feel worthless...hating myself...ready to die?

Question

I've snapped today. I get these days sometimes, but I think my seizure meds are magnifying the effects.

I am in a bad marriage -- my husband would rather be online than with me. My mother is constantly on me about my weight and comparing me to my "perfect" cousin, and bemoaning why I can't look like I did when I was 18.

I have no friends. No one to talk to. I've lost all faith in God, and frankly I can't find one example where someone's life would be better if I stayed alive.

I have never felt this alone this severely...I mean I'm always alone. I've reached the point I can't even cry anymore.

I'm 31 yrs old, and I feel like I haven't made one right choice, one good difference in someone's life. I am utterly useless, ugly, old, and worthless.

Last shrink I saw just wanted to medicate me and not talk to me. My priest says it's the will of God.

Answer 1

We all have these days sweety, some more than others. You need some quality alone time.
Take a vacation by yourself even if its just a few days to relax and take care of yourself. Get a massage, get a facial, buy a new outfit.
Don't give up on God, this is just an obstacle you must overcome.
Set some goals for yourself like writing a short story or volunteering at the local food bank. Focus more on your goals and what is going to make you happy than the negativity in your life and things will get better for you, I promise.

Answer 2

You are suffering from depression. Please take the med. They will help and talking won't. Then make a plan to improve your life. Get a job if you don't have one now. Get marriage counseling and find a diet you can live with. Join some groups that need you: volunteer for Habitat for Humanity or Meals on Wheels, for ex. There are people much worse off than you who desperately need your help. That will give you satisfaction, a sense of purpose, and a way to make new friends. Take a course. You are obviously an intelligent person. You can learn to write or a get credentials to teach. Explore different religions. Find one that is not so insensitive and judgmental. The Unitarians are very kind and welcoming as are many other denominations.
Instead of spinning your wheels, take action. Believe me, just making plans for a change will make you feel better.

Answer 3

I've watched a lot of people exit this world as a paramedic. I can say with a lot of certainty that how it feels to die is based on two things; how it happens and how prepared you are. Some people die slowly over many minutes, hours, days, and years. The way you die can be excruciating and other times it may be the most peaceful experience. After reviving patients they often remark about how peaceful it was and the vivid colors they experienced. I also noted that if someone is prepared to die they seem to be more peaceful and content when it occurs meaning that they don't experience anything terrible. But, if you haven't prepared yourself than death is truly terrifying and painful. The choice is up to the person. Hope that helps answer the unknown.

Answer 4

The shrink you went to was a jerk. I think you also either misunderstood the priest or he is not saying what the church really believs. Yes, God sometimes tests our strength. Because if you believe in God you can find goodness and hope even if nothing seems to be going well. You have your life, it is worth living trust me. You are not old, that's for sure. You may be overweight, so am I. My mum also keeps telling me and comparing to my cousins, mothers do that and it is awful, and I feel depressed sometimes, but they do it because they think they help. But you know what, that's up to you to change -or to accept. Start eating less, I know it is difficult, but if you make your mind up you can succeed. You are not worthless. Nobody is worthless. Do you have a job? If not, try to get one, anything really. If not a job, get a hobby, art, learn something, read, it will make you feel better about yourself and put you back on track.
Don't even think about dying! Why would you? Life is ahead, and you can enjoy it. I am sure your mum and your husband love you deep down. Ask them to help you lose some weight, I think that will cheer you up. Start some mild exercise, that will also help you. You are not alone, that's what you must be thinking, many people have the same problems, but try to think of the good things. The simplest things, just smelling a flower or seeing how wonderful nature is, or a work of art, it is worth living for!

Answer 5

Hi, it is really hurtening to read your msg. This life has a number of pains & sorrows, I dont think you can find a single person without any pains & sorrows. I am a male, but in similar condition as u have described. But believe me this world is not every thing, rather I would say it is nothing. Sooner or later, this life will end one day and all our joys & pains of this world will vanish. And after that the real, never ending life will start. Don't loose your faith in God, God is the greatest truth of this univrse. And He has showed us the right path which leads to the suprem success. And He has gifted us wisdom to find that right path.

Therefore, don't bother, feel all the pains with an assurance that if you can find the right path, there won't be any pains after this life.
Yours Lovingly & Well Wisher

Answer 6

I'd suggest calling a suicide hotline or crisis center.

They aren't going to judge you - they will listen to you and help you create a plan for getting through today. They'll help you work through this one step at a time, even one hour at a time if you need it.

I'm glad you sought help in the past. Unfortunately, not every shrink or priest is a good one. Oftentimes you have to shop around.

If you don't want to use medication then I suggest seeing a psychologist and sharing this wish. They can't prescribe meds anyway and a good one will honor your individual wishes and help you create a treatment plan based on those wishes.

When you are depressed you see the world through depression.

Just know that it is possible that one day you might see the world differently.

Answer 7

Here's your logic: you say you can't think of an example of someone's life who'd be better if you stayed alive. The truth is, although not to the point of selfishness, your life is ultimately about YOU. It's not about only your spouse, or your mother who needs to learn how to keep her opinion to herself. It's about YOUR happiness. I used to believe in God, but I found that many themes in the Bible are not exactly conducive to proper mental health. I won't go into it too much, besides, only you can decide what you want to believe in. I can only say that, in my opinion, when you turn to God to deal with depression, you may not be properly dealing with some of the things that are causing your depression. In other words, you'll be following a prescribed plan for your life, rather than taking control of it yourself. You can take control of your life and thoughts by eating properly, getting plenty of sleep, getting exercise EVERY DAY and eliminating the negative forces in your life. If my mother was sending me negative messages like yours, I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that she's being overbearing and needs to chill out. As for your marriage, I'm not really qualified to give advice.....I'm sure it's tricky sometimes to make a marriage work.

Answer 8

Tell all those people that are feeding you all this negative garbage to take a hike, if someone says anything negative to you again, don't take it on board. Sounds like you need to do something for you, and you only. Lots of ways to make friends, join a group, do a course, take up a sport or perhaps join a gym, get your body into the shape you want it, that will show them. I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Keep going. It might be hard but you need to keep going. Stay strong hunnie. I'll be upset if you go. Nobody wants you to go, even your mother. And if you did do anything stupid, your mother would feel it hard to live probably, because she'll have guilt constantly stabbing her in the Stomach.
Please keep going and please get help now. You can't live in this situation and you can't make yourself feel better on your own. I can tell you how great you are, but you probably won't believe it - that's why you need to get help.
Get a phyciatrist or someone from the hospital who will be able to help you. You're not alone. Just keep going hunnie.

Answer 10

Medication is Not a bad thing if you need it. I use to stay depressed alot and My Doctor put me on Celexa. I do not worry as much and I am happier with Life. God does not want you to be miserable, and your priest is wrong if he told you that. It is Satan who Loves it when our Lives are Chaois. Your husband needs to get off that computer and do things with you.