past issues still unresolved.?

Question

so..there was this guy and he claimed to really love me. and i always thought i wasnt good enough for him because he was what i always wanted. and ya know..i thought it wasnt possible to get what i want. so after a long period of time..he decided to go for someone else. all because i kept everything inside and i was too late to tell him i loved him back. =[ so..he's with this other girl now and hes completely avoiding me. but its like..what did I do? why arent you talking to me? aghh. on so many levels i am wrong. but on more, he was wrong. he told me i was worth all his time and that he wouldnt give up on me. psshhaa what did he do? he gave up. and i have this feeling of contentness but..theres just one thing. i cant figure out whats bothering me. but, i think if he would just talk to me, or we started talking again. i would feel fine. so please, how do i talk to him? what do i do? i need opinons on the situation. thank you.

Answer 1

First, sounds like you are pretty young. I too have had the same thing with my guy friend that I have known over 15 years. Yes, when we are with other people we are content with are decisions, but the minute we are both single we are running for each other. It is almost a cat and mouse game. It is like old saying goes "You always want what you can't have" now, my question is it because he is unavaible you have this sudden interest or has it been there. Girl, speak up next time...hell what do you have to loose. Second, you have to respect a guy who is going to respect the person he is in a relationship with. He is being loyal, and that is a good quality to have. You can't be upset with him for that don't interfere imagine the shoes on your feet. If you are meant to be you are meant to be!

Answer 2

I think the first thing you should do is learn from this mistake. You thought that you weren't enough and now you're kicking yourself. And while you were building a wall around your heart you were rejecting someone who probably genuinely cared for you. But guys can only take so much heartache and eventually they will move on. He's probably hurt because you chose not to pursue a relationship with him, and since he has a new girl chances are he won't be running back to you anytime soon. And you really can't fault him for that. But if you really want to talk to him, just try being honest. You obviously care about him so tell him how you feel. Playing games and holding back will get you no where. But when you talk to him, don't expect him to feel the same way, after all he has a girlfriend, but at least he will know the truth and that is better than a lifetime of regret wishing you had said something. Beyond that, there's not much more you can do.

Answer 3

You drove him away by being indecisive and not communicating and you are wondering why he finally gave up? Come on, a person can only take so much. And, perhaps the new person he is with does open up to him and makes him feel loved. Listen, you need to bury your issues in your life, or at the very least, seek some professional help.
And, don't always think of your own needs. Think about the people around you too and how you make them feel. When you are in a relationship, its about making each other feel good. Doesn't sound like you did that with this guy.

Answer 4

Here's what I honestly think. I've been the insecure one in the relationship before, and this is what I learned.

It is understandable to have your insecurities.... but is it really fair for you to be mad at the person who attempted over and over to make you feel otherwise?

Most likely, after a while he began to feel insecure in the relationship.... not to mention emotionally worn out from feeling like he had to keep proving his love and committment to you. How can you expect him to be there for you in that way, if you're not?

It doesn't sound like he just gave up out of nowhere.... from what you've said, it sounds like he put a ton of effort into things.... I'm sure you hurt him. A relationship is give and take, on both parts.

You can't go into a relationship expecting someone to fix you, or change you. It's something you can work on together, but a lot of the work has to be done by YOU. I think you wanted him to be your knight in shining armor.... but it's not fair to want that from someone everyday.
Anyway, I just say you ask him to talk to you about it and be honest about how your insecurities made him feel. You may hear things you don't want to, but it may help you the next time around.

Answer 5

Sometimes there are things in the past that we believe to have moved forward from already but things and events just keep turning up that seem to trigger an emotion relating to the past. It's not so easy to move forward but you have to sit down on it and think of a resolution to the conflict or trauma (maybe ask a friend or professional to help) and decide on concrete goals and steps toward those goals. Maybe write a journal on it to help you identify triggers and measures to either avoid it or deal with it. Goodluck!

Answer 6

attempt to talk to him write him a letter or email or something slightly non confrontational that he will more than likely listen to. in it just tell him how you feel dont beg or ask for him back or anything its alright to mention that you would like to get back togeather and begin to build the relationship up again but you must also respect the fact that he is with someone right now, make sure you get that point across. tell him that it is ok to just be friends because if they are that important to you then you want whats best for them even if it means giving everything of yourself. so just be friends support him in his relationship with the girl he is with now try not to let your feelings for him get in the way too much, i mean after all having him as a friend is better than not having him at all right? so try it dont expect him to just drop her for you, he may still love you just as much as before but you hurt him and he had to wait a while for you, so why not just try to wait for him. so yea thats about the best i got lol. good luck and im sorry things ended up the way they did.

Answer 7

It sounds like you messed up in the relationship because you kept everything inside. He was open and told you that he love you and you never said anything back. Abviously he figured you was just playing games, you have to think about how he feels how would you feel if you kept telling him you loved him and he never said nothing back you'd be done with him too. I think you should just leave him alone and spend some time with yourself until your comfortable with who you are and you can open yourself to others as well.

Answer 8

There are a few things you need to know. Don't ever feel that you are not good enough for some guy. His excuse is bologna. You are not wrong what you did is no big deal he simply met someone new. I would not beg nor give this guy the time of day. This is his loss not yours. I would be dating someone new and move on. I know it hurts now but in time you will ask yourself what you ever saw in him.

Answer 9

Face it you missed out on the opportunity. You may only want the guy because someone else has him. I guarantee if you get him back you still won't want him because he still has the issues you dumped him for in first place. Let it go. Learn from this and find someone else. Don't take dating too seriously. Good luck.

Answer 10

Move on, even if he came back or you stole him away from the new person in his life, there would aways be doubts for both of you. You need to build self confidence no matter who your with, if your not buy into your own stock why should anyone else?