We are both beyond our 20s and are looking for something serious and long term. She is basicaly a really nice person I would normaly want to spend time with and get to know better. I even know for a fact she is very interested.
But her face is not what I consider pretty. Her body is not bad but the face is the most important to me. It's what you look at when you communicate with someone and it's what you look at every morning.
Can you build a lasting ralationship with someone you don't find physically attractive?
2007-03-18 10:16:04 · 28 answers · asked by stupid_dangerous_thoughts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Message to the shallowness police:
Sorry guys, I'm just not as shallow as you think. The reason why I am posting the question is to look for different points of views and personal experiences from others, not jugements.
1) I have no intention of hurting her.
2) She is a nice person and since I know that fact, I am just looking at the obvious: she is a catch and I should not pass up on such an oportuniy lightly.
3) You make me laugh, you are probably just stuck in "after school special" mode. Goodluck to ya!
2007-03-18 11:31:42 · update #1
This is something u have to decide for urself. U have to find ur partner sexually attractive, thats a given.She doesnt have to be a beauty queen but whatever attracts u is what matters. Many married couples are not good looking to the outsiders, but get along fabulously, its all in the equation. We all have different equations for attraction, to some physical beauty is the most important, to others mental affinity, it varies widely.
Nobody is perfect but i am sure we all have our perfect equation somewhere, who may not be fab for others but us, he/shes the only one!
U have to figure out what is perfect for u, or near to perfect.
U have to be attracted sexually, like i said its very important in any marriage.Theres no guarantee that u will feel sexually attratced later on when u get to know her better, its a possibility that u cant base a marriage on. Her face can grow on u, yes, but attraction is different, might or might not happen.
So u need to spend more time with her, get o know her better.
In time i am sure u will know one way or another.
Being a nice person is the most important , certainly not something to ignore. But whatever rocks ur boat.
U are not shallow if u know what u want and admit it. I think u r quite smart, and a thinking individual whos not impulsive, a quality becoming rare of late.
Good luck whatever u decide to do.
2007-03-26 08:38:17 · answer #1 · answered by saltnsaffron 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know true beauty is inside and out. You could fine the true "barbie" doll and her personality makes you want to go the other way but then you could find real woman type like the one have and you can't get enough of her. True love goes beyond the physical appearance, it goes deep to the soul. You and that person have such a connection that if the world saw her as an ugly duckling persay you would only see her heart, her true beauty inside. So if you base your potiential relationships only on the fact if she is a "barbie" or not then you pass up some amazing women. It is a lot more to it than that. Good luck!!
2007-03-25 23:49:18 · answer #2 · answered by Deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's about looks where you are concerned, then that relationship or any other relationship won't work. I have never seen this female but I'll bet she possess an inner beauty that will glow outwardly the more you're with her. If not, then you should move on, because her looks will always be an issue with you. Did you ever think she may feel the same way about your looks but she likes you for who & what you are? As you well know, you could find a really pretty gal but she may not have a nice personality or be fun to be with. Don't waste this girl's time by trying to get to know her better if you can't get past her looks, because it just won't work. A guy will come along & looks won't be an issue as it is with you, but hey, it's your perogative. I can't & won't fault you on how you feel. When I first met my fiance, I wasn't real impressed with his looks either but the more I was with him, the looks suddenly didn't really matter because he treated me well, had a big heart, was compassionate, gentle, thoughtful, generous, etc. I could have dumped him but then a really great looking guy could have come around & not had any of my fiance's qualities, so I did some soul searching & decided he was a keeper. So you see, women go through what you're going through but they may not admit it.
2007-03-26 15:40:45 · answer #3 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only go on my experiences, so I hope you find this helpful. I have dated some guys in the past that I didn't really find all that attractive, but I liked their personalities. Looks are subjective. I have found that when I develop feelings for a guy, they become more attractive to me. Now, I'm not talking about guys that I found downright unattractive, just nothing that would normally turn my head. If you two are truly compatible and you do develop feelings for her, then it won't matter what she looks like. At least, I hope guys are like women that way. If you can't get past the looks, then maybe you are more shallow than you believe.
2007-03-26 13:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by moonie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one.
From the girls point of view:
I was in a situation like that. I am over-weight, and dated a guy because he was cute. He liked me a lot (because I was nice) and dated me for 6 months. A few months into the relationship he tells me that he doesn't find me physically attractive. (pretty face, but overweight) But he still liked me because I treated him well. The relationship from that point on was terrible! I don't know what possessed me to stay with him after that conversation, but I did and it ended badly. And now I'm engaged to his best friend who loves me for everything I am!
Honestly, she deserves to be with someone who will love her and thinks she's beautiful inside and out. Not saying that you're not good enough for the girl, just saying that if you think the potential for real love isn't there, don't waste hers or your time!
2007-03-26 15:29:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should want to find a girl who is both a nice person, AND someone you find yourself attracted to. I mean, the girl doesn't have to be a beauty queen, but why should you want to be with someone you're not attracted to? You're not doing anyone any favors by sticking around. There are lots of women and men out there who most people wouldn't consider attractive, but have found love, because their significant other thinks they are attractive. You shouldn't have to settle, and I'm sure the girl who's interested in you wouldn't want to either if it were flipped, so I think you should stay friends with her, but don't take it further than that.
2007-03-18 17:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by SweetMahogany 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No.... if there's no chemistry, there's no future. You can't build it as you go. The hormones have to be there from the start!
I admire your honesty. I see many grrls are giving you a hard time, but there's no need to apologize for not finding someone attractive. Better to not start it up than try to stop it down the road. That would be very unfair to her.
2007-03-26 16:20:29 · answer #7 · answered by Kia A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be attracted to the one you'll have a relationship with ..and that's for a reason..to be able to be faithful to her ..
But sometimes some people are just not that pretty but they have an amazing personnality that makes u see them as the prettiest of all ..
I's say give it a shot ..because she's nice and intrested..
Maybe this is the one who will make u happy ...!!! :)
2007-03-18 17:33:30 · answer #8 · answered by ^^ANGEL^^ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my vantage point (72 y/o) the fact that you know she's wholesome and decent, should have you moving more towards cementing a friendship with her.
As your friendship grows, you will develop a greater appreciation for the inner qualities she has. As your appreciation for her inner qualities grows, you will find that her facial features will have softened and the wholeness of her will shine through her eyes to yours. You'll eventually not see her as not pretty...but you'll see her ACTUAL BEAUTY.
DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE LOOKING FOR EXTERNAL BEAUTY; THAT CAN BE PAINTED ON. TRUE BEAUTY IS ALWAYS SHINING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
2007-03-26 14:44:00 · answer #9 · answered by Moe J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, shallowness isn't bad. shallowness is basically knowing what you want and not settling for anything less. everyone is shallow at some level, some people are just afraid to admit it because of their ignorance about its real meaning. second, as much as her face might not be what you particularily like in a person, you should get to know her. who knows? you may fall in love. and love, my friend, is, like i'm sure you've heard countless times before, blind. =)
2007-03-26 14:55:09 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋