Do you think a sister in law has the right?

Question

to butt in and help my sister,mom and i plan her wedding? my brothers wife has taken control and i dont have a chance to share this special day with my sister. i am her maid of honor and my sister wants me to spend the night w her and get ready with her but my sister in law insist that will be leaving her out and she called my sister(the bride) to tell her it will be easier for my sister to get ready at her house and now im left out? isnt the maid of honorto get ready w the bride? me and my little sis are best friends & our sis in law doesnt have a sister ive tried being nice but she doesnt respond to niceness..i had a bridal shower planned me and my mom were planning it we bought the party stuff ordered the cake but 3 days ago my sis n law pursuaded my sis to have it at her house & now i am not going and 6 guests that my sister wanted 2 really come are not going cause we r not compfortable over sister in laws house she is controlling and she is rude she demands things her way. pl help

my sister is already stressed about the wedding and i did actualy "lose"it i told my sis n law im gonna put her on her back she doesnt keep her mouth shut and my sis dnt need this right now but its out of control. i dnt know why my brother allows this? my sis told me im in chrg of shower and my sis in law persuaded my sister about having more room at her house but no one is compfortable there. I am hot over this me & my sis r like a hand and glove we know e other inside/out and im missing her shower. sis in law always plans partys never includes my mom and i now she s taking this from me 2 and im sick. i didnt think my sister would listen to them??

my sister gave my sis n law a list of things she was gonna be doing the catering for the reception, but when my sister decided to only have her & fiance and fiances parents r going my sis n law was pissed that while she is cooking that my sister will be at the rehersal dinner. she felt left out again. the thing is my sis n law voluntered to cook but now she isnt so we cant win

MariChelita u can email me. thank u for all the great advice lady's i always felt bad that my sis n law had no other family but now i know why. i tried to call her to recomend we set all differences aside and make this about my sister and accept all her decisions just be there for anything she hung up on me. makes me upset that she is the only one not happy and feels like she is doing all the work. i told her it isnt work i have been waitng for this day all my sisters life and it is fun. one of u said the one that knows the bride the best should coordiate the shower and u r right. my sis n law knew i ordered a cake & she wanted 2 make a spice cake that my sis doesnt like. but please answer this if you can?? is there something wrong w sisters being so close like my and mine? my brother allows his wife to try tear us up he makes negative remarks gets mad if my sister calls me when she is over there house i mean why is my sis n law behaving like this??

ok let me add this. my sister n law expected her daughter ( my 12 yo niece) to b maid of honor. my sis asked my niece to be bridesmaid and my sis n law change it to made of honor and my sister did clarify to my sis n law that im maid of honor. so my sis n law told my sister that she has to break the new to my niece, and it was my sister n law that told her daughter she is maid of honor?? what is it that she acts like this is it jealousy? i wish we all could be close but no one should try to break family bonds

linda: my sister in law im talking about is my brothers wife they been married 13 yrs my niece who is 12 is my brothers and her daughter the one my brothers wife expected to be maid of honorand yes this story is true, i just change my tel number cause i am sick of the headach, i have tried w my sister n law for 13 yrs and nothing wrks she is never happy but now im pissed and hurt cause she has taken this from me i know my little sister (bride) what she wants. on top of this my sister moved 7 hrs away 3 yrs ago my sister n law and brother have called her 4 times up till now and everything my sister and i plan she changes the bridal theme too the cake so i am not there the party started at 1pm and im here with my son. not my lil sis i got here this cute bridal hat and the cake was gonna be so cute and yet my sister in law acts like she has the right to callshots in our family. it isnt gonna be all about her al the time im tired of this i need sound advice. thx 4 help sad that it is true

VERO! u know i think u r right about what u said that my sis in law has regrets from her wedding and she is trying to make it up now. she had a church wedding but me my mom and sister were not in herwedding nor did we help with one project 4 the wedding. i was only 17 wen they got married 13 yrs ago but she does have regrets but see its not like her and my sis are so close to she gets away w this. thanks for u help

Answer 1

WOW!!! You are sure in a pickle. So sorry!!! Your sis in law sounds like acouple of ladies in my family. Sounds like your brother may have his handsful with her also. I think the best thing you can do is have a sit down with your sister and talk about this. She sounds like shes like me and hates confrontation and is just pleasing your sis in law to keep things calm. Your sister knows you love her and it is sad that there seems to always be someone to ruin a wedding and gosh I see it happen at funerals to. Go to the shower!!! It is for your sister not your sister in law. I think your sister would be very dissapointed if you were not there. Put on a face and become an actress for a day. I am so sorry you are going through this and I will be praying for the whole situation.

Answer 2

all i can say is this is your sisters special day and you have every right to want to be by your sisters side in the entire process. i was the maid of honnor of my sister she is 1year older then i am and we had a blast my main job was always to defend my sisters dissisions and give open opinions. i never said how good or bad she looked in a dress it is her special day she has her own style her cake i had no say so she had some monster cinderella cake with all the disney charactors all around i did not pick any flavor even when we went cake testing i would be like i like them all an she picked and for the night before we had a sleep over an all the girls we all slept at my moms house an had a big sleep over all got up an went to the salon an got dressed all together ... i say you have a little private bridal shower just invite you your sister an her 6 friends that will not attend note do not invite anyone that went to your sis in law bridal shower also tell your sister how you feel even if this might ruin your friendship with her be like i know your future sister in law is being helpful but i feel my roll as the maid of honnor is not really it i feel like i am a brides maid an if you feel you have made a mistake then you can have her as your maid of honnor an see what she tells you an let her be your sister might be holding resentment toward you an feels this is going to tweek your feathers becouse to be honest with you if i had a bridal shower planned an she went an let her hold it after i have already got things your sister is the real b**ch in this story to tell you the truth

Answer 3

The bride and mother of the bride have the right to plan the wedding. Who ever else they invite is ok. The maid of honor traditionally plans a bridal shower for the bride but the bride is not limited to one bridal shower and any of her friends and relatives can plan bridal showers for her. If you want to have a bridal shower for your sister there is nothing limiting that. You may not be aware but bridal showers do not have to be held in someone's home. I have attended bridal showers held at a professional base ball event (the bride loved baseball), in disneyland, at nightclubs and dinner houses, and even one that took in the opera.

The function of a Bridal shower use to be to gift the bride with all the items which she lacked from her hope chest which she still needed to set up a home. In the US a hundred years or so years ago, the guests would bring a quilt square to present to the bride at her bridal shower and then they would, together, assemble the quilt as her shower gift.

Now that weddings have become so stressful and expensive and because most brides have wedding lists at several stores, a bridal shower serves a different purpose. It is, or should be, a stress reliever for the Bride. The person planning it should know the Bride well enough to know what the Bride is most passionate about (other than her groom) and arrange an event around that passion. Of course, that person will also know who among the Bride's friends also enjoy the same thing so, of course, those persons should be invited and today that guest list can also include men as well. It is all about relieving the tension and anxiety that build and cause an otherwise long anticipated event, the wedding, a nightmare of tears and regret.

I suggest that you go to all the gatherings and showers to which you are invited that are going to be held in honor of your sister. It is her once in a life time opportunity to have all those people she cares about caring for her. Set aside your animosity regarding your sister-in-law, regardless of how justified you believe it to be, and think of making this the event of a life time for your sister. Then, also, you plan an event that you know your sister would love and invite those people to it whom she would enjoy. Take a camera, take a ton of photos and after the event work on putting an album together of all those events you attended in her honor with your event, of course, being the cornerstone of the album. Wrap it up and present it to her on her wedding day morning, before she dresses for the event.

Be an actress. No matter what you feel about your sister-in-law, it is your sister you love. Give her, your sister, the gift she wants most from you- your understanding and compassionate friendship. You're sister-in-law can never replace you... unless you allow that.

Answer 4

You need to talk to your sister and tell her how you feel. You also need to talk to the sister in law and explain to her that she is part of the family but she doesn't have to take control of everything , maybe just explain to her what the maid of honors job is. And YES , you should be there when you sister is getting ready and bridesmaids should be. So why don't she get dressed at a place where its not your house or the sister in laws. Why not the parents house or her house..or even a hotel. And for the party..that really is your job . If its all planned then you need to tell you sister that everything is done and tell her to that people are not going if at the sister in laws house. Your mother should step in as well if she doesn't feel comfortable. Remember a wedding should be a happy time!!

Answer 5

No, she doesn't have the right. It's your sister's wedding, not your SIL. It sounds like one of two things. Either the SIL is very pushy (obviously) and that maybe she is so overwhelming that your sister doesn't have the chance to szay anything. let alone tell her no. Your sister needs to put her foot down and tell the SIL how she wants things to be. The bride should be doing what she wants, not bowing to the pressure being placed on her by the SIL. Good luck to both of you.
P.S. I just thought of something. Did your brother and his wife have a big wedding or did they elope? If they eloped, she might be trying to make your sister's wedding the one she never had and is trying to live vicariously through her.

Answer 6

I know that family dynamics are difficult, especially when you feel like someone is over stepping their boundaries. But the bottom line is that this is a special event for your sister. Don't be the one to be nit picky and pushy, she will remember it! It is all about her and NOBODY else. Suck it up and be as loving and supportive to your sis. Try to be grateful to the in-law and her "helpfulness". I don't like any of my in-laws but I'll be damned if I will let them mess up my relationships with my family. And all you will do by not going to the shower or acting out of resentment is create more resentment and be hurtful to your sis. It really sucks, but sometimes we have to be the bigger people. Remember that people don't usually remember what you say or do, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You are absolutely right. The sister in law has no right to to take over. You need to talk to her and let her now, firmly, that this is a very special day and that although you appreciate her wanting to help you really want to spend this special time with your sister and your mom. maybe if you mistakenly give me her email I happen to make a typo on an email I am forwarding to my sister and mistakenly add her email I can forward her this Q and A and she can gtet the hard, abrupt hint.

Answer 8

No, your SIL shouldn't be doing these things, but it seems as if she is the only one who stands up for anything. If you can't find a tactful way to do it, give her a list of duties. If you are the Maid of Honor and she's just a bridesmaid, make sure she knows what she's in charge of and what she should keep her nose out of.

Here's a list, give it to her and tell her these are your things to do and to butt out.

Answer 9

You are placing the blame on the wrong person. Your sis should tell her to back off. It is her wedding. Sounds like she is letting the SIL do all this. Maybe she doesn't want to plan it and it is easier to let the SIL. You mom needs to "grow a pair" as well.

Answer 10

No she does not have the right to butt in however it seems like you guys are ALLOWING her to. Put your foot down and let her know that you and your mother have made plans and will NOT change them to suit her!!! The nerve. Do it NOW before it gets totally out of control.