Is it wrong to not allow your children to see thier father, cause he is an a**?

Question

I am sick and tierd of him back and forth in thier life, it is hurting my kids, and they are beginning to act out, they are 5 and 3. I never wanted to do that , but I feel thta he is leaving me with no choice.

Answer 1

Just ask them. Then use your best judgment.

Thumbs down? Guess it is not the answer you wanted to read. So from now on, don't ask. You will do want you want anyway regardless of your children's feelings. Selfish on your part.

Answer 2

Ask how your kids feel about their dad and if they don't want to see him ask them why. Maybe there is something the father is doing like talking badly about you for example that makes them feel uncomfortable. Your kids could be acting out because they see the tension between you and their father and they don't know how to handle the stress. If the dad is abusive I would not let him see the kids and get an order of protection. If he is just being an a** let him see the kids as long as they don't object. If they object because they are hurt because he says he'll come and visit and then blows them off. They need to be able to tell him that they don't want to see him if he's not serious about being their dad.

Answer 3

One thing is that unless your children safety is in a bad way when they visit their dad than you have the right to pull the visit off.
right now you have to draw the line is what happen in your home.
you could have a meeting point where you can take your children to meet their dad and have some with your children so you don't have to see you ex.

Give it time you ex will slow stop contact and yes it will hurt your children.
But be careful on what you say to them about their dad . Because it will back fire on you .

The children have the right to see they father and they will make they mind when they get older if they father is not a good role for them.

Right now you need to draw rules for you own home and work on what how you raise your children when you got them .
Don't worry about your ex because he will disappear in the long run.
if that does not work then you need to see a lawyer and ask for legal right what you can do and don't do .

Answer 4

It really depends on what type of a$$ he is.. psychologically damaging the kids is just as bad as physically abusing them.
I know it's hard to allow your children to be around someone whom you think will teach them the wrong values and morals but believe it or not, when they get older they will see how bad he is on their own.
I didn't want my two oldest kids around their dad because I didn't want them to grow up like him. He just wasn't a very nice person, he eventually stopped contacting us on his own but I took the high road and continued to be the best mother I could be. I didn't bad mouth their father or put him down in front of the kids and it took a couple years but now they don't want anything to do with him. They are no longer upset that he's not in their life nor do they blame me for the failure of the relationship. Most importantly, they don't feel it's their fault like most children of divorce do.
The best advice I can give you is if you think he could be damaging the children, go to court and seek supervised visitation for him. If you cut him out of their life then they will never forgive you for it, even when they're older. Do what is best for your children rather it's something you want to do or not.
You can also request that he attend parenting classes which may be the best way to go anyway.. the court can force him to go or lose his visitation altogether.
Best of luck to you and the children.

Answer 5

I'm sorry but i think that as long as the father is not abusive he should be allowed to see them . Of course you don't want to see them hurt but what kind of pain will they feel thinking that their father never wanted to see them. One day they will be old enough to better understand what has taken place. You need to let them make their own decisions about him so that they naturally will come to terms with it. If they feel you have kept them from having a relationship with their father the consequences may be far worse and they may resent you for it. There will be many bumps along the road as they grow older .... all you can do is be there for them without condemning their father .Be truthful on their level but allow them to love him if that's how they feel. Good Luck : )

Answer 6

He must pop in, "be a dad" for about few months, then no word from him for weeks to months. My soon to be ex hubby is like that. My daughter and I live on the west coast, he lives on the east coast. He calls once or twice, then we hear nothing from him for weeks. And the thing I really do not like is how badly she acts out after talking on the phone with him. He has got issues in our home state (the state child and I live in) and refuses to return so he can be a physical presense in our child's life. She is only 3 and does not understand why mommy and daddy are no longer together....why she only talks to daddy on the phone...and why daddy is not here with her....All I have been able to tell her is that daddy "lives very far away", but I remind her that he does love her. But I feel that he is messing her up by not being consistent. Calls to talk to her twice a week for two, three weeks, then nothing for a month. I have sometimes felt that cutting him from her altogether is my only recourse, but I don't want to hurt her any further.

Answer 7

It is wrong if there is a child support order and he has visitations right to see the children and if there is a order then you go through the courts to see about getting his visitations taken away and if there's not one then you do what's best for those children cause it takes any man to be say that he is the daddy but it takes a real man to be a father... remember that

Answer 8

I'm in that exact same situation like you are - my DD is 6, and while I allow contact, ex does the same like your ex does - back and forth in her life. I never told him or her, that they can't see each other, never badmouthed him, but DD pretty much figured him out on her own - she states, that he was never there for her and wants to take her stepdaddy's last name.
As hard as it is - keep allowing the contact, eventually, they'll figure him out on their own. You can't protect them from this, unfortunaly. Kids are smarter than we think, and if you block the contact now, it will backfire on you later on, they'll blame YOU for it, not him. It will be hard for you to see them going through this, but they need to make their own picture of him to cope with it on the long run. He'll dig his own hole.

He can only see her under supervision, too, and even though he knows, that he can visit DD, he didn't visited her in the last 3 years. I can't do more than offering it to him. DD isn't particulary hot for meeting him.

In daily life, don't allow him to play a big role, just live your life with your kids, and try to make their life as happy as possible, activities and the like. If they want to talk about him, have an open ear, but don't push the issue. Be there for them. Make sure, that he won't get them, if something happens to you. Try to set up your parents or another person you trust as their legal guardian for that case. The courts are not obliged to take your will into account, but will look more closely, if you specify in your will, that you don't want him to raise the children.
Try to find out the laws of your state regarding abandondment and child-support (how you describe him, I just assume, that he doesn't pay).

Good Luck on this!

Answer 9

You can't withhold them from their father...... if he is abusing them, you might be able too.. but don't hold your breath. Many mothers are left to deal with the children by themselves because of the father's decisions. It is sad.. I have to do this and it has been 6 years since our divorce. They have learned that they can not count on him by themselves. If the father does not come pick up your kids when he says, then make sure you have something else planned for them to do. If worse comes to worse... go to court and get a court order to have him call you at least 2 days before he gets them and if he doesn't you can make your own plans. If he is late.... then do your own thing. I had to have my ex (by court order) tell me by May 1st when and if he was going to take them for Summer at all... if I heard nothing. i made my own plans and he couldn't say anything to me as far as keeping them away from him. He does not take them for school vacations like he was awarded. You also have to remember that if he was awarded parenting time.. he doesn't have to use it... it is there for HIS protection to make sure you don't keep the kids away from him.... at least that is how it is in Michigan

Answer 10

You are also "HURTING" these children by even considering using them that way. Let the man see them when he can, although he may not have any great excuse's why he's not seeing them on a regular basis, atleast he's making an attempt to see them. One day he will grow up and want to be a part of there everyday lives. Don't rob him of the small chance he's taking to do it now.

Answer 11

if the kids are not safe with him then that is fine. If it is because you disagree with him, then no. He may think the kids are acting up because of you (I am NOT saying that is true)... if you merely have differences and don't get along, then that is not a good enough reason. How is it hurting them? Why are they acting out... can they learn to have both parents and deal with it? Can you guys learn to be civil for the kids? There is not enough info here