My girlfriend and I broke up because she said that I needed to be single. I quit my job(without a plan)to be a happier person. She says that I need to be a little more responsible, figure out what I want to do with my life, and be a little more selfish because I always put everybody else before me. Okay, so if I do all of those things and improve myself, am I really doing it for me if I'm doing it because I want to be with her? She hasn't been a ***** about any of this, she isn't seeing anybody else, and she tells me that she wants me to be okay but whatever happens with us will happen. When I was talking to her tonight and I hugged her, she was hesitant to hug me but when we hugged she just pulled me into her and didn't let go for the longest time. What am I supposed to do? Where is my life supposed to go now? I'm so confused and I'm really really trying to move on and straighten things out but I just don't know how? HELP!!!
2007-03-18 16:02:42 · 13 answers · asked by Patrick E 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've got a new job since then
2007-03-18 16:05:55 · update #1
I'm 27, I'm not that young and I am not too old to not know what I want to do with my life.
2007-03-18 16:07:42 · update #2
The things that she has suggested that I work on are all things that I know that I do need to do: Be financially more responsible, live on my own for a while so that I am okay with being alone, have a little bit more drive in my life like I used to...
2007-03-18 16:12:08 · update #3
you sound like a nice guy and if a girl want you to change in that way then she is not the girl for you but she might still love you and want you to change but the fact that you are working means that your are responsible and then if you use the money for good things then you have plans for your life no girl should tell you how to change as she wants you to change and please her you are only suppose to please yourself take a break for her straighten out yourself and then get another girl who will like you for who you are
2007-03-18 16:05:33 · answer #1 · answered by cutemarv 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The line that really grabbed my attention was the part about quitting your job to be a happier person. She could have stopped after telling you to be more responsible. We are in an economy where jobs are not plentiful and people are hanging on as tight as they can to their jobs. People are grateful to have jobs and you are quitting to be a happier person?? She was hesitant to hug you because she didn't want to lead you on. She hung on tightly because it was familiar to her and probably the last time she intends to let that happen.
The first thing you need to do is get a job and act like a responsible adult. The next thing you need to do is tell her that you are there if she chooses to come back. After that, leave her alone and get on with your life. Get your act together and she may come back to you. She may not, but at least if you are doing your best, you will attract a decent woman. To answer your question about where your life is supposed to go now - how about "grown-up land"?
2007-03-18 16:12:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok my friend. Here we go.
The reason you keep asking the same questions is that there is no big answer to your questions. There is no one thing that you are supposed to discover or do or place you have to discover in order for you to start down the correct path.
You are either going to decide to get up and move forward and learn things, and work at things, and challenge youself and meet people and try new things and expierience life as much as you can in the short time you've got, or you're going to keep asking yourself the same dumb questions and waste your time and miss out on any of the chances for love or excitement or the unexpected or growth that you might have found.
Just do one thing at a time for yourself. Give yourself a break from the drama with your gf. If you two are going to end up happy and together, you'll end up that way after you give yourself a break from thinking that she is more important than you. You mean nothing to her if you are not whole, seperate of her.
2007-03-18 16:18:09 · answer #3 · answered by imnotachickenyoureaturkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is right. You can't live for everyone else. You don't need a relationship until you learn to become a man. I think you should be single for awhile. Maybe longer than you had planned because your personality seems to crumble when your relationships do. Relationships will always fail and that is why you have to be your own best friend cuz in the end all you have me, myself, and I!!!
2007-03-18 16:10:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your girlfriend still loves you a lot, but she's hesitant about the relationship because of the flaws she sees in you. Maybe she just wants you to pull your life in the right direction before you guys get together again. Just change a little for her, because at the same time, you will be helping your own life too as well as your relationship with her.
2007-03-18 16:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by julia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. You need to first figure out
A: What you want
B: What she wants
If A=B, keep going.
If they are similar:
If A>B, she needs to know.
If A
If they are different:
1. You need to be sure you know what B is.
2. You need to be sure you know what A is.
3. She needs to know you are going through all this.
A relationship is two people finding their rhythm. Other people can't conduct, they can only spectate and comment. It's not meant to be easy, but it is meant to feel good.
Good luck.
2007-03-18 16:11:13 · answer #6 · answered by Testaco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're seeing a good point.
It's okay if someone points something out in you that you realize you want to change. But don't change something just because someone else tells you to.
It's good to put people before you, but don't neglect yourself too much! Be careful you don't get taken advantage of.
I've had this very same question in my head, and whenever someone tells me something that suggests I need a change, I take the time to think long and hard. Do I want to change because it'll make me more like who I want to be, or would I just be changing to please them?
2007-03-18 16:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is very nice that you are always putting people before yourself for one. She shouldn't have dumped you. I know you probably still have feelings for her but if you move on, i know for a fact tons of girls out there would kill for a man as nice a you sound. Good luck with this =)
2007-03-18 16:08:38 · answer #8 · answered by Someone : ] ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you do something (lots of things) because and only because she wants you to you will only be doing it for her. it will be a fake you and you will struggle to maintain the "you" that she wants you to be. eventually the real you will fight to come out and it could be ugly. Consider if the things she wants you to do are things that you really need to be doing in your life.
2007-03-18 16:08:11 · answer #9 · answered by girlysledgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what she says.
Dont focus on her, focus on your career or education or health.
No one wants to commit to someone who has no direction in life and just does what someone tells them.
Show her you want a great future, go start working on it, and maybe she'll be willing to share it with you.
Good luck =)
2007-03-18 16:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by independent101 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes there are nothing that you can do, I don't know what to tell you about this situation but to say don't change yourself for anyone.
2007-03-18 16:07:18 · answer #11 · answered by Tummy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋