Is it wrong that i dont like to visit my parents, and my daughter does?

Question

my daughter is 3 years old and she always asks to go see her grandparents (my parents) but sometimes they work until late at night.
we live about 15 minutes away from them. we live in a small town while they live outside of this town in the country.
See i dont mind taking her out to see them but when we go out there I have nothing to do and become very much bored.
and she just absolutely loves them and would leave me in a heart-beat for them. if i drop her off and leave she ends up taking a nap at the wrong time which throws off her whole sleeping habits.
when i do go out there my mom just gets mad at me about dumb things too.
So what could i do?
they try to get mad at me about the way i "raise" my daughter also.
should they have a say?
i think that they had their chance in raising me and my siblings, right?

Answer 1

insist you have a million things to do and would they mind watchin her for a few hrs. that way you dont have to stay there and she gets to visit. plus u get some 'me' time.
WIN-WIN!

Answer 2

If you aren't raising her right, yes they should have a say. They are her grandparents,, but they should also be supportive and loving to you as their daughter. As parents get older most of the time they realize they did things wrong or should have done something different, and this is their way of telling you about learning from their mistakes. It sounds as if you need to take a book or maybe take your daughter for walks and play games with her when you say you are bored when you go to your parents house. Those are the only parents you have, and one day they will be gone. Give your daughter the chance to be with them and get to know them. After all, children come with no book on how to raise them, and parents do the best they can and make mistakes trying to raise their children. You may be making mistakes your parents can see you making. Does that make you a bad mother? No it doesn't. Just learn from the mistakes that you feel they made raising you and your siblings. As for the nap thing, tell them that it is important to keep your daughter on her schedule if at all possible, because the adjustment is hard on her when she returns home.

Answer 3

your the parent of your child, not them. grandparents are there to "spoil" the child, but that isn't always done correctly. I know what you mean about the napping thing, that sorta sucks. Maybe if you had a talk with you r parents and tell them you would appreciate her being kept on a correct sleep cycle, maybe they would understand. And when they say something about the way you raise your daughter, i would make it clear that you feel your doing the best you can do and i doubt your daughter is in any danger. They're just doing what your doing about your daughter. worrying. The elderly always think they know a thing or two more than the rest. very well be when your young, but your an adult, you can take care of your daughter!!!! Let them know,

Answer 4

When I was little, my mother didn't get along with her parents, but I loved them. We lived across the street, so you could imagine how much that annoyed her.
Well, my mom decided for her daughter (and sanity), she would set aside a special hour a week or every other week that would be for her child to stay with her parents. This way I didn't take naps and off set my night sleep (because I was only there for an hour or two hours) and she did not have to put up with her parents.
You could try something similar.

Answer 5

Make a day a week or every 2 weeks where your daughter does to her grandparents for the day and perhaps for a sleepover. The sleeping habits thing can be a royal pain, but keep in mind that she is getting to see them, which she loves, and you get to not have to be there, which you'd like.

They don't get a say in how you raise her. Practice saying things like, "Thank you for your concern." and leave it at that. It's not a subject up for discussion, so don't invite discussion. Acknowledge that the advice comes (hopefully!) from a loving place and that's all you need to do.

Answer 6

They have no right to critisize how you raise your daughter and if they can not be supportive of you emotionally they do not need to have contact with their granddaughter. After all your daughter needs to see you standing up for yourself, and should not see people constantly critisizing or berating you.

That being said, forget her sleep scheduel once a week and if they can behave drop your daughter off at their place, and take the chance to take a long nap and a nice hot bath.

Answer 7

This is so interesting. Is your daughter a day care baby? It's so rare for kids who aren't day care kids to prefer anyone to mommy. If your daughter really loves them why on earth would you deprive her of them? (it's still so mindboggling to imagine a child who would leave a mommy in a heart beat for grandparents. what are you doing wrong? maybe your mom has a point. maybe you're not a good mom. (how could you be if your daughter would rather be with someone else?)

i think you should go there and look and learn.

i also can't imagine going to my parents and being bored (tho, of course, I'm never bored, because one has to be pretty empty in the brain to ever be bored, right?)

sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself. in the meantime, give your daughter as much time as possible with these people who apparently know how to love her better than you do.

Answer 8

I am guilty of having the same attitude towards my parents...It has taken years of hurt feeling all the way around...but I have finally learned to bite my tongue and make that Sat afternoon visit...I chew my tongue half the time I'm there...but I think we should teach our children to overlook old peoples moodiness and concentrate on the wealth of knowledge and experience they have to offer....I feel like I owe it too my children , they are a part of them....if my parents get a little too grumpy ...i make an excuse and leave. That is not the kind of memories I want my children to have of them...I know this sounds kind of harsh but try your best to overlook it....they won't be around forever....good luck!!

Answer 9

Nothing wrong with it. I love my family but so tired to the drama that comes with visiting..... My son asks to go over there and I think of excuses all the time. I am actually running out so I guess we will just have to grin and bear it and if something negative starts to arise I will just have to pick up the keys and rev up the engine.

No worries my mom thinks my son is her son since he is the first grandson born and raised around her.

Answer 10

sounds like you have more reason then not wanting to go to your parents then just boredom. My family had me actually believing that my kids were 'family property'. I didn't feel respected as a family unit (single mom) and felt that they had rights to her. Since then I have moved away and told them to STOP. I am the mom. That is MY daughter. It is OUR life. That was 9 months ago and I still put them in their place for crossing bounderies over the phone and email. They are slowly losing their priveleges with their grandkids. That is sad, but it is the only thing that lets us be our own family. My daughter adores her grandma too... but suprisingly, since we moved, she has become more open, expressive and has even stopped temper tantrums! She has gained so much more confidence without people allowed in our lives that think mommy is messing up both her and your life. The situation with my family was really bad and inculded my ending up with anxeity attacks. Leaving was the best thing.. and surpirsingly so.. for my daughter too... who still adores grandma, but rarely sees her (I have told my mom that she did this to herself and can stop disrespecting us at any time she chooses... but she won't because her religion makes her believe that I am goign to hell)

Answer 11

Hi,
I know just how you feel!! My 3 teenagers' like going to visit my mother (I lost my Daddy in the 2000...God Bless him!!) and since my mother and I were never close because of the way she treated me while I was growing-up...for example, when I was young, my mother used to cheat on my dad...BIG TIME!! but she always told me that if I ever told my dad, my mother would beat me until I was black and blue...needless to say, I never mentioned to anyone that my mother slept around.
Then when I was11yrs old, my mother became pregnant with a set of twins, I loved the twins and I thought that they belonged to my dad but a test determined that they werent my dad's twins....My dad raised the twins on his own after my mother left my dad and her 3 kids' (me and the twins) my mother was never a good mom or a good wife!!
Anyway, to make a long story short, I hate going to my mother's home now. She is currently living with a man and her cheating history is too much for me to deal with when I see her...so I refuse to go and see her!!
Besides, my mother hates hearing the truth about her past and her new man thinks I'm lying about everything, he has told me several times "to forget the past" I think that, he has a lot of nerve telling me that when he doesnt know anything about me or about what my mother did back then to all of us!!
I'm really sorry for airing all this on here but Thank you for listening and for reading this.
I just wanted to let you know that your story is heartbreaking to me and that I hope things get better for you. Good luck and God Bless.
PS...just keep on doing what is right for you and your daughter and you will never go wrong!!