my brother has cristisized me for over 10 years. I have tried to stand up for myself, but he looks at me like I'm weird, will tell me I am making a mountain out of a molehill and treats me like I am WAY to serious. It has gotten to the point where I can't even perform daily tasks without hearing a voice cristisize me for taking the wrong turn, going in a longer line up, etc... is this a noraml reaction of mine? I only see him a few times a year... but he has been like this since high school. Why has this affected me so badly?
2007-03-18 09:50:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your brother has become the mirror by which you view yourself. We all know that mirrors can give distorted images. You have to learn to measure yourself by your standards, not his. And make an effort to improve in those areas in which you feel you fall short.
Some brothers tease their little sisters with these jibes because they have a natural tendency to pick on younger siblings, and since you're a girl, he can't get physical with you, so he plays these mind games. You might try during a time when this is not going on to talk seriously with him about how much this disturbs you. Or better still, write him a letter with the information you gave above. I'm sure that deep down he loves you, and will try to break this habit once he understands the effect it is having on your life. Good luck.
2007-03-18 10:09:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are way too concerned with what your brother thinks and not enough concerned with your own self image. You are the only one capable of criticizing yourself and making it stick, so perhaps somewhere inside you, you agree with the criticisms you hear. If that is the case, you are also the only one who can change what and who you are or do. So stop trying to blame your brother or anyone other than yourself for what you think, and work on improving your self image and what you chose to accept from others. If you need help, get a therapist to assist you in mapping out a plan to acheive your goal.
2007-03-18 16:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately yes. My mother often told me that I was no good, because I didn't work as fast as my siblings, was more of a daydreamer etc. Her statement has made me a very driven person and perfectionist.
Fortunately I have found my acceptance in Jesus. He accepts me unconditionally. Also I have a very understanding husband.
You have to talk back to those criticisms of your brother's in your own mind and tell yourself, "I am not weird, I'm unique. Just because I don't fit into your mold doesn't make me worth less." Fill the negative statements of your brother with something positive about yourself, and keep doing it over and over again, until his voice becomes less and less strong.
2007-03-18 17:08:35 · answer #3 · answered by pinkrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is perfectly normal. We all have "self talk" that we do inside of our heads. That talk can be influenced by our experiences.
The good news is that it can also be changed. You can work on replacing the criticism with more positive statements.
For example: If your inner voice criticizes you for picking the long line you can say something like "I am in the longer line and that's ok. The world isn't going to end because of it, and I'm getting to watch this cute baby play in the buggy in front of me."
Don't be afraid to talk back and compliment your decisions. You don't have to be perfect. Don't only praise perfection. There is something to be appreciated in almost every situation - even if its only that you learned not to do that thing again (and give yourself permission to be entertained by your mistake).
2007-03-18 17:00:22 · answer #4 · answered by gwennthered 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not normal for anyone to be severely criticizing someone nor is it normal for anyone to be severely criticized over a period of time. Maybe you have accepted your brother's criticism as part of your normal life that is why you are putting up with it. Stay away from him, and even if you see him a few times a year only, tell him off. Be ready to answer his criticism by preparing your answers way ahead and by creating humor out of it. Tell him you are UNIQUE.
2007-03-18 16:59:22 · answer #5 · answered by drhmm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually hearing voices is not normal, however, having the criticisms run through your head could be. it depends on your ciricumstances, really. Maybe just try and look at what you do right and take note when people tell you something good about yourself.
2007-03-18 17:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by wonderer152 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please listen to Gwen..... For you to get over this (and it your brothers sickness NOT yours) for every criticism that pops into your head be ready with a positive statement. In a fairly short time 30-90 days it will become habit and your self-image will begin to soar. You could find a book of "self-affirmations" (not as silly as it sounds) to help you develop positive statements to help you begin. Don't let the old stuff drag you down in today's life. Good luck and keep workin' at it.
2007-03-18 17:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only because you have allowed it too. Ignore his negative comments, sounds like your brother is the one that needs to get a life.
2007-03-18 17:16:34 · answer #8 · answered by judles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude ur bro has some insecurities that need to be vented somewhere else. and it affects you cuz all u hear is negative stuff.
2007-03-18 16:54:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋