I don't understand?

Question

Ok, I know most of you are going to say you are just young and immature but I really don't think thats it. I am of 13 years of age and my sister will be 12 in May. Whenever I talk to someone like my mom or dad she always whispers something under her breath like how stupid or shut up and I mean I could not have even been doing anything to her. Sometimes my mom leaves us here to go to the store or to run go to pay a few bills. While she is gone she usually asks us to tidy up. I normally get the kitchen, my bedroom and sometimes the bathroom and my sister gets the living and her room and when we are done we do ours parent's room together and promises mom before she leaves that she will clean. I do my jobs and tell my sister its almost time for mom to get home and she better do her chores. Well she either goes 'BLA BLA BLA' while I am speaking or just plain ignores me and that like triggers something that makes me so mad so then I start yelling.

Then my mom sees me yelling and I get in trouble but she never sees what my sister does. I tell mom what my sister was doing before but never believes me! I don't know what to do to make her believe me and I need a way to catch my sister in the act. She knows exaclty what do to make me mad. Then after I get in trouble she comes in my room and gives me this evil smile which just makes me so mad. She also gets babied my mom . She is just so immature and when I tell mom this she just says well she is young and you are older but then I think only by 1 year! What can I do to either catch her in the act or not get so angry!

And I have to admit I do overreact sometimes but whenever they hear me yelling or getting mad its like they can only hear me not her! Like right now I just went in the kitchen and there is chocolate on the wall, table and curtains and my sister said she did it but I got mad and yelled and then my parents yelled at me without seeing what she did! I don't get it

Answer 1

No, I certainly don't think age has anything to do with someone disrespecting us - or undermining us. That is frustrating! And, reading your situation would make me upset, too.
What may help is try less interaction with your sister.

You sound very responsible, I wonder why you would be telling your sister she needs to get her chores done, as you say, when you Mother is about to come back? That is your sister's reponsiblity. Her chores are NOT your responsibility.

Try not telling her what to do, not reminding her. She is capable of remembering and if she chooses not to do what she is told, well, that is up to her - not you. Do not talk to your mother about her. Don't be a tattle tale - at least for a couple of weeks - let your mother deal with your sister.

Actually, try not interacting with you sister at all for a few days, just as an experiement. Don't clean your parents room together - do it when she is not there. If she promises someone else something - you stay out that. Don't talk about it - it is her issue - not yours. She may be surprised. If you do talk to her - just make statements - like, "I hope you have a good day today." You must change the dynamics of your relationship and I think you have enough insight to do it!

You see if you don't talk to her, then she can't respond with the behavior that triggers negative feelings in you. Remember you are her sister, not her mother. You don't need to tend to her and make sure she does what she says she will do - you just need to be a teenager and enjoy your life and not "mother" your sister or anyone else. Let them take their own responsibilities.

Good luck

Answer 2

Hi I feel so sorry for you ,what if you just leave what your sister should do to her and you just do what you should do and let your mom and dad yell at her and you not take on to much,let your mom and dad do their job as parents.You will be a better person for doing these jobs but at the same time it does sound as if you are being put on. My children don't do anything around the house but then I don't expect them too.I had a two and half year old that died so I would hate if I made my children do things and something happened to them after all who am i to tell them what to do i am their dad not god.Please write to me as must as you want and i will try to help you if any time you want to talk.I have a 12yr old girl and an 8 year old boy but also have some a lot older I am 50 so i hope that i can help as i have seen a lot in my life

Answer 3

You are a very bright girl & you have asked this question very clearly. I think you should print your question out & show it to your mom.
It will help your mom to understand what's going on a bit better.
It's hard being a mom cos mom's can't take sides- but if your mom understood how your little sis winds you up to make you angry, your mom might speak to her about the way she is misbehaving.
Your mom shouldn't be blaming you for things your sis does.
But if she has not seen what your sis has done, she can be forgiven for not understanding...

I think it may also help you to understand that in life there are many occasions when people will do or say things you don't like. You need to learn not to get mad. Cos that only gets you into trouble. You need to feel less strongly... chill a bit. Realise if you REACT badly, that becomes the problem, not what caused you to lose control... & you do need to stay in control of your emotions. That's very important!

So the next time your sis presses your buttons... smile sweetly, say: "I love you too honey!" (& mean that) & she will realise she is not winning & give up.

Answer 4

Your sister sounds like a pain in the ***. She is getting under your skin and pissing you off. I'm sure she's having a blast pushing your buttons and getting you in trouble.

You say she's immature; well it is time for you to make a leap ahead in maturity. When she acts like an idiot simply walk away from her. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you loose your temper. Don't tell her what to do. Don't react when she mutters under her breath. This is easier said than done. But start practicing this right away. Let your actions show that you are not interested in playing her little game.

When she is ready to act civil (this may take a while) be sure to take the high road and be nice.

Answer 5

My sisters fought with each other all their lives; the younger one used to wind the older one up all the time....the older one was always yelling and complaining.....would you believe thay are now aged 40 and 47; they cannot stand to be in the same room as each other; and the younger one is still winding up the older one, who is still rising to the bait.

Try and have a private chat with your mum when your sister is not there, tell her how you feel; and that you don't think you are being fairly treated. It's not your responsibility to look after your sister; your parents should be taking notice of her behaviour.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel! My sister is a year and a half older than me and she was always doing things to get me into trouble! She used to do things and blame it on me and because she was so convincing I would get told off for lying too. She told my mum that I was on drugs when I was 14 when it was her that was sneaking out the house to take magic mushrooms every weekend. Her and her friends made me smoke and shoplift when I was 11 and guess who told my mum on me.

She has tried to trump me at everything: On my 21st she announced to everybody she was 5 weeks pregnant so my mum spent the whole night boasting about becoming a granny and all the attention was on my sister:

These kinds of b*tches never get any better you just learn to deal with them better. The next time she tries to wind you up just smile sweetly at her and tell her how glad you are that she is your sister. This kind of sickenly nice behaviour gets them everytime and you will look like the nice one.

Answer 7

Me and my sister was at each others throats for years and years, theres 5 years difference and thats a lot when one of you is 10 and the other is 15, or 13 and 18, lots of hormones are floating around!!

Try to talk to your mum about it (mom is should say!, your an American, I take it lol!)

It's just part of growing up! I know that's what everyone says, but let her do as she pleases speak to your mum how you feel, or try and spend less time with her.

In a few years time you'll be close. x

Answer 8

Well your sister doesn't know it yet but it seemd liek I know what she will be when she grows up. A housewife that is lazy, won't clean the house, won't cook for her hubby, and probably the reason she got married is because she got pregnant. ALso her hubby will see that isn't doing nothing and if he's controling or violent. SHe is either going to get a divorce fast or get her A*S*S kicked everyday. So tell her start making something of her life now before it's too late and you keep doing what your doing and don't worry about the lazy one when Mom gets home she will know who did what.

Answer 9

wait til ur sister start acting like a teenager which will be soon, then you will both be floating in the same boat. right now you're the teen and shes still the baby. i know its only one year difference but there is a very big differnce between 13 and 11, even 13 and 12

Answer 10

You aren't her mom. So let her take her lumps when she doesn't do as she is asked. Little sister's typically don't listen to older ones. It's natural. So don't worry about it. Just do as your mom asks and leave it at that. Your sister will get the message sooner or later, either the easy way or hard way. You just keep being sweet and helpful, it will take you far. HUGS