I have always been the one to make sure my mother and father n law gets to see my children, which they have several other ones to. But every time the other grandchildren have a birthday or something else going on in their life, my inlaws make a big deal of it and have to buy them the biggest and best gift there is. Then when its time for my childrens birthday they dont even so much as achknowledge them with a phone call, my children used to ask me why but now as they have grown older they seem to understand how it goes. I just want to know what i can do to make this change, it hurts me to know that my children are secretly hurting
2007-03-18 10:04:25 · 15 answers · asked by shelly l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There could be several different reasons, or a combinations of reasons. One is distance. Your in laws may be more comfortable around their other grandchildren if they get to see them more frequently. Another could be the relationship with their own child (the one you married.) Yet another possibility could be due to the gender of your significant other's siblings. It's a fact that parents (especially the mother) often seem to have more of a connection with their daughter's children, (since she gave birth to the children) than with a son's. These are just a number of possibilities that I'm throwing out there.
To change this, try to get your children to spend a little more one-on-one time with your in-laws. Give them a chance to connect without all of the other grandchildren around. Try to get your in-laws to play more of a part in your children's lives. Take them out to dinner with your kids. Tell your in-laws what your kids have been up to with friends or school lately. Invite them to a school function, or athletic event.
2007-03-18 10:16:37 · answer #1 · answered by Sam-I-Am 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame that your children have to go through this people can be so cruel without even realizing that the children are hurting.
I would gently let them know that for years now your children have felt that they mean less than nothing to them and you need to know why they treat your children the way they do.
I don't know if the in laws have a problem with you, or not as you didn't state that but if it is you then explain to them that even though you may have your differences there is no reason the children need to hurt, and ask them politely to lay their issues aside and think of the children even if it is just a birthday card or call.
2007-03-18 10:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Marla D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybee they dont like you? im sorry that is realy harsh but they might have some secret reason for not being closer to you then you would like. Religion or something? Or is it because they spend a lot of time with you and dote on the children they dont get to see as often? I would sit down and ask your children how they feel about it and let them know that sometimes people are weird and you cant figure them out to save your life! Let them know that they are loved by you and that is realy what matters. Then go kick your mother and father in laws azz!
2007-03-18 10:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by Tropicalboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume these are biological grandchildren and not stepgrandchildren. I would just plain ask them what is the situation and explain that your children are asking you about it and that none of you understand. If your children are stepgrandchildren to them, that may make a difference to these folks. The old saying about blood is thicker than water really hits home sometimes. You may want to enlist the assistance of another family member who knows the situation when confronting the grandparents.
2007-03-18 10:18:13 · answer #4 · answered by curious74432 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is the one to address his parents about there behavior. He is the one to stick up for his kids and if he can't do that then your husband has no back bone, and it not up to you to deal with his parents. Since they make a big deal with the other grandchildren all you can do is stop going to there house until your husband take care of his parents by having a talk with them. By continuing to go to there house is only hurting your children because they feel the rejection.
2007-03-18 10:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by rma2ks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children will deal with this and the ones who will miss out are the grandparents who the children will choose not to bother with when they are older. I would try not to worry about how the grandparents act as you cannot force them to do the right thing. just make sure you are there for your kids as you are really the only one that they need.
2007-03-18 10:10:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My in-laws were like that, theres nothing u can do to change things. It will be their loss when your children don't bother with them. My mother in law passed away a couple of weeks ago and not one of my kids cried. That's sad but was of her own making. As long as your kids know they are loved by u they will be fine.
2007-03-18 10:18:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts you I have the same problem with my step mom, you have great kids .. It is there lose that they are not getting to know the kids at all, and that they are going to one day be able to proud of them and will have no idea what they have done.. You have the perfect kids I know this and they are good without there grandparents..
2007-03-18 10:09:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to her immediately and make her aware of her actions i have two other sisters and my mom use to say you going to buy one something then you must for the other two but you can't play favorites because it causes division or buy nothing at all but favortism is not idealistic in a family it can have long term unforseen effects
2007-03-18 10:09:34 · answer #9 · answered by Diva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your husband to talk to them. Do you send them gifts from the kids for Christmas and their birthday? If so, stop. They don't deserve it.
2007-03-18 10:15:46 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋