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I got engaged to him after about a year and a half of pretty much online dating(we knew each other from school, but he has been stationed overseas). I THOUGHT it was what I wanted, but now I am realizing(VERY late), that it is just what everyone else wanted and I do not want to be with him. He is a wonderful guy, so I do not know what to do. He is in the Marines, and about to be deployed to Iraq so I want to wait until I can see him again which gives me about a year to think about how I am going to let him down.

2007-03-18 15:47:21 · 22 answers · asked by mitchemcl 1 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

22 answers

If the tables were turned . . . wouldn't you expect to be hurt by hearing news as that. Point is that a person's feelings will get hurt...accept that.

Are you willing to not be true to your own feelings for the sake of not hurting his ? Yes, we need to be attentive, thoughtful and compassionate with others...Yet, just as important to look out after our own well being...be our own friend, our own nurturer.

Would you want another to keep your heart in a ' fog ' and to behaving false to your emotions. Do him a favor and very delicately release him so he can heal and move on. And, don't hold your own self emotional hostage by staying in a relationship that is not real.

And, something to be aware of in the future . . . With love comes responsibility...With engagement comes responsibility to what you are stepping into. Think about that as you mature and move more into your adulthood.

Don't mess with the heart . . . Anothers or your own.
.

2007-03-18 15:55:40 · answer #1 · answered by onelight 5 · 0 0

tell him nicely dont come out of ur face n jus say o i dont want to b with u...Jus sit him dwn or since u cant do that jus tell him face 2 face when u do c him that u love him but ur not in love with him. That u care for him as a friend that should work. He'll be hurt yeah but not that bad u understand where Im comin from sweety jus try that. Because if ur not ready then dont do it u will b sorry if u do do it without wanting 2 ok bye sweety good luck

2007-03-18 15:54:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Good for you for realizing that this is not what YOU want. It must be a very hard realization but it is better to know this now than after you are married. I am not sure that there is anything you can say to make it any easier on him. I would suggest that you do it sooner than later though, "pull the bandaid" so to speak. It is not fair to him for you to fake it through the next year. Good luck.

2007-03-18 15:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by girlysledgirl 3 · 0 0

If you are not in love with him you need to tell him. If I were you I would tell him that you had sometime to think about it and you feel you would rather try dating for a while before you settle down. If you are in school and getting a degree in college you can say that you would rather wait until you got your degree and start a stable career before getting married. But next time you need to be with someone for a much longer time before you can commit to someone like that. Best of Luck.

2007-03-18 15:52:25 · answer #4 · answered by Magnolia 2 · 0 0

This reminds of a topic that this dude made that wanted to decrease the legal age to marry to 12. I would use this as an example against. Ppl, even as old as 17, are'nt ready to make decisions that big. You're gonna have to talk to his family and friends about it first. And then tell him. And it wont be possible not to completely crush him. its just something he'll have to accept.

2007-03-18 15:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by Danny S 5 · 0 0

Think about your decision your young why not have a long engagement. Good men are hard to find. The mistake may be leaving and not getting married. I made that mistake once but mine was in the navy;

2007-03-18 15:51:31 · answer #6 · answered by Aztec_Angel 3 · 0 0

Look you were only 16 when you got engaged. If he is really a man then he can take it. But let him down easy. Don't get engaged so fast, what happened to promise rings, and going steady?

2007-03-18 15:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by Mary Lou 5 · 0 0

I dont think you should wait that long. He cant go to Irag thinking his coming back to be with you that will crush him more than ever you need to tell him ASAP as unfortunately there is no nice or easy way of doing it. Just tell him the truth... I know you dont want to hurt his feelingsb ut no matter what you say he will be hurt.

I hope you sort it out

good luck! :)

2007-03-18 15:51:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Do not wait and let him down when he comes back. He will be waiting for you and anticipating being with you the WHOLE TIME. I would give him an idea that you are not so sure of marrying him ASAP. The longer you wait the more painful it is.

2007-03-18 15:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by msbrittnay 2 · 0 0

I think you're absolutely correct to wait until you see him in person again.

Meanwhile, instead of thinking about this, why not work on your schooling, your preparation for a career, and building your regular friendships?

There's always time for love later, and you'll never get a 'first time' to start your life again.

2007-03-18 15:51:09 · answer #10 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0 0

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