How do you rekindle a relationship with a sibling who used to be an addict?

Question

My sister is a recovering drug addict. Growing up I knew never to trust her. She's younger than I am and was wild, I was the exact opposite. She starting drinking by the time she was 11, was using had drugs by 16. I was the one she called when she overdosed when she was 21 (our parents lived far away). We fought all the time growing up, my parents thought I was just jealous because she was the pretty popular one, but I knew so much more about her. She's been in recovery where my parents live for over 3 years. I'm very proud of her for doing this, but I'm having such a hard time learning to trust her. I only see her about once a year, we talk on the phone and email fairly regularly, and I don't know how to start trusting her again. She has proven over and over to my parents that she's now trustworthy, she has a job, she's doing well in college, she's a much nicer person all around. How do I change my attitude about her?

Answer 1

To begin with your sister will always be an addict, the difference is she is in recovery.

Trust will take time, it didn't take three years for her to damage her relationship with you. You can not and she can not expect things to get back to normal over night.

I have been in recovery 15 years, and there are still members of my family that don't trust me, I go into their bathroom and they are in there shortly after wards to make sure nothing is gone. This isn't something that I can blame on them I am the one who caused the distrust by my drinking and drugging.

Give it time you can get there, but just be aware that the statistics of someone maintaining clean time the first time around is small don't be overly untrusting, if she is truly in recovery she is going to understand that trust from family members will take time.
And yes even though I said people staying in recovery the first time around is small also know that it does happen.

Good Luck and One Day at a Time

Answer 2

I understand your feeling about your sister. If I were you, I would have a hard time accepting the fact that I have to trust her as a sister. The thing is you DON'T have to trust her if you don't feel comfortable. All you have to do is wait until she is fully recovered and then you can talk to her and try to heal your relationship with her. Dont force it all at once. Problems like this can take many years to heal. All you have to do is give yourself and your sister time to work things out together. If you two end up not getting along, don't blame yourself or her. That is life sometimes. If things work out, you will have a better relationship like never before, I promise. It is important that you do have a mature talk with her because after your parents die one day, she will be your only blood relative, as friends come and go.

Good Luck and I hope things will work out good for the both of you.

Answer 3

First, you have to forgive her of all the things that happened between the two of you so many years ago. It's not hard to forgive and let by goners be just that. Love can and will change things. Be happy for her. Also, just talk it out with her. No matter how challenging it may be. No one's past is squeaky clean. I am not saying change will come over night, but it will put you back on track and give you the relationship you want to have with your sister.

Answer 4

I am not sure I understand what you mean by "trust". If you mean will she steal from you? Or do you mean that she may lie and break your heart? The stealing is easy, just don't give her any money or let her near your possessions. I suspect that is not what you mean by trust. I think you mean can you trust her not to go back to drugs or booze again. That is a trust she has to earn every day. But you should give her that chance if you want to be her sister.

Answer 5

You can start by letting her know she can earn her trust back by earning it from you. Tell her you will trust her until she gives you reason not to trust her anymore. Start with taking her out to eat every once in a while and talking with her. Prayers also work miracles. Turn this problem over to the Lord and ask for his guidance. He will never steer you wrong.

Answer 6

Well we can all stray at any point. She has done her straying at a young age and will turn into a great person. You should really learn to trust her, you never know when you will need her help. You could go off the rails too at sone point and you may need her. Forgive and love your sister.

Answer 7

A person in recovery can only show you through their actions that they have made a change in their lives, as relatives of these people it is hard for us to make this acceptance, especially if we have been lied to and had our trust trampled on. It sounds like she may be on the path to better herself and the only way to show you is through the steps you mentioned, and proud of her ,you should be. In the back of your mind you will always have this perception of her, you need to go forward with caution and make yourself available to her, she has not forgotten what you have done for her in her trials and tribulations in her past and given the chance she will thank you. Experience gives us wisdom.

Answer 8

Just remember that you can only trust today, tomorrow takes care of itself, In other words one day at a time and caution
is wisdom in hind sight

Answer 9

Fixing the relationship won't happen overnight.
Give it time and try to forget the past and let your sister prove herself now.
Using the past against her will stop the mending of your relationship.
Good luck.

Answer 10

you still shouldn't trust her, no offense, but you dn't want her to backslide and you get caught in the middle. go to counseling together and start over but don't let your guard down.