I started going farther with my boyfriend than i have ever gone with anyone...what does the Bible and God say?

Question

My boyfriend is always 5 hours away from me at college, and I went to spend the weekend with him at his parent's home. Last night, even though he and I talked about our "limits" before anything ever happened, we went farther than we planned. We didn't have intercourse, but we did do oral. Now its like, I know I should feel badly that I did this, I've grown up in a Christian home and school and know that you should save yourself for your future mate - but I think this guy is the one. We have been together only a few months, but I've known him most of my life. I love him more than anyone else. I know that God says no sex before marriage, but this was only oral. Neither of us have ever done that with anyone else, so im not worried about STD's. But if I know its wrong because God says so, why do I not feel badly? Why do I feel like I dont care, and what can I do to work my way through the emotions for him and find what God wants me to do?

Answer 1

I say educate yourself about STD's and relationships. Discard superstition.

Answer 2

Well, there are two reasons for this.

First of all, you're a victim of "young love". You're so wrapped up in each other all you can see or feel is your emotions and attraction for each other. So its not abnormal that you don't feel guilty for the things that you've done. Also, the fact that you aren't feeling guilty probably means that you are mature enough to deal with expressing these emotions physically -- most girls who aren't ready feel upset, guilty, or dirty after they've "experimented".

Second of all, you're still technically a virgin. Anything else you do isn't equal to having intercourse for the first time, no matter what anyone says about oral sex still being sex. There is a difference, especially for girls. On top of that, it seems like you don't get to see each other as often as you'd like, so when you do see him ... your feelings just explode! :)

No one expects you to be perfect, not even God. You are the only person who can make the decision whether or not to wait until marriage. You have to be the one to decide how important it is to you, both physically and spiritually. If its really important to you to wait, then you both probably need to back off and not spend the night together. If you're already pushing the limits of how far you've decided you want to go, you have to understand that there is no turning back!

I wasn't a virgin when I met the man who is now my husband. Sure, I wish that I would have waited ... but its not a big deal to either of us (he was married once before). Just consider everything if you decide to go farther. God wants us to wait, but he loves us regardless. Good luck to you, dear!

Answer 3

The first thing is to not fool yourself. Oral sex is sex. It became sex one you started crossing the limits you both agreed on. Jesus says that even when we look upon another to have sex, we have committed adultery. So really, sex is a matter of the heart rather than a worldly definition.
You need to do a heart check. Have you truly accepted Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior? Or are you following just because you were raised that way? Can you think back to a time you asked Jesus in? If not, do so now and be cleansed. If you have, stop compromising with sin. If your boyfriend and you cannot keep your hands off each other, seperate, or get married.

Let us define what "sin" is. It is an old English word in archery that means "missed the mark". If you did not hit the bullseye, you were called a "sinner". Now there are many sins (little s and plural) but there is only one Sin (capitol S and singular). Sin is a positional state that separates you from God. When Christ died, He saved us from Sin. That is, the positional state of being "in Sin" has been eliminated. Now do we continue to commit sins? Yes. It is hard to walk in this world and not get your feet dirty. 1 John 1:8 states,

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us."

However, now, because of Jesus, we can have a daily cleansing...

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

We are now clean.

If you still feel bad, just emerse yourself in the Word and let it cleanse you day after day. And do not surrender your body to unrighteousness again. Keep it clean till marriage.

Answer 4

When human beings reach a certain point on life, they're called upon to make certain choices. Some choices are inherently more risky than others.

I'm not suggesting the following passage deals with sexual sin, but the concept and the mind set, has never changed:

Gen 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtle tha any of the beasts of the earth which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman: Why hath God commanded you, that you should not eat of every tree of paradise?
Gen 3:2 And the woman answered him, saying: Of the fruit of the trees that are in paradise we do eat:
Gen 3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of paradise, God hath commanded us that we should not eat; and that we should not touch it, lest perhaps we die.
Gen 3:4 And the serpent said to the woman: No, you shall not die the death.
Gen 3:5 For God doth know that in what day soever you shall eat thereof, your eyes shall be opened: and you shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil.
Gen 3:6 And the woman saw that the tree was good to eat, and fair to the eyes, and delightful to behold: and she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave to her husband, who did eat.

Lust changes a person's outlook on life, at least until life turns around and slaps them in the face, or worse, delivers a blow to the stomach.

If you're not old enough to get married to this fellow, you're much better off waiting until you are, then playing this very risky game ... no matter how much fun it may seem to be at the moment ... or how "right" it may feel.

Actions have consequences ... and many times those consequences are both very serious and totally unforeseen.

God's position on this has always been clear.

Sexual activity between unmarried persons is objectively sinful.

Long experience has proven that it's also not very smart.

Answer 5

What does God say?

2 Timothy 2:20 Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. 21 Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. 22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

It's not like God is angry with you and wants to kick you out of the Kingdom or anything. What you describe happens to young Christians all of the time and God understands our weaknesses.

That doesn't mean that He approves of our slips. No, He says like a loving Father to his precious sons and daughters that He doesn't condemn us but to go our way and sin no more.

From now on don't walk along the edge of the pit of sin seeing how close you can get without sliding in, but set reasonable safeguards and boundaries on your meeetings with your boyfriend. Make sure that you two are not alone in a place where such a thing can happen again. When temptation comes, RUN the other way in Jesus' name, amen!

And if you and your boyfriend are both true believers then consider this passage.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Answer 6

Don't be fooled. STDs can be transfered orally. I know of several that have had ghonnoreah of the mouth etc.

It sounds like you do have a problem with what you did. You can be forgiven. If you continue you will probably continue to have discomfort.

Love is very much like drugs, it causes chemical reactions in our brains and bodies www.newscientist.com. We will do anything to get the fix. The right one is only known after the honeymoon effect has worn off (always does) and real life is experienced. Try not to let it go to your head.

If you justify this then next time you will most likely throw out all rules and go all the way and there are many dangers in that. Many will encourage you to just do it. Don't buy the lie.

Answer 7

If you uncover yourself to each other you are married? So I hope he doesn't feel badly, because if he or you find others now you are both in adultery.

Has he asked you and have you accepted? Then you are married.
Has he taken you to wife? Then you are married.
Have you uncovered yourselves to each other? Then you are married.

Your problem now is staying together and not going off with someone else unless one or the other of you dies. Anything but these conditions would be adultery.

There is nothing in the Bible prohibiting sex before marriage, because having sex is a marriage in God's eyes. So you don't miss it, it is impossible to have sex before marriage. Think about it.

God doesn't mess around. He holds us to our word and/or our actions. Most of the rest of the marriage scene is traditional or social and about making some really big bucks off the two of you. The only 'good' thing is the blood test for disease and to make sure your types are compatible for children.

Be sure and let hubby read this. Let me be the first to congratulate him and wish you both the best.

Answer 8

Oral sex is also sex. You don't feel bad because it felt good to your flesh, which automatically puts distance between you and God. This however, is only a temporary feeling of happiness. In order to know what God wants you to do, you need to ask Him for forgiveness, read His word daily and be in prayer at all times. This doesn't mean a laborous act, but to talk to God whenever, where ever. "God, show me what to do." "God I need your help". Simple prayers like that. He does want you to wait for many reasons. I suggest that you and your boyfriend meet with others rather than putting yourself into temptation by being alone in a room. You say you're sure this is the one for you, then you will wait and honor that person. Don't falter now. Your boyfriend will respect you and you him. God wants to be first in our lives, before boyfriends, or husbands, or family. By putting Him first, all the blessings will follow. He knows your needs before you even ask Him and He wants you to prosper. So trust that He knows what's best for you.

Answer 9

You do not feel badly because in reality you really like him a lot and enjoyed your time together. But since you were raised in a religious household your feelings come into conflict with what you learned is right and wrong.

Either way it seems like you lack maturity in your decsion making. Next time, if the opportunity to be intimate with your boyfriend comes up make a decision and call it a day. Don't stress your choice because if you do you will be regretting whatever decision you make.

Answer 10

Mark 10:6-9
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Once you have intercourse, you have made a covenant with your mate that lasts a lifetime. Oral sex can be considered to be fornication.

Answer 11

It is possible to over ride your self-conscious, and justify your actions. While God does not like sex before marriage, it is still not a "damned to hell" sin, and you know that. The Bible does say that if you know that what you are doing is a sin, then you should stay away from it. Obey the Bible and what it says for YOUR best good. Hard, you bet it is, but still worth it.