how do I build my confidence?

Question

I am 19 and I have never had a boyfriend I have never even been kissed. I am so terrified when it comes to guys. I met a guy a club a few weeks ago and danced with him, he wants me to meet him a club this weekend. I know I should go, I should not let my fears take over my life but how do i build up my confidence? I don't want to be miserably anxious and nervous! I feel i have so low self esteem? What can I do?

Answer 1

Don't worry. There are many tips to help you to build your self esteem.

10 steps to improve your self esteem.

1. Force yourself to look yourself in the mirror, even if it is painful.
2. Look at yourself deeply in the mirror. Say all of the things that you hate about yourself.
3. Turn around slowly 3 times and repeat "I love myself" 3 times. Give yourself a big hug. You might feel silly, but it's ok!
4. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Smile as big as you can, even if it looks weird.
5. Write all of the pros about yourself.
6. Then on a different piece of paper list down all of the cons about yourself.
7. Read the cons. Next to each con, write how you can solve it. For example, you might have written that you are fat. Then you can write that you are going to have healthy eating habits. Be specific- don't just write "I'm ugly". Write what you think is "ugly" it might be crooked teeth, bulging eyes, fat lips etc.
8. Be active- it will cleanse your mind and it is healthy. Even a short walk around the block with your iPod is ok! Do it daily, and stick to it.
9. If you are bullied, it's time to tell someone you can trust- your parents, school councellor, etc. It's not "dobbing". It is simply doing the right thing. You have no right to feel hurt in any way, physically or mentally. The best way to stop bullies from bullying is to overkill them with kindness. Smile even if they say mean things. Be kind and helpful. NEVER show your anger or sadness.
10. Don't be a bully yourself! Don't even gossip! You might be tempted to, but stop right there.


Important: * Don't compare yourself to others- you are you. Be the best that you can be.

Answer 2

You are headed for trouble if you have not had the expereinc. Meeting guys at hte club are not good choices since you are new to all this. Your feelings are not under control and you could think that you are suppose to be doing something that you are not and end up getting hurt the process.
Is the club kind of guy you are looking for?
Why not meet at a coffee shop and talk or dinner or lunch. If youget disrespected then it is hard to turn it back around!
Be careful and take you time. There is no shame into your not having the DNA of half the state on your lips.

Answer 3

Flirt with more people. I would try to keep it within the range of people that you could get because it is more satisfying that way. Just talk to more guys and work slowly at being more flirtatious. Also know that you are probably not very good at flirting because a lot of it is about self confidence so you will have a hard time getting over the first hump where it makes you feel worse about yourself at the beguining of a conversation. Just know that you have control over the situation and can stop it any time you want, if you avoid people that are ****** up. Talk to guys in line even if you don't think they are in your range. If they are not interested in you then you can just have a conversation. Also try reading this. http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

Answer 4

Trust your inner strength, always tell your self your beautiful because to most people you are. I have the same problem few years ago and Im 17 now and im learning to be more confidence and independent. Try to look at positive things and dont care about what other people think because thats always the issue when you have low self esteem.
Be proud of what you have and dont have. And try and be more sociable and open up a lil when you talk to a guy but dont be TOO OPEN though.
Good luck!

Answer 5

The only way to get over your fears is to go. I know it's hard--I've been there! I was totally freaked out starting this relationship with a guy who I'd liked for awhile. But I just stuck myself into the situation fully, and turns out he liked me too!

The only way to get over your fear is to face it. It's hard, but force yourself. It'll work--don't worry!

Also, if it helps, try looking in the mirror and telling yourself only what you like about yourself. Don't forget the emotional and character qualities as well! Hold your own eyes when you do this and you'll gain some confidence. It really does help, as silly as it sounds!

Good luck!

Answer 6

To build confidence set goals for yourself, short term and long term. Then make a plan for reaching your goals, check off your progress as you to little things to reach your goals.

As far as your confidence with guys. Look at yourself and pick out your best features. Focus on all the positive strengths you have physical, mental, emotional.... Work on putting these strengths out there for everyone to see and admire about you.

Find a supportive group of friends to hang out with and try to be around people who are positive. Don't hang out with people who criticize others all the time.

Answer 7

just try and let go just realize that there is not soo much in relationships it doesn't have to be so nerve racking. If things dont work out you can move on and probably wont see him again but go in with the attitude that it will work and dont worry about your inexperience there is only one way to get experience and that is to just go do it

Answer 8

just me yourself!
don't mind what other people will tell against you.

this will sound crazy!
look at the mirror and say "I'M BEAUTIFUL, I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL TELL AGAINST ME"..

Face your fears! you will not be successful if your fear will be the one to catch you! OK?