Why do women shy away from me because i have a physical dissability?

Question

I am
had an accident some years ago which left me partially paralized on one side, mainly my arm. I am an active man, cheerful and very very caring. I have a lot to offer any woman. Yet since the death of my wife a few years back i have been on my own. I have joined lots of dating sites and had lots of interest, until they hear about my dissability, then they never get in touch again. I live a full and active life, but as i do not go to clubs and pubs i find it hard to meet someone in the normal way. Im 55 and still going strong. I wish someone could see past my dissability!

Answer 1

You said you have joined lots of dating "sites." Then they learn about your disability. I'd like to suggest: The only way anyone can get to know YOU is by personal contact, as well as, I suspect people who join "sites" aren't having all that easy a time finding anyone either! You also don't like to go to clubs, or pubs (& I doubt you'd meet anyone in those places.) So! An active, cheerful & caring person can meet someone in any number of other places--like--even in the postal office! If you have any special interests, say if you're interested in art, get involved in a local gallery, (do you "work?") any other thing that draws people with whom you could share common interests. You said you live a "full" life, & I wonder what you mean by this; why it doesn't provide you with the opportunity to meet women. Please, I am NOT saying this is the case, just ask yourself. Do you too readily call attention to your disability--which you might--since you seem to feel this is what is "pushing" women away. It would be perfectly natural if this is on YOUR mind, & could be a deterrent. Just asking! Just be your charming self, be who you are & don't think so much about your "disability." Everyone is disabled in some way; the worst is on the inside. If you were my client, I'd encourage you to keep your focus off your arm as much as possible. In other words, as in your last sentence: "...see past [your] disability!" I can't help "feeling" this contributes to the problem you've asked about. Also, I'm sorry about your wife. I lost my spouse to a horribly disfiguring, rare disease. I can be very "moody" & need lots of space, but I meet people in the most unpredictable ways. Please think deeply & truthfully about you attitude, & all the best to you!

Answer 2

Boy - you are most certainly due for a break! As for the clubs;
not the place to look for that woman of your dreams anyway. Have you sent the word out to your friends and co-workers that you are in the market? Since they know you best
and know you for the man inside, they can be a real resource.
You need some good dinner parties, at your friends homes with a good mix of people!!. (hint hint) As for meeting someone in the "normal way"...make that a question!! "How did you meet your significant other?" I would bet you would be shocked at the variety of answers. There is no "normal"
way.
How would you feel if you met up with a loving woman
who had some kind of a disability? Have you ever thought about that?
Think about your special interests. -Go to an exhibition, or "show" of some kind. Come on, you can think of something fun! And "she" might be waiting there for you!

Answer 3

We are programmed to seek out the most desirable mates.

Somewhere deep down inside we find a disability as less desirable. Whether or not the disability is caused by nature or an accident, most times humans cannot look past it.

Most 55-year old men are capable of fathering children. Women that do not personally know you may assume that your injury is genetic. They may fear passing altered genes onto their offspring. Women online may feel you could not adequately parent any children the two of may have (or the ones she already has). Women may also make snap judgments and assume your disability leads you to live the life of an invalid. This would also force her to give up the things she may assume you have given up.

It is nothing against you as a man. Women would not just be dating you, but a man with a noticeable disability. How many people out there really go in search of people with disabilities??? How many disabled women did you date before you were disabled yourself?

Answer 4

First, let me say that I'm sorry you lost your wife. Any woman who cannot look beyond your disability isn't worth it anyway. I wish I had an answer for you as to why people are so self centered that they cannot look past your disability. Perhaps you could try different venues, not just bars and clubs to meet people.

What do you like to do for a hobby? Are there any groups around?

Go places that spark your interest and just get out as much as possible. You never know who you may meet along the way.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

We aren't all like that, I was seeing a guy with two hearing aids for a while, he was gorgeous and I was so not bothered about the fact he had hearing aids, why the hell would I be? It just sorta came to it's own natural end in the end, but if I met a nice funny bloke with one leg or arm or something I really wouldn't have cared, back in the days when I was dating anyway.
The thing is, most women are really unrealisitic, and quite frankly, worry more about what their friends think than the guy they are dating. I am lucky my dad taught me never to give a stuff what other people think, which is why I am happily married to an Albanian when all my friends were begging me not to do it (because he was Albanian, I mena seriously!) I am so happy, and they are bitter old witchs! I love them really, but unfortunatly this is how most women think, ugly guys who earn loadsa cash always have pretty girls don't they? Says alot for my sex doesn't it? But I assure you again, we aren't all like this, keep looking, that lady is out there somewhere.

Answer 6

Hia

I do wonder what you say about your impairment. If you describe it as a negative then people will interpret it in this way. Perhaps work on your self confidence and with any marketing exercise focus on positive messages. No need to hide your disability but describe the way it's perhaps allowed you to see life in a different way.

1 in 5 people can be described as disabled. You've probably connected with other disabled people. How do you feel about that? There are people with mental health issues, medical issues, HIV, and other sensory impairments. You are not alone so have confidence and get out and meet the woman of your dreams.

Answer 7

Unfortunately people are very shallow nowadays and see no further than their own nose, if you know what I mean. Pubs and clubs are not really the place to meet someone - take up a hobby you are interested in and you will meet like-minded people who will see you as the person you are and not your dissability. Personality and humour top my list. All the best.

Answer 8

Its really disheartening 2 hear about your experiences with online sites - but I think in your case you'd do bettter meeting people in local groups/pubs/clubs. I say this coz u come across as someone with a lot of charisma -which evidently isnt perhaps immediately apparent 2 the empty people u seem 2 have been meeting online!
Calypso Xxx

Answer 9

their just mean, not all women are the same though. i dont know why some women are like this, i have never looked down on someone with a dissability, maybe thats because i know alot of people with one. but i would just say to you there are alot more women in this world just dont give up u will find the right one soon. good luck xxxx

Answer 10

There's a lot of selfish, uncaring people out there. They were probably the wrong person for you anyway. The right one will turn up when you least expect it. Don't let what has happened put you off. You sound like a really nice man and I wish you the best for the future.