How can I get my four children to respect me?

Question

Their ages are boy 15, girl 13, boy 9, boy 9. HELP

I have a good relationship with my children. I know that they love me but respect is another issue. I do think I am too lenient with them. All of their friends want to come over to our house and hang out and I thought this was a good thing since I am able to keep an eye on them. Maybe I am too nice and giving to them. My husband works all the time and most of the parenting is on me. When he is here he's so tired he's real short with them. There is a lot of yelling in our house. I listen to them and let them know that they can come to me if they ever have a problem or just need to talk. I want them to see me as their parent more than they see me as a friend. Got any new advice?

Answer 1

Bless you for opening your home to their friends. That's definately a step in the right direction!

My first question is: are you clear on when you feel your boundaries are violated? In other words, when the kids do something disrespectful do you question yourself like, "was that really disrespectful or is it just me?"

I think the first thing to do is to be really clear on what you understand is respectful or not so you can communicate that to them.

Is yelling okay? Is name calling? Trust yourself. If it feels disrespectful to you, then it's disrespectful - period. So, decide on what you need from them and then work on communicating that.

You might sit down with them and have a conversation about respect so you can develop some family guidelines and they can learn about this (which is GREAT for their future relationships and learning about boundaries for themselves).

Let them know what you expect, remind them when they forget and if they keep up a disrespectful behavior, then deliver a natural consequence.

The parenting book I use all the time is, "Parenting with Love and Logic." It's a technique to teach kids about responsibility and respect and also puts the parents and the kids on the same side.

Answer 2

Children at most ages look for guidance and discipline and if you start doing this at an earlier age, it is even better. Set down some guidlines and consequences for those guidlines being broken and stick to them. Before long they will begin to see you the mother and not just a friend. You need to be consistant with this. Don't let up on them when children see they can manipulate you the game is over and you have lost. You need to set them straight at the onset. Make clear your role as Mom and their's as children. Decide on what punishment befits the crime and stick to it. I will be praying for you and God Bless being a mom or dad is a tough job but God won't give you more then you can handle. Proverbs 22:15 please read.

Answer 3

I'm not going to lie, it's going to be extremely difficult for you to have your children start respecting you at their ages if they haven't all their lives. I don't know what your relationship is with any of them, but you can try doing this:
You first need to sit down and think about why they don't respect you: Are you too lenient? Do you allow them to walk all over you? Do you listen to them? Do you allow them to talk back to you? Do you not follow through with punishment?
I'd then set a goal for yourself to try and change your ways. Be FIRM and DON'T GIVE IN! Remind yourself that you are the mother and you're in charge. Like i said, i can't give too much advice since i don't know your relationships with them. Post another question with a little more detail and I'd be more than happy to help! Good Luck!

Answer 4

Respect is always something that is earned. You earn it by being consistent in your love as well as your discipline. You can loose control totally by trying to be more of a friend than a parent. Do what is best for your children. Don't allow yelling. It breeds more and more violence and yelling. Sometimes when you have a teen, you have to take the tough line and set the standard that they are too young to set themselves. It willl make you the big meany but in the long run, you will be protecting your children and earning their respect in years to come. Consistency is soooooo important. Make your rules and make them fair and them tell them to your kids and keep the rules in play and in force. Reward their good behavior. Brag on their mature decisions and choices. Remember you are the adult and they are the children.

Answer 5

First you give respect then you set guidelines and rules. If you follow them and they are reasonable, the kids will fall in line.

Answer 6

i think you need jo jo