Father Gives Up Rights?

Question

Why would a father give up parental rights to a stepfather and my mother? They obviously filed a petition, but they didn't ask him to do anything - he did it with no objections whatsoever. He went to prison for most of my young life (white-collar drug crime) and I had to see alot of child therapists to cope. He wrote me and sent videotapes of him all the time, so it's not like he was wanting to get rid of me. I don't think he knew what to do with me once he got out, so he just signed the papers.

It's been bothering me and I'd very much like to contact him. I'm only 16, but my parents are very supportive of it if I'd want to. I'm afraid of the rejection. Do you think he'd want to and why would he give up the rights in the first place?

Thank you guys so much for answering. It's really helped me see that it's not me and that I shouldn't blame myself.

Answer 1

I'm sorry for the delema you are dealing with. I'm sure rejection has been on your mind since you mentioned therapists... Please know one thing..... When you close your eyes, remember the people that DO love you. Your natural father has made many mistakes in his life, and I'm sure he has many regrets. Don't let his mistakes control who you are. Literally keep your chin up high, where you are from isn't who you are. Your natural father made a mistake, forgive him for his ignorance, as he again has made many mistakes in his life. One of the best things he ever did was father you..... Just think of this wonderful gift he gave you and forgive his shortcomings..... You will be better for it.

Answer 2

Sounds like he knew what he was doing would be the best thing for you. Don't hold it against him. I'm sure you had a better childhood with a stepdad at home rather than explaining when kids asked where your Dad was, that he was in prison....that would have made your life very difficult.
Why not write him since your parents support you and see if he's willing to have a meeting with you and you can ask him then. I'm sure he had your best interests at heart.

Answer 3

A good Dad makes sacrifices for his child. He probably felt you would be better off without being linked to him legally. Another reason could be to no longer owe child support. Do you know why your mom filed the petition? Does she believe you are better off without anymore drama? It was tramatic for you as a child, maybe she wanted to protect you. Maybe she preferred having the option of when you saw your Dad, instead of him having the right to pick you up every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend.
By your father giving up legal rights, that does NOT mean he gave those rights to your step-father. You Mother has always had those rights.
I asked my child's bio-father to agree to visitation ONLY when mutually agreed upon. He wasn't seeing her at the time. It gave me peace. I didn't have to worry that some 1,3 or 5 weekend on any given Fri. at 6pm that he might ring the door bell to take her when she didn't know who he was. After he left his then wife, he showed back up. My child was glad that I allowed her to see him when she wanted, but if she was mad at him she could say we had plans. She was free to make plans with her friends, instead of waiting around 2 to 3 wknds a month when he didn't show up.
The entire time your father was in prison, the child support he owed was still racking up. So he came out to a huge debt, that if he didn't pay on regularly, could get him into legal trouble. There are probably things about your Dad that your mother knows about that you don't, and she knew he would sign, giving up visitation but also no longer owing child support. That way she could protect you.
I would ask her. She was willing to give up financial support for him to sign away his rights, so I am sure she loves you.
As for the rejection aspect, you Mom could call him for you and ask how he feels about contact.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

They usually give up their rights, because they know the stepfather would make a better parent and care for you better than they could.

Being that he was in prison, he will more than likely end up there, or not find a good enough job to make his support payments and survive.

I don't think it's cause he doesn't love you. he does........he just felt your step dad could do better by you and he was ashamed as a man.

Answer 5

The only person you'd really be able to get answers from is your dad himself. But, my humble opinion is that he feels that your mother and step father will do a better job with you than he could and wants to try to spare you the pain that he is dealing with. He did a very difficult and brave thing, and in the long run, it was probably the best thing for you.

Answer 6

Maybe he felt that he didnt have anything to offer you or that you would look down on him because of his past. Or maybe he thought that your stepdad would be a better role model. I dont think he meant any harm, cause if he did, he wouldnt have tried to make any contact with you when he was locked up. I think that you should let him know how you feel. It looks like you both need eachother to get through this.

Answer 7

Perhaps he gave up his rights because he thought it would be the best thing for you. It doesn't mean that he doesn't still love you. If you want to contact him, I think you should. Let him know how you feel about him. Give him the opportunity to explain his side of the story. Then, you can have closure.

Answer 8

I had a friend who gave up his parental rights. It's different for everyone. But like the other two have said, your father has the answers. Maybe you won't like the answer, but at least you will know if you ask him. Hang in there.

Answer 9

The only person who can answer all your questions is your father. He might have done, because he thought you would have a better life. I don't know but he does..be brave and ask him otherwise you will never know for sure and it will always bother you.. Good luck.