Why does my toddler act this way and how do I get him to stop???

Question

My 2 1/2 year old son is hell on wheels--he hears just fine (had it checked by the doctor) but refuses to listen. He will stand right there next to the oven and hear me say do not touch over and over again only to have him touch the oven. He does this with pushing the tv, chasing the cat, running without looking (we live on a very busy street) etc. Time outs don't work, yelling at him doesn't work, even spanking doesn't get through to him. He gets plenty of play time and one on one attention--good attention, but he does everything he can to get into trouble. Now he has reverted back to eating his bed before bedtime--he used to be called beaver because he ate all the wood off the ends of his crib. This is not normal but the doctor says he is just being 2. I am going nuts with this kid. HELP!!

Answer 1

It's called "Terrible Twos" Just wait for the "Frustrating Fours"

Answer 2

He's VERY healthy. And, rearing to go. Be consistent, firm and calm. It's exhausting with two-year olds, especially the VERY healthy ones. The "beaver" part of your question, though, suggests a wee bit more than teething and normal rambunctiousness. He could be frustrated from not having enough ways to expend his energy and control his destiny. You need to wear this child down a few times to see what happens. Swimming lessons and running along wide-open beaches are good. Also, if possible, take his favorite riding toy to a HUGE open space, like an empty parking lot on a Sunday, or, a quiet mall or a big gym or even a public courthouse, somewhere with high ceilings. Let him run unabated and ride until he's all worn out. Hot bath after wards, story time, etc., then bed. See how he is the next day. My own son needed a dose of this "unfettered openness" about once a week to keep him frustration "free". Naturally, limit sugary foods to avoid sugar highs.

Answer 3

it's just being 2

and even though he's only 2 try sitting down and telling him that he can get hurt and that would make you very sad

if that doesnt work just ignore him unless it's dangerous

as for the cat let him chase it if the cat has a problem with it then the cat will tell him and he'll never do it again/
for the bed he could be popping those last couple teeth
give him a snack before bed and maybe move him to a toddler bed (my daughter is same age and in a tot bed and does great in it)

Answer 4

I'm sorry. That's not easy. I work with preschoolers with behavior problems, so maybe I can help. First, remember that no one acts in isolation. You already understand this as you have tried to change your behavior (yelling, spanking, timeouts) to get his behavior to change. In this case, it's time to try something else as you acknowledge these things aren't working. So, first, stop the yelling and stop the spanking.

You need to try to play detective and figure out WHY he is doing these things. When children do things like this it is either to GET something or to get OUT of something. He may be trying to get attention, a toy, or something like that. Remember, he is NOT doing everything he can to 'get into trouble' he's doing everything he can for some other reason. What is it that he is trying to get or get out of?

My guess is attention. Even negative attention can be reinforcing to a child. How much 'good' attention is he getting? What kind of 'attention'? Is it where he gets to lead the play and be the boss, or is it play where the adult is more demanding and trying to 'teach' (e.g. 'what color is this?' 'how many are there?') the child. Make sure that when playing, you follow his lead. Do what he wants. Do not try to direct or run the play. Let him do that. Kids need control and this is a great place to give it to him. Copy what he does and watch for his engagement level. How much of this 'good' attention does he get? It must be quality and it must be for a good amount of time. So...perhaps attention is not what he is seeking...the bed eating sounds like a sensory issue perhaps. He may be trying to get sensory input with this behavior.

Anyway...figure out the function of his not listening to you first. At the same time, you may need to change the way you give directions. Try telling him what you WANT him to do instead of what you DON'T want him to do. Say things like, "Keep your hands down, it's hot" instead of "Don't touch it" or "Hands off the TV, please", or "We watch the cat....you can pet it if you want." Always telling him what he CAN do. Then, the moment after you give the direction of what to do and he listens and follows the direction, praise and encourage him. Say things like "WOW! You kept your hands down. That's just what I asked you to do! Thank you!" Be specific in your praise and try to avoid the generic "good job". Tell him exactly what he did that was 'good'. "Wow! You pet the cat! I liked how you were so gentle and safe with it." Things like that.

Please remember this...It's not about 'getting through to him' or him 'not listening'...it's more likely that the interactions the two of you have need to change. And since he is only 2, it's up to you to make those changes to have more positive interactions. It is more about the relationship than about this child.

Answer 5

Have you had him evaluated for ADHD? What is your parenting style? When he acts out do you dicipline him without giving him the reason for the dicipline? Children will react better to dicipline if you make them understand what it is they're doing wrong. For example: If he throws a toy and hits someone with it, take that toy away and tell him that he hurt someone and will not get that toy back until he can play with it safely.

Answer 6

# 1 he is a boy
# 2 he is active
#3 he is a new human being, he has lots to learn and see
Keep your eye on him. Run everywhere with him. Be his mommy. Dont' scold him for being curious. You've had decades to see everything. He's only had since he started walking.

Answer 7

I read somewhere once about ignoring the bad behavior (well, unless he is going to hurt himself) and then giving much praise for the good behavior.

I feel your pain, I have a child the same age who can be ahem, quite a handful .

Answer 8

my friend taught me something when i babysat her kids and im so glad i learned it on some days.. my son has his days also, its all about testing how far they can go. mines 4 now (and ill agree on the fustrating fours) however when time out wouldn't work i pulled one out of my sleeve and caught him by surprise.. I take my son to the bathroom and put him in the shower fully clothed and turn it onto slighty colder then room temp.. you'll probally have to hold him still for the first 20 seconds or so but usually mines first gets mad then calms when he knows i'm not gonna let him go until hes calmed down (about 20 seconds to a minute). he gets upset about his clothing being wet but as soon as hes calm and ready to listen i let him out and reclothe him and then talk to him (remember at his age short sentences is best for him to understand and another thing, yelling makes him focus on your anger more then your words so try to be calm and willing to listen to him also) i agree with alot of the advice above also, this is kind of a last resort if nothing else is working at the moment.

Answer 9

sounds like it. he is acting out because of all the attention you give him. bad attention that is. leave him alone and let him find out on his own what the consequences of his actions are. i am not saying to let him have free roam to get into things and possibly get hurt, but as long as you are consantly riding his "arss" about don't do this, don't do that, he'll do it. it's a game to him. he likes to see you react. ingnore this type of behavior and when he finally leaves things alone on his own, praise him for it, that he did it b/c he knows to, not b/c mommy had to tell him. and don't ever let your ground down. stick to what you do, punishment wise and he'll soon learn. good luck to you. terrible two's only become threating three's and foul mouthed four's and so on...heehee.

Answer 10

he just seems like a really stubborn kid. i don't know what to say, if you've tried everything.

i don't really know how it is. so, i'm just assuming and making suggestions.

maybe instead of raising your voice all the time and having to yell. try to keep your voice normal or quiet. will he listen then? i don't know...