 'just in case'
just in case of what?
i think about it - we’ve been married 17 years and we are very stable, but we don't have a whole lot of sex anymore. i highly highly doubt she'd ever leave me -she’s not going to throw it all away - but could she have gotten boinked or be open to the possibility?
and if so should i get mad? On the one hand, I think what goes around comes around. More importantly, crazy as it sounds, I feel like good for her . . . don't she deserve some?
So, 1) help me assess the liklihood she is, 2) she I stick with the progressive attitude or shift back to a more traditional approach?
2007-03-18 18:00:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Many may disagree with me, but here goes.
There is nothing wrong with your wife having sex with another man as long as you give her permission to do so. It is not adultery. You say that the two of you do not have sex very often now. This is normal in most marriages. The new and exciting has worn off. Today non-monogamy is becoming more normal as is a couple being polyamorus. Do a little research and do not be angry with your wife or her with you. Sit down and talk sincebly about it all and proceed from there. Actually non monogamy can make a marriage better and healthier. Tell your wife she can have sex with whom ever she wishes and that you can do the same...go to a swing club together and start enjoying the good lifestyle.
2007-03-18 19:24:27 · answer #1 · answered by pinelake302 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the approach is really up to you. You've had some past experience that shows you what can happen...You actually seem pretty open minded about the idea from your post. "Just in case" hmmmm. I've been married 16 years and I don't carry one "just in case" so..I wonder what she's thinking. Why don't you have this conversation with her? See how she feels, she might not be interested in this at all..then again..she might be. After being married as long as you have, I think you both owe it to each other to at least be open about how you feel. It's good that you feel good for her, it shows that you enjoy her living her life and having fun. Maybe a romp in the backseat for her would spice up your own sex life? At least you know if it happens, she's going to be safe! lol..
Good luck :)
2007-03-19 01:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would seem that this "possibility"of your wife of 17 yrs. engaging in extra marital activities takes up a fair bit of your subconscious thought.Being that you are married for17 yrs.there is obviously a level of trust between you,or you have been living a life of self mental torture by not openly discussing this issue with your wifeTtry and put a little faith in her ability to understand your issue.But the bigger issue is that you believe she is capable of cheating on you,because a her friend carries a condom, and b. because of the way you met your wife and had intercourse. I think my friend you might be reading into this a little to much.Talk to her i am sure she will understand .And for God,s sake man try putting out for her.If a dog is fed at home he won,t go looking for scraps elsewhere!
2007-03-19 01:25:57 · answer #3 · answered by whitewinged1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say that you should try to have sex more. I am married and when my husband refuses to sleep with me my mind tends to wander. But only until he sleeps with me again then I am all about him. If she hesitates about having sex with you then I would say that is not a good sign. Throw the condom away. Tell her that if her friend is not responsible enough to carry her own condoms then that's her problem. That sounds like a bull **** story to me to be completely honest. Just like when a woman wears her ring on a necklace. "i want to keep it close to my heart..." that's just bull ****. I swear you should not allow her to carry a condom. If you do not tell her that the condom bothers you then she might think you do not care. If my husband gave me that story about why there is a condom in his possesion I would laugh as I ripped it and throw it out.
2007-03-19 01:14:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There seems to be more going on than your saying, but if she is carrying condoms, drinking, going to bars, and hanging out with loose women, well I think you know the answer. Its seems the idea of her being nailed by someone else is a hidden fetish of yours.
2007-03-19 01:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by another journey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that if your wife wants to get some she should, that's totally up to you two. I feel differently. I'd be pretty hurt if I found out my wife slept with someone.
Do you really not mind your wife sleeping with other men?
2007-03-19 01:17:36 · answer #6 · answered by m k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might embrace the "progressive" attitude - until someone gets herpes or warts, or preggers, or.... Think about it!!!
2007-03-19 01:08:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋