My church's Pastors' wife behaves rudely towards several members of the congregation, plz read rest...

Question

My husband and I are not sure how to hold her "accountable" as our church calls it when people sin or behave badly, what is the most polite way to go about this. This is the PASTOR'S WIFE....and he is a wonderful Pastor. Any ideas? Plz serious answers only. I love my church and don't want any hurt feelings.

Answer 1

I think the best course of action would be to pray for her and go to her(in the right spirit of course) and tell her the way you feel. If she does not act any better,continue to pray and then I would say something to the Pastor. If that still does not help, then I would just continue to pray for her. She is the Pastor's wife not Jesus. We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God. While she should be a beacon to the rest of the body of Christ in her walk with God, still she is just a woman. May God Bless U.

Answer 2

Well this is a sticky wicket to say the least. I believe there is little chance of avoiding hurt feelings, especially if the wife perceives this as an attack, or refuses to see herself in this light. You made it sound like a repetitive theme so I think it is likely that she will not see your point. Had the offense be a one time deal or even a couple of situational issues.

Now it does not matter if it is THE Pastor's wife or not. In fact her relationship makes the offense even more of a negative. I know wives are human even a Pastor's, but she is seen in a different light and for good or ill can affect the ministry of the husband.

So, back to the question at hand. The Bible sets certain rules for confronting a believe that has strayed. First, approach her alone and tell her how her comments hurt you or seemed inappropriate when you heard her speak to others. If she repents or seeks to fix the problem all is well and no need to continue.

Second, If she does not see your side of it, get a group of elders together with offended parties and try to have it out in as orderly fashion as able. Hopefully it goes no further.

The last one I doubt will become an option and that is to set her outside the Church. I would suspect that the Pastor would resign at this point and your problem would be solved and a great rift in your Church will occur and need to be healed. The Pastor COULD tell her to stay home and keep her from Church until she get her attitude right or divorce her though both seem unlikely.

But, if you get this far it might be time to decide how bad is her attitude? Is it worth leaving yourself? If the Pastor and the elders refuse to take her to task or even listen to your concerns is it worth staying?

I do not envy you, but I know two young ministers with unpleasant wives and of the two only one might would take her to task. I pray they have changed but I doubt it.

Answer 3

First you go to her in private one-on-one expecting that she does not know how she is coming across or may have a problem that is making her hurt inside and lash out on the outside.

Perhaps you should get to know her first and find out what is happening in her heart. It could be that if people start befriending her and she feels more loved by others you may never have to correct her behavoir. Or you may be able to minister to the root cause of her rudeness.

The next step would be to schedule a meeting with her and her husband. But I pray this will never be necessary.

Answer 4

I would say there is a misunderstanding and that you should go to her when she is alone and tell her what you heard. Perhaps you misunderstood or perhaps she has reasons beyond what you know, but you need to talk to her directly.

If she behaves the same way with you, or denies being rude at all, then it is time to go to the board of deacons and tell them of this problem. Let them be the ones to decide the course of action. Perhaps they can give some fresh insight as well.

The thing is, you need to do it in love and not be accusatory.

Answer 5

Great question- tough question.
Here's the main thing you need to ask yourself-
Do you really want to solve this? Or what is the result you hope to achieve?

If you truly want to solve this problem- you need to go to her and say something like this, "I am sure you didn't mean to say this, but when you said "this" it came off a little rude." It is true that you need to talk to her directly.

Here's your other option- you go to other church members and gather information- see if others have the same issue- If you do this you are going to ruin your church. It happens all time time. I work at a church and it makes me angry when I feel like people act like their on an elementry playground. I want people to come to me- Now- if she doesn't respond to you, ask her husband- and if that doesn't work- can you go to your elder board?

Answer 6

The offended person should confront her. if she does not repent, then 2 or 3 should confront her. if she does not repent-then bring the situation up during the church service in front of the whole congregation. That is the way Jesus taught it.

Answer 7

You need to explain a little bit more, in regards to what the Pastors wife is doing. Then we can help you.

Answer 8

put it in God's hands that is what the bible says. my pastor was talking about that today. he said that when he used to work at a bank one of his coworkers was giving him trouble, he even tried to get him fired. but my pasto put in God's hands and one day the man broke his waist playing golf and my pastor hasn't seen him since. you could also try praying and talking to your pastor about it. if your pastor's wife is a faithful wife she will listen to him for the bible says that wives should be obedient to their husbands. but whatever you do, don't lose faith in God Almighty!!!